Thursday, May 17, 2012

"The Five Of Us Are Dying" Part 2

Here it is folks,
the moment you've all been waiting for(or not), it is now time for the other shoe to drop......

-Previously, Five strangers were randomly chosen by an unknown entity and transported to various locations foreign to the person involved. Not only did they find themselves in different locations from the ones they began their days in, but they were also surprised and astonished to find they were each in different bodies as well.  Who could possibly have the power to alter such lives? Why? And what could possibly be next for our heroic five? 

-The scene is set, and you awaken to realize you're not where you think you were, nor do you look like who you think you are. You're Dan, and you're day has just gotten very weird indeed......

Act Four: Dingo ate my boomerang!

Dan: (looks at himself)"Oy! What's this? Where am I? Oy! Come on. Seriously mate? Just 'cause I'm an Aussie doesn't mean I have to be bleedin' Cap'n Boomerang! Bloody racist! Just for this, I'm sending an army of angry kiwis after you ya' bloody arvo!"

-Yes Dan, I know Arvo means eveing. I just like the way it sounds. Sue me.

"Well, no sense in taking a lie down when I can go for a walkabout. Damn this bush is rough! reminds me of an old girlfriend of mine. And her mum. Ugh! Lucky for me, or whoever dropped me off here, I have a razor-boomerang on me. Christ! This is harder to get through than reading a skit by Mr. Morbid."

"Hold on, what's this? Who the bloody hell are you?"

Random Native: "Oy! I'm the person who bloody lives here. Who in the piss are you, you bloody bludger? Can't a girl use her dunny in privacy?"

Dan: "I don't care what you do you cow, I just want to know how I got here, wherever here is."

"As for who I am, I'm Cap-Dan, and I'm the one with this giant machete, which I somehow mysteriously have on me all of a sudden. Christ mate, it's called natural story progression. Look into it sometime eh?

Random Native: "You better rack off before I hurt you with my knife!"

Dan: "That's not a knife you silly galah, this is a knife! Now bugger off before I show you how bloody sharp this is, and then you'll know, bloody."

Random Native: "Arhhhhhhh!"

Dan: "That oughta' do her straight.  Good 'onya ya' moo cow! Now to find my bloody way out of this bloody mess, and find the bloke responsible for this balls-up affair. Damn! Never a Ute or a Tinnie when you need one. I suppose I could chuck a leftie round that hill there."

End of Act Four.

And elsewhere, in another part of the world we find the fifth stranger, Mr.Morbid.....

Act Five: I'm going through changes

Mr. Morbid: "Ughhh my aching head! I knew I shouldn't have had that last shot of Crown. Fuck me running!"

"Wait a minute, what the hell? Is that hair? That can't be I'm bald!(thanks evil genetics!)
Wait, this isn't my body! And why am I wearing short shorts? I'm not Daisy Duke. This is Mr. Morbid's House of Fun, not the Dukes of Hazzard! Oh shit, something's really wrong here."

"What the fuck man!? I know I wanted my hair back, but not like this!  Not as Kamandi! C'mon, change me back into something else. Something cooler, like maybe a Green Lantern or something.

-A mysterious voice suddenly says "okay!"


"Well, did it work? What am I now?"

"Alright! I'm a GL. Hell Yeah! Wait, wait a minute. Is that my head? Oh shit! I'm Maash! Fuck!"

"Not cool man, not cool! I have a giant turd for a head! There can be only one person or thing(for the sake of this story) responsible for this.....Bat-Mite! Damn you!!!!!!"

-Elsewhere we find......

Bat-Mite: "What, you were expecting maybe Bugs Bunny or Elmer Fudd? Nope just your friendly neighborhood elf from the 5th Dimension. Ain't I just a stinka!? HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

End of Act Five.

-Epilogue.....Deus Ex Machina

Zatanna: "Omega, good I've found you! There's no time to explain, but I got to free you and the others!"

Omega: "Hey pretty lady! You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day!"

Zatanna: "I don't have time for this. We have to leave now!"

Omega: "We can catch up with those losers later, but for now how about you rest for awhile. I got the duct tape and bottled water."

Zatanna: "But Bat-Mite..."

Omega: "Can wait sweet cheeks. This tiger's been caged up too long and wants to freak. ya' dig? Arroooooooo!"

Zatanna: "Sometimes I really hate my job!"

To be concluded.....

And that's that. Yes I will finish up the story later, but for now I think I'll just bask in the glow of my achievement. 

Hey Dan, the researching Australian slang part was easy, but damn you guys talk funny! Ute? Tinnie? You cats are crazy! Love ya', mean it.

Finally, if you didn't already know, I'm a huge music fan, especially classic rock. Call me lazy, but I really love using titles of rock/music songs as titles for my skits, you know, in case you haven't already figured that out. So what song am I referencing here? NIN/Nine Inch Nails's "The four of us are dying." It's a really good instrumental track, that oddly enough could unofficially or officially be the the theme song to this story. Do yourself a favor and check it out here:

Have a good weekend guys, and hoped you enjoyed this humble little distraction I call a skit.
I enjoyed creating this thing almost as much as you guys probably had fun clicking off it. Ha! 


Omega Agent1 said...

Dale man, this was a great ride dude. Using the five of us set up an atmosphere of comradre among us. shout out to Dave cause I know this was his craftmanship. Dan hope your tuned in mate and Goo come over and join the dojo, you'll see OA1 on your boards man. Until I can escape the mad house, long live the Squad

googum said...

Better Maash than Medphyll or something. Now you can drink three times faster!

Killing me, man: I skipped Boomerang, Maash, Tiger, Bat-Mite, and now I'm wishing I didn't. Nice work!

Shlomo Ben Hungstien said...

why did i not see that Crocodile Dundee reference coming!? if there was some kind of adam glass looking figure as there are Suicide Squad ones like you have Dale that could also make for some fun theater.
especially if one was willing to fuck up the "adam glass" figure. back in the day when i was a kid i destroyed some of my figures. usually by burning them. i remember this one time me and a buddy blew up an original COBRA hiss tank with a televiper in the cockpit. he landed in the neighbor's yard. the M-80 that blew up was put in the turrent cock pit at the top. looking back i can't believe we did that to a collector's item toy but it was an awesome explosion. then there was the time we blew a shuttle Tyderium model from Return of the Jedi. unlike the hiss tank which blew up into about 12 chunks the shuttle model blew up into a shit load of splintered pieces just like a house made of popsicle sticks would have.
even with out things like blogs or even the internet back then those were some of the best days of my life.

Dale Bagwell said...

-Omega, thanks for the kind words and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Stupid question time, who's Dave?

-Goo, well I hope I showed you about skipping figures.Ha ha! It happens to all of us sometimes, but I'm glad I snagged these guys too. Glad you liked the skit man.

You guys should also thank Goo and Robot Chicken, both huge influences in me to do this. And no I'm not just saying that because Goo pays me too.

-Ben, you and me must be truly kindred spirits in that we both enjoyed destroying our toys when were kids. I was too young to use m-80's, so I went caveman-style and bashed my joes with rocks. Hell I used to wear out my Tonka trucks that were supposed to be basically indestructible since they were metal, but with me they weren't. Ha ha. To this day I regret bashing my super-powers Dr.Fate to death. I didn't know who he was at the time, but I doubt that would've stopped me. Ahh the days of blissful ignorant childhood huh?
But damn since you had the m-80's we would've had fun hanging out, blowing shit up.

You liked the Crocodile Dundee reference huh? C'mon man I had to do it!

Again, thanks you guys for commenting. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was doing this for you guys just as much as I am for myself. Good onya!

Dan said...

Hey Dale.. liked the skits mr! Sorry for the delay internets gone down at home due to construction till tuesday and online yime has taken a dive. loved all the skits and if ya think aussie slang is bad, wait till you come across kiwi lol it'll be joker level crazy!!

Awesome stuff as always. so much so next time youre downunder ill buy you a real beer to ssy cheers!

Dale Bagwell said...

-Dan, glad you liked it man. I'll try and take you up on that offer someday. But no Fosters alright? I'm a Bud Light kinda' guy.

I hear you about internet troubles; that shit goes around like the flu.
Hope your luck changes for the better soon.

Omega Agent1 said...

Dave aka Shlomo Ben Hungstien. I thought it was his suggestion to do these five guys. Either way the idea to do it was great. Waiting on the next chapter, got my popcorn ready.

Dale Bagwell said...

Yeah you're right. For some reason I was like "Who's Dave?" No, it was totally Shlomo Ben's idea, and I just ran with it.

I'm open to any suggestions/ideas for new skits like that, so feel free to drop some knowledge on my ass.

Have a good one man....

"Get Snakey"

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