Alright enough of the self-high five/handjob, it's time for today's skit featuring one of Spider-Man's oldest and deadliest foes, Kraven the Hunter. Enjoy.
Bill: "Aww, there you are you beautiful horned, hunk of meat you!
I just can't wait to sink my teeth inta' your meat once I've gutted your sweet, sweet ass. I's gonna' git you in my sights and blow my load into yo' soft flesh."
Bill: "Yes, that's right. Don't mind me girls. I'm just hear to SFES ya'all. There, that's a good dumb, sexy herd. Jus' eat that grass, before I blast ya' ass!"
Cows: "Moooo? Mooooooomooo!"
There's a rustling in the woods, startling Bill.
Bill: "What the hell?"
Kraven: "Aww, greetings brightly-colored stranger. I am Kraven the hunter, and I have come to hunt."
Bill: "Well that's nice an' all, but I'm a hunter too, and right now I was in the middle of hunting, so if'n you don't mind...."
Kraven: "Nonsense. Since we are both hunters, I shall join you in your hunt. It shall be glorious!"
Bill: "What ever ya' say big fella'. Just be prepared, 'cause we're hunting the most dangerous game evah!"
Kraven: "Bah! I am Kraven the hunter, and I fear no man or beast!"
Bill: "And good fashion sense as well it seems. Alright young fella' c'mon. The killing starts here."
Kraven: "Let the game tremble with fear and the fields run with the blood of our hunt."
Bill: "Yeah, what he said. Crazy bastard."
Bill: "Alright, but first things first; If'n ya' mean to hunt with me, ya' gotta' have the right look. Now ya' seem to have the camouflage pants an' attire down pat, but you're missing one special ingredient to be a true hunter."
Kraven: "Nonsense! I am Kraven the hunter. I need nothing but
Bill: "Now hold on youngin'. I'm jus' sayin; all's that's missin' is a good hat. Ya' ain't shit unless ya' got a good huntin' hat."
Bill: "There, no don't ya' feel like a true and proper hunter now?"
Kraven: "I look as ridiculous as I feel right now. And Kraven shall not be made to look and feel foolish."
Bill: "Come now, it fits ya'. Hell son, ya' look like the spittin' image of Black Bart and Will Travel from my favorit' show, Have Gun Will Travel."
Bill: "Now hold on. Where's ya gun? Ya' can't go huntin' without yer' gun."
Kraven: "Foolish man. I am not needing gun. I am Kraven the hunter. I need only my bare hands and the fear in my prey's eyes."
Bill: "Damn son, that's hardcore right there! You're a crazy bastard, but I like crazy. Boy's nuttier than my poops after a 5-day binge diet of Payday and Cashews, but he's alright."
Bill: "All right youngin', here's our prey now. Ain't they beauts?"
Kraven: "But they are simply cows! I though we were to be hunting true dangerous game, not simple, stupid beasts such as these."
Bil: "Hey now, these pretty gals will fix up jus' right. You can have the one on the left, but the one on the right's all mine. I've had my eye on ol' Bessy for'n a good while now."
Kraven: "This is ridiculous and unworthy of my time and skill as a true hunter."
Bill: "Now don't be that way youngin'. The fun hasn't even started yet. We haven't SFES'd 'em yet."
Kraven: "And what pray tell is this SFESing you mention entail?"
Bill: "Well shoot, ya' mus' not be from around here, 'cause out here in these parts SFES means Shoot 'em, Fuck 'em, Eat 'em, and Shit 'em."
Bill: "Hey if'n you prefer the four F's, Find 'em, Feel 'em, Fuck 'em, and Forget 'em, we can do that too if ya' like."
Kraven: "Enough of this sick foolishness! I am to be leaving now, back to hunting the Spider. Good day you sick little man."
Bill: Whas it someting' I said? I guess the feller' couldn't handle the reality of life out here. Now where was I? Oh yeah, c'mere you Bessy, daddy's in need of some comfort food. He he!"
Disclaimer: No animal or animals were harmed in the making of this skit......That I know of. Now being made love to is something totally different.