Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Jesus Fucking Christ Hal.....




Sure Hal, sure. That's what ALL pedophiles/child molesters and members of NAMBLA say.

Seriously, what the hell was DC thinking letting a such scandalous and potentially character-damaging storyline like this be allowed to be printed?

You can definitely file this under the tagline of my old features, What The Fuck Where They Thinking!?

Speaking of pedos, I don't know if you guys have seen this or not, but Vice News (of the Vice Network) tweeted a video of Sasha Baron Cohen (Borat, Ali G) interviewing Alabamian judge Republican Roy Moore.

What makes the interview so noteworthy (Cohen has a parody show called Where In America?) is how Cohen tricked Moore into the interview in order to fuck with him and call him a pervert without directly coming out and saying it.

Check it out:



HA! GOT 'EM!!!!!



Monday, July 30, 2018

Everyone Poops!



Even Prince Namor......




There's a "Brother, can you spare a roll" joke in there. I just know it.

Why did I choose to (crudely) photoshop Namor on a toilet?
For shits and giggles really. That I found the original picture posted on Twitter by a fellow comic blogger named Slay Monstrobot Of The Deep.


Maybe you've heard of him?

Anyhoo he posted the original source picture to go along with a running theme about certain FF villains getting the best designed chairs.

Here's the original source image:



I saw it and instantly thought, "yeah this'll make for a great shot of Namor shitting on the toilet.
And thus another crudely-crafted project was off and running.

Plus it made for a scat-tastic addition to my "Fixed It" feature on here.

Here's a few more variations:







As to the exact nature of why Namor had to answer nature's call, maybe this might explain things:


Yup, Doom played the dread brown note while Namor was in the immediate vicinity.
Sounds legit to me.


Also, you know how modern science has told us that in order to more be more productive when you shit, that you're supposed to be in the squatting position or take a cue from royalty, and shit while your feet rest elevated on a foot rest.





So today I'm trying the royal position. So far so good.

What?

So, remember kids....








EVERYBODY!



Thursday, July 26, 2018

Tears=Money

TGIT!!!!!!!

Well damn.....who knew this was an actual thing?


No, seriously this is an actual thing, collecting real human tears and selling them back to people.
Don't believe me? Check out these links to businesses, big and small, that sell tears and/or the salt from tears:



 Hoxton Street Monster supplies based out of England sells salt from human tears, be it out of pain, joy, sadness, or even boredom. 
All this for only $38 pounds a piece! (11-47$ American)

Not sure what the actual ratio of human tears to other ingredients are, but boy don't those bottles look nice though?

The Hoxton Monster Supply store also sells other joke and novelty items as well, like Banshee Balls (gumballs) Fang Floss (yarn), Cubed Earwax and more. 

You can check all that out and more at their official website: https://www.monstersupplies.org/
And as an added bonus, most, if not all proceeds are donated to various charities, so there's that I guess.

If you're someone has a lot of disposable cash laying around and you're in the mood to buy actual human tears, the fine folks at Lee Biosolutions has you covered.


For $158 you can get a 0.1ml sample of human tears, while $730 will get you 5 samples.
Huh, those are some pretty expensive tears man. They better be from a REALLY big movie/tv star for those prices. 

Another laboratory is also selling human donor tears as well.



Innovate Research is another official place to get tears, And much like Lee Biosolutions, those pure tears are going to cost you. 
Like $235 to $615 cost you. Yeah. And it seems for about same amounts as Lee Biosolutions.

Of course if those prices don't do it for you, there's always Ebay and Craigslist right? 

Hmmm.....

ok, maybe not eBay, but definitely Craigslist though right?

Besides the band Tears For Fears (that's a VERY bad deal btw guys) the only other two things this reminds me of is that one passage from the bible, Psalms chapter 126, verse 5 "Those who sow in tears, shall reap with shouts of joy."

Thanks to REM's video for their song "Everybody Hurts" for searing this into my brain.


That and that one episode of South Park, "Scott Tenorman Must Die" where Cartman gets revenge on his Scott, where he tastes Scott's tears after feeding his family ground up in a bowl of chili and has favorite band Radiohead insult him.


Still damn funny after all this time....


That's me for this week, have a good one people......



Monday, July 23, 2018

No Bat-Fucks Given



In case you've been away from the internet for a week or more, and I highly doubt that, you've had to do already noticed the big buzz around the latest (Teen) Titans TV series trailer featuring the particularly infamous quote heard 'round the world, "Fuck Batman."




And while it shouldn't be that shocking considering how much that exact phrase has to have been repeated amongst the many heroes and villains of the DCU at various times over the years,  it's the fact that his partner Robin (or maybe ex-partner based off the overall tone of the show and promo) is the one that said it right out of the gate that makes it so shocking.



So yeah, (Teen) Titans is apparently getting the Riverdale treatment and will be edgy AF considering the demographic.

Hey, I don't have a problem with it. Whatever, I may, or may not watch it, but at least the show's already doing its job in generating buzz a head of the premiere.

Here's an online article that helps round up most of the popular jokes and memes dedicated to this new Bat-Phenomenon now:

https://uproxx.com/viral/funniest-best-tweets-titans-tv-show-f-ck-batman/

You just know if this was back during the Adam West Batman show and Dick had said that to Batman, Bruce would've whipped out the ol' industry bat-sized Bat-soap for the boy to chomp on......after getting spanked......probably.....

And it looks like Dick's not the only Bat-Family member to break bad......






If this isn't a PSA I don't know what else is......



Also in the news, director James Gunn is the latest celeb to get in deep shit for some bad stuff he said, which led to Disney shit-canning his ass off Guardians of the Galaxy.

Yup. 

Thanks to the beauty of the internet we nice little round up of old tweets Gunn posted where he claims he was trying to be provocatively funny and offensive, all at the same time.

Here's just a small sample of what he tweeted out:

Yeah, probably not a good idea to ever joke about pedophilia like that, especially if you're a celeb who's constantly in the public eye.

Now apparently even though these are old tweets from around 2012 and earlier, before the first Guardians' movie, someone at Disney and Marvel just had to have known this shit was out there floating around to be discovered right?

Surely he would've and in fact HAD told his respective bosses about those......right? I guess not.


As I write about this, there's already plenty of public outcry about this, both in support of Gunn, as in the case of Drax himself, actor/wrestler Dave Bautista, and those against him.

In fact as of now, he has about over 150,000 people who have signed a petition to Disney to re-hire him.

Yeah, good luck with that. Ask Rosanne how that well that'll work out for him. 

Look, I'm all for inappropriate humor and dirty, morbid jokes and shit, but making bad jokes about being a pedophile is dumb and really not that funny.....except if you happen to be an actual pedophile.
And for the love of Christ, if you're a well-known celeb auditioning for a big job that'll increase your public presence in the media, how about DON'T joke about pedophilia....or rape....or anything that could be closely associated to those things.

In fact, I've whipped a handy aid for all you celebs out there still debating on whether or not you should tell or tweet out a bad dirty joke:


You're welcome celebs.


I will say this about Gunn, he the was the best thing to happen to the Guardians' franchise, and now I'm curious who'll replace him. It's not going to be easy, especially since a familiar and well-working theme and tone has already been established. Then again, if Gamora's staying dead, as the rumors are saying, maybe a new change of direction will better reflect the changes that were caused by Infinity War.



Tuesday, July 17, 2018

By The Moons of Munipoor: Summer Edition



Here's some quick summer gags for you guys courtesy of my action figure shelf's production company, starring Dr. Strange and Not-quite-Namor The Submariner.


First up, we get a look at what the good doctor's been up to on his much needed summer vacation in a dimension that mimics the best of our own hot beaches, but exists that way all-year round forever....






Meanwhile........



That's what right true believers, apparently one of Namor's ancestors was once the Supreme Sorcerer of Earth Atlantis. Guess he didn't stay employed for too long......



Later the two erstwhile frenemies meet up and compare notes on their summer vacation so far.....




Probably should've spent a little more time on this, but it'll suit it's purpose:






Monday, July 16, 2018

"Wesley Willis"



If you happened to catch one of my tweets late yesterday, you'll note how I said I was was ashamed that up until yesterday, I'd never heard of the late Wesley Willis, or his musical genius.


I wasn't kidding about that because I'd truly never heard of him before.
I'm willing to bet many of you out there probably haven't either.

You will after today....

Here's a little intro into Wesley's life:



   Here's one more if you want a quicker snippet of the Wesley Willis experience in under 5 minutes:


And here's his wikipedia link for further detailed info I may skip over



So basically Wesley Willis was an unconventional musician who also happened to be a chronic schizophrenic. In he was constantly plagued by inner demons who always put him down and tell him horrible things. In order to drown out those voices, he'd often take long bus rides, or Joyrides, as he called them, listening to music for hours on end and drawing many Chicago city landmarks.

Here's some examples of his very vibrant work:




Over his brief lifetime, he'd go on to draw thousands of these drawings, often selling them for 20-40$ a pop.

It wasn't until after his death that his works would go on to make bigger money than that, hundreds of  of dollars big money:




There's even exhibits in certain art museums all over the world, even as far as Egypt, where his famous cityscapes hang.

Eventually he started making his own music. And it caught on, growing into a small, but faithful following on the Indy music scene.

With the help of some local punk musicians, Wesley formed his own band, the Wesley Willis Fiasco from 1991-1996, influencing many mainstream musicians and music industry movers and shakers such as Eddie Vedder, Members of Rob Zombie's band White Zombie, Mike D of the Beastie Boys, Henry Rollins, and legendary producer Rick Rubin, who signed Willis to a recording contract for his American Recordings sub-label.

He'd also go on to tour, as well as make frequent appearances on MTV, especially MTV2 as well as that time he was a guest on the Howard Stern show.

Here's a track listing of a lot of these, and to me they're funny as fuck, and no not in an exploitative way, but because he sings a lot about kicking or getting his ass kicked by certain famous superheroes, or imploring someone to suck on some various animal's dicks.

Trust me, the songs are funnier than I'm doing them justice right now.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=wesley+willis

Sadly Willis would die of complications from Leukemia on August 31, 2003.
Gone way too soon, but influencing countless others with his musical talent and art.


Why he even makes a cameo of sorts, in a 2013 issue of the Phew 52-era Wonder Woman
as a supporting character named Milan, a blind demigod with the power of far-sight who just so happens to really physically resemble Willis.


Anyways, do yourself a favor and see what all the fuss is about. Who knows, you just might get a couple of laughs at out of it.










Friday, July 13, 2018

"I'm gonna finger bang bang you into my life"

TGIF!!!!!


Well what else was he going to do with that hand? Make a collect call?

I prefer he reach out and touch somebody instead. 



Btw, in case you didn't know, it's Friday the 13th, and you know that means don't you?

Why it's Jason Voorhees Day, of course!
























Happy Friday the 13th everybody.





















Try not to get killed by an undead mommy's boy while you have illicit sex at camp ;)


Wednesday, July 11, 2018

There, Fixed It: Two Problems For The Price Of One!



Here's the original, a panel from a random issue drawn by the late, great Steve Ditko:




There, Fixed It.....


He looks so happy just to be nominated....

And as promised, here's how we got to this mess in the first place:


Dream Waves: The Winter Guard

TGIF!!!!! Welcome to this week's edition of Where I am present my ideas for possible future lines of figures I'd love to s...