Thursday, May 24, 2012


This is dedicated to one little lady(and you know who you are)

Captain Cold: "Ha ha ha ha! Now that you hapless fools are on ice,  and lightened of your load of money, I'll be on my way before some pompious do-gooder happens by."

Random Victim: "Ugh! Help us, somebody. I can't feel my legs and there's a kid trapped in ice under here."

Captain Cold: "Chill out asshole. I'm sure you'll be thawed out soon.  Ha ha ha!"

Zatanna: "Ugh! I just wanna' get through this day. Great now what? I'm picking up a robbery in progress on the police scanner through the airwaves. And just when I needed to go pick of some Midol too."

Captain Cold: "Ah, Zatanna. About time one of you damn do-gooders showed up. So what's it gonna' be? Do I get my money or do these poor idiots live the rest of their disgusting lives as human popcicles?"

Zatanna: "Oh man! I really don't have time for this. Look, Aunt Flow just came to town, so can we just skip to the part where you surrender or I knock you out so I can go home?"

Captain Cold: "Wait, what!? You're on the rag? Riding the crimson wave? Swiming the blood canal?

Zatanna: "Yesss!"

Captain Cold: "So lemme' get this straight; One of the most powerful beings in the whole entire planet who can erase me out of existence with a backward word is on her period?"

Zatanna: "For the last time, yes! Wanna' make something of it?" 

Captain Cold: "Okay, I surrender. I didn't really need the dough anyway. Just going to waste it on some hookers later anyways."

Zatanna: "Yeah, I really don't need to hear about your dysfunctional love-life."

Captain Cold: "You want to me to get you some cranberry juice? I can make it into an icee?"

Zatanna: "Grrrrrr!"

Random Victim: "Hey! What the fuck guys!? Human popsicles over here. Hey, howzabout getting us outta' here? C'mon, my nuts are fucking frozen over here. My balls feel like a bag of frozen peas for fuck's sake! 'Sign' I knew I shouldn't have gone to work today."

The End


Captain Cold: "It's your turn to pull me on the sleigh mommy. Now do it!"

Zatanna: "'Sigh' I should've just got that abortion like the doctor recommended."


Shlomo Ben Hungstien said...

"Riding the crimson wave? Swiming the blood canal?" can't say i've ever heard those before. Dale, have you ever seen the movie Superbad?

Dale Bagwell said...

Ha, yes I have, and I love that scene! No, I've heard of "crimson wave" for awhile now, but "swimming the blood canal is all mine. I made it up.

Have you heard the joke about the Vampire and the bloody tampon?

He was making tea. Ha ha!

Shlomo Ben Hungstien said...

i think the contents of my stomach just ended up on my kitchen floor. i should have known this popsting wasn't going to have anything to do with Pearl Jam when i first saw the title.

Dan said...

Why would Zatanna need to shop or even cash? If her own magic couldn't knock some up, she could just invite Ronny Raymond over and get him to turn the air in her garage into a lifetime supply. You know, in return for a peck on the cheek or somethin'.

Dale Bagwell said...

-Shlomo, to quote Nelson from the Simpsons, "Ha ha!"

-Dan, that's a good idea actually. I'll be sue to mention that to her just as soon as she's in a better mood:)

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