Thursday, August 31, 2017

So, Who Would Win?: The Fantastic Four VS. The Four


Welcome to another edition of So, Who Would Win?, where I pit a team of super-powered individuals against each other, or rather a one on one battle between two super-powered beings to see who'd be the last man standing.

This week I'm closing out my birth month of August with a battle between the first family of Marvel Comics, the Fantastic Four and their darker, evil counterparts, The Four.

Now honestly this has been a fight I've been wanting to see for some time now, ever since Warren Ellis and John Cassidy's evil and twisted version of the FF first appeared in the pages of Planetary #6 (May 1999). 

The Four came to be after their mission to outer space had them instead run into the Bleed, an interdimensional highway to the multiverse. It was there, that they met up with an extremely powerful and advanced race of alien beings that spared their lives and gave them super powers in return for the Four allowing them to successfully invade Earth. They did this over the next 50 years by undermining and subverting any attempt or uprising of super-powered beings that could possibly disrupt that plan.

Actions like these, as well as various atrocities and cruel, scientific experimentations by Dowling is what brought the Four into a long conflict with the Planetary organization.

Eventually Planetary won, and the Four was finally defeated for good in Planetary #26.

Now let's compare the two teams stats and see how they stack up against each other:

-The Fantastic Four:

1). Mr. Fantastic -
  • Genius-level intellect
  • Extreme superhuman elasticity, malleability, and endurance
  • Resistance to most physical assaults and electricity
  • Virtual immunity to psychic powers

2). The Invisible Woman-
AbilitiesCompetent martial artist
Projected invisibility
Invisible force field projection (which bestows the ability to generate protective invisible shields and invisible energy constructs as well as the power to control and manipulate objects)

3). The Human Torch-
  • Pyrokinesis
  • Fiery form that enables flight, serves as damage shield
  • Heat energy absorption
  • Resistance to extreme heat

4). The Thing-
  • Skilled street fighter and hand to hand combatant
  • Superhuman strength, stamina and durability
  • Rock-like skin
  • Excellent dexterity
  • Above-average reflexes
  • Enhanced lung capacity

The Four:

1). Randall Dowling- Dowling himself has the ability to "stretch" his mind, and "pilfer" information from the minds of those who have been in his proximity.

2). Kim Suskind- Endowed with the powers of invisibility and force field generation.
She wears special goggles that Dowling invented for her; these goggles enable her to see when using her powers, as light passes through an invisible woman's eyes.

3). William Leather- amplified strength, durability and energy projection, the latter his point of similarity to the Fantastic Four's Human Torch.

4). Jacob Greene- mutated into an immensely durable but hideous being (similar to the Fantastic Four's Thing)

As you can see, both teams are pretty evenly-matched in terms of powers and skills, with one notable exception in the case of Dowling; he can't stretch his body like Reed can, but rather "stretch" his mind to invade the minds of others and gather any information he wants. Now whether or not this counts as a psychic attack that Mr. Fantastic is supposed to be immune to, I don't know, but kinda' sounds like it.

Now one on one, it looks the Four could possibly, POSSIBLY, squeeze out a victory.
Why do I say that?


  • While Dowling is as smart as Reed, his powers are such that, if Reed can resist Dowling invading his mind, then Reed's got this easy.
  • Sue's powers are more powerful than Suskind's not to mention she doesn't need special goggles to see, so right there Sue has a distinct advantage. All she has to do is damage or disable those goggles, and that's it, game over for Suskind.
  • Leather has enhanced strength and durability, which may give him that little bit of an edge over Johnny if they're already evenly matched. 
  • Likewise, it seems just based off the way Ellis portrayed Greene, that he was probably stronger and overall tougher than our boy Ben. The fact that the only way that Snow and his crew could neutralize Greene was by banishing him to the darkest depths of space since they couldn't kill him, even with all their technological resources, should speak volumes to just how tough Greene really was.

All that being said, I expect one hell of a fight, no matter the duration, especially since the Four really are more ruthless and sadistic than their more heroic counterparts, but not necessarily more powerful.


The Fantastic Four


The Four

Who wins and why?
As always I'm curious what you guys think, so feel free to leave your thoughts and speculations in the comments' section.

Have a good weekend folks....

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Fantasy Team-Up: Daredevil and Dr. Midnight

For this week's edition of Fantasy Team-Up, I'm teaming up two well-known blind superheroes, Daredevil, the man without fear, and the original, golden age Dr. Midnight.

Now you're probably thinking, "Okay that sounds like a natural team-up; they're both blind, so ok, makes sense. But one's a current age hero and the other is a dead guy from the 40's. How would they even meet?"

Good question loyal reader.
My answer is the obvious one; time travel.

Don't you guys and gals remember, that Dr. Midnight is the member of the JSA, and who's a certain time-travelling themed villain that the JSA fights ad nauseam?

Why this motherfucker of course, Per Degaton....

In my scenario, Per Degaton is up to his usual scheming, orchestrating something big and monumental to turn the world into Planet Nazi, as he usually does.

Well this time, he has to go modern day New York in order to retrieve a vital object of power that would help his plans come to fruition....or....or, let's say during another battle with the JSA, his time-traveling machine or whatever the fuck he uses, gets damaged in the fight. For some very odd and incredibly fortuitous reason, he's forced to go to present to get this object to re-power said device.

Well Dr. Midnight, being the closest to his time portal, quickly follows Per Degaton through, in an attempt to shut that shit down.

They both stumble and land in present day New York. Hell's Kitchen to be exact.
And who do we know is the main protector associated with Hell's Kitchen, why only the Man without Fear, and a two Netflix series....Daredevil!

Sensing trouble in the alleyway where Per Degaton and Dr. Midnight are fighting, DD swings into action goes to investigate what's going on.

Using whatever futuristic devices he has left at his disposal, Per Degaton has Doc Midnight on the ropes, and is about to finish him off, when Daredevil in a timely manner, throws one of his trusty billy clubs at Degaton, stopping him from landing a killing blow.

Per Degaton is not amused by this new player on the scene.
He quickly sizes him up...

Daredevil: "I don't know if you knew this or not, but killing someone is a definite no-no in city, especially the killing of a masked man."

Per Degaton: "Ahhh, yes. of course. Hell's Kitchen. Then you must be its infamous protector, the so-called Man without Fear, Daredevil, is it?"

DD: "That's right. Now what are you doing in here, besides attempted murder?"

Per Degaton: "That, is no business of yours my horned, blind friend. Oh yes, I know who you are and that like this blinder narr* (Blind Fool in German) you too are also a blind superhero."

DD: "Good, then there's no need for foreplay. Let's get to the usual song and dance, shall we?"

Per Degaton: "Oh, I think not Mr. Devil. You see there are more important things for me to attend to rather than playing cops and robbers with another overzealous do-gooder."

DD: "Awww, you're hurting my feelings."

Per Degaton:" I plan on doing a lot more than hurt your feelings. Here, this will keep you preoccupied while I collect something very valuable that I need."

And with that, pulls out a very futuristic-looking device, presses and button, and then a huge flash of light, accompanied by a big billow of smoke suddenly appears....

Stepping out of the light and smoke, DD uses his radar sense to make sense of what's going on.
It's at that moment he "sees" the group of figures becoming clearer and clearer into view.

It's Elektra, surrounded by a bunch of Hand ninjas.

Per Degaton: "I believe you've met them all before, haven't you my little red devil?"

DD: "E-Elektra?"

Per Degaton: "There. I figured that would keep you and your new found-friend busy for awhile. You're welcome by the way, for the lovely reunion."

And with that Per Degaton successfully takes off, but not before DD has a chance to nail him with another billy club shot, this time damaging, another important part of his time-travelling device.

Now, Daredevil is forced to fight an Elektra and Hand, pulled from the past, but no less deadly.

Dr. Midnight gets up and composes himself, readying himself for the fight to come.

DD: "You ready-"

Dr. Midnight: "Midnight, Dr. Midnight. Didn't I just hear you're blind too?"

DD: "Yeah, long story, but I have my advantages."

Dr. Midnight: "I see. Good. Looks like we're going to need them."

DD: "It definitely appears that way."

And with that, Daredevil and the golden age Dr. Midnight team-up to fight Elektra and the Hand from the past.

Spoiler alert, they win, and then somehow and very dramatically, Dr. Midnight disappears as suddenly as he appeared in that time period, leaving a very puzzled Daredevil behind...

I'll definitely follow up on this with a team-up of the modern day Dr. Midnight, Dr. Pieter Cross possibly next week.

Speaking of Daredevil, I finally up the last half of DD season 2, and loved it, especially the ending,

I have already skipped ahead and watched two episodes of the Defenders series.

So far so good, but for me, it just feels like it should be called "Daredevil and his Amazing Friends" since it feels more like DD season 2.5 than anything else. Oh well, 2 down, and 6 more to go.
I'm really surprised there's only 8 episodes in the season, compared the 13 or 12 that the other shows have gotten. Wonder why....

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

"If I may be completely serious, for just a moment..."

Today I wanted to get a few things off my chest in regards to this blog.

You know, every so often, I'll set back and look at the stats to this blog, looking over the numbers of visitors and then compare them to the number of direct followers I have here, and not just the number of people in my Google+ circle.

For those keeping score at home, I have exactly 24 Google+ followers to only 9 direct followers of this blog.

Yeah, that low.
Doesn't make sense either as you'd think the people in my circle would either choose to follow this blog or at the very least recommend it.

But no, they don't.

Then there's the 9 followers I have. I guess I should be thankful I even have that amount considering there's hardly any feedback, good or bad, on most of my posts barring the occasional ones by long-time friends and follow bloggers....all two of them, since most of the people that I, for what seems like a lifetime ago, used to interact with on a regular basis (many of which are still listed as this blog's followers) have seemingly lost interest in blogging and are doing other things, or had to quit due to work.

I get that. Life happens while you're busy making plans, and all that, but still, I miss them.

You may know them as RandomNerd/Vanslammy, Omega Agent1, LJ Panther, Dan from and the King of Thessaly, of which still has an active Twitter account, but chooses not to talk to me either anymore. Don't know why, as we've never had any problems that I was aware of. But whatever.

Used to use have a regular commenter and friend, Karl S. Disley on here, or whatever he calls himself these days, since I discovered last year that wasn't his real name and he was using a family relative's picture as his own. Yeah real creepy right?

I won't bore you with the details, but he turned out tot be a real creepy fuck who didn't have any problems talking shit to me through e-mails, claiming he had conversations with my now dead father about me, and threatening my ex (who I was still friends with at the time) by saying he'd distribute pictures of her young barely one year-old daughter to all the pedophile sites and chat rooms he knew of.

Yeah, real nice guy that one.

So yeah, I miss the old gang, even though Googum and Shlomo still comment on here from time to time. Still not the same, but nothing ever is in life.

Anyhoo, getting back to the hard data for this site, here's some numbers for any of you still reading at this point:

Pageviews today
Pageviews yesterday
Pageviews last month
Pageviews all time history

I will say, that's still an impressive number of all-time views though over the course of this blog's 11 year existence, yes 11 years, even though I wasn't all that active in the first two, then dropped out for a few years and came back to blog regularly in 2011. But you still get the point.
We've been here before you and I. We've gone over my frustrations at the extreme lack of feedback and comments, as well as the low number of followers.
I get it. You can't please everyone, and I'm also competing against other blogs, most, admittedly more popular and hip to current events than mine.
I get that. I do. 
I made peace with that to an extant, and just figured regardless, that I was doing this and continuing to do this primarily as an outlet for my creativity and a means to mostly entertain myself.
But an honest to Harmabe audience would be nice though. You know, so I can gauge just how funny or unfunny my skits are, and whether or not certain areas need to be improved upon or not.
I mean, I don't know if you guys have noticed or not, but I'm allowing myself to be more raunchier and dirtier, as far as the humor goes. I mean haven't we all wondered what over favorite superheroes or villains do when they're not on? A guy like the Penguin or Hobgoblin has certain sexual needs like the rest of us, so do they also have to deal with sexually unsatisfying relationships or have to pay for sex? Don't like to drink and get drunk like the rest of us? Aren't there plenty of occasions and opportunities where they act just as dysfunctional as the rest of us, if not more so?

That's what interests me, and what I've tried to get across in my skits lately.
That and add a Mad/Cracked magazine approach/view on those same beloved and hated comic characters.

I believe I'm getting better, or at least I think I am, but there's no regular feedback. I even pimp and advertise this blog on Twitter and still nothing. So I'm left feeling like this is all happening in a vacuum, away from the rest of the world. Maybe it is. Maybe Blogger's not the platform I should be using anymore.

Kind of feels that way sometimes.

I mean shit, LiveJournal used to be a thing, and now it's long since been abandoned as blog-like website. And look at all those other social media sites and apps Blogger has to compete with on a daily basis. Speaking of, how much of a raw deal are people getting from Photobucket these days?

Fuck, no more free storage for you son, you have to pay for that now, or else risk losing all your photos in what amounts to nothing more than a high-priced ransom scheme. Fuck that I say, let 'em keep whatever you don't save directly to your own personal computer.

All this to say, enjoy me while you still have me folks.
I can do the same thing on Facebook if I want (even though I tire of that place due to the ultra-strict rules and restrictions they so Orwellianly enforce) Or maybe WordPress.....That's another Blogger alternative, even though is touted as being "Google's most popular blogging tool."

Maybe so, but you couldn't tell that from viewing the numbers on this blog.

I know, I know, it sounds like I'm whining and complaining, going on like some butt-hurt egomaniac with delusions of grandeur.

But I'm not. I'm just trying to matter.

I figure once I'm finally done with this thing, I'll at least still leave it up, so it can be re-discovered later on and hopefully enjoyed in its entirety more then than now. We'll see.

But until then, I'm going to keep on keeping on, and continue to challenge and entertain myself.
Like actor Terry Crews said in the Adam Sandler remake of the movie The Longest Yard, "It ain't easy being cheesy."

Well said Terry, well said.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Morbid Facts: Ant-Man Was A Drug-Smuggler

That's right folks, the original Ant-Man, Hank Pym, used to be a drug-smuggler.
Don't believe me?
Well then dear readers, check this shit out.....

Sounds legit to me.....

Thursday, August 24, 2017

So, Who Would Win?: The Authority VS. The Dark Avengers


Welcome folks to another exciting edition of So, Who Would Win?, a weekly feature where I pit two individuals or teams from the world of comic books, against each other in a last-man standing battle.

This week, I'm pitting Warren Ellis and Mark Millar's Authority (A dark riff off the Justice League) against the Dark Avengers, a team headed up by Norman Osborn (The Green Goblin) back during Marvel Comics' Dark Reign era back in 2009 when the villains of the MU where basically running things in the aftermath of 2008's Secret Invasion event.

Before we get into it, let's take a brief look into the histories of each team shall we?

Debuting back in May of 1999, the Authority was initially created out of a black ops division of the Jim Lee-created international super-team, Stormwatch. After Stormwatch was disbanded, Jenny Sparks took the the members of the black ops group, then called Stormwatch: Black, and formed the Authority as a new and very proactive team of superhero protectors.

Now while there have been quite a few iterations of the team over the years, for the sake of today's battle, I'll be focusing on the original founding members of the team. Namely....

  • Jenny Sparks, "The Spirit of the Twentieth Century"; the group's founder and original leader. (Control over electricity
    Transform herself into electricity
    Decelerated ageing
    Has perpetual youth that will end on the last day of the old century (until she dies)
  • Apollo, "The Sun God". (Solar-based being capable of absorbing solar energy and converting it into immense physical strength and speed, nigh-invulnerability, flight, and release blasts of laser-like heat vision through his eyes
  • Midnighter a.k.a. Lucas Trent, "Night's Bringer of War"
  • Enhanced physical attributes
  • Temporary pain suppression
  • Auxiliary heart
  • Enhanced reflexes)
  • The Doctor a.k.a. Jeroen Thornedike, "The Shaman" (Vast magical abilities that amount to reality warping granted by the Earth.
  • The second Engineer a.k.a. Angela Spica, "The Maker" (Nanotechnology in her body allows her to fly and to create anything she can imagine
    High intelligence
  • Jack Hawksmoor, "The God of Cities" (A vast array of powers linked to a city environment)
  • Swift a.k.a. Shen Li-Min, "The Winged Huntress" (Wings for flight
    Talons, enhanced strength and durability)

Next up is the Dark Avengers:

  • Iron Patriot (Norman Osborn) (Uses high-tech armor)
  • The Sentry (Superhuman Strength, Speed & Stamina
    • Healing Factor
    • Light Manipulation
    • Nigh Invulnerability
    • Flight
    • Enhanced senses
    • Matter Transmutation
    • Intangibility
  • Ares, God of War (Expert armed combatant
    Superhuman strength, speed, stamina, durability, and reflexes superior to that of most Olympians
    Magic manipulation
    Immunity to all diseases and infections
    Virtual immortality
  • Wolverine (Daken) (Excellent martial artist
    Superhuman physical attributes
    Accelerated healing factor
    Retractable claws
    Hyper senses
    Pheromone manipulation
    Immunity to telepathy)
  • Spider-Man/Venom (The Scorpion) (Symbiote grants:
    All of Spider-Man's powers
    Limited shape-shifting
    Immunity to Spider-Sense
  • Ms. Marvel (Moonstone) (Superhuman strength, speed, stamina and reflexes
    Gravity manipulation
    Photon blasts
    Light generation
    Minor molecular control)
  • Hawkeye (Bullseye) (Expert martial artist
    Exceptional physical condition
    Use of edged/throwing weapons and conventional firearms
    Spinal column and various other bones laced with adamantium
    Innate ability to throw virtually any object as a projectile
  • Captain Marvel (Noh-Var/Marvel Boy) (Enhanced Physiology)
Now that's done with, let's get to the heart of the matter;
It comes down to this, both teams have absolutely no qualms about killing, so with that said, you can fully expect both teams to do their deadly best take out the other using lethal force.

I'd have to think seeing how the Authority is NOT like other regular super-hero teams who frown on killing (for some it's a last ditch resort if needed) that this would momentarily stun the Dark Avengers, temporarily throwing them off their game a bit, until they adjust to the situation. 

It'll be a hell of a fight that's for sure, especially seeing the Sentry unleashed against a fully-powered Apollo, or the Midnighter throwing down with Daken. Would Daken's mutant-powered pheromones interfere with the Midnighter's neural implants that give him such an edge in a fight?

I know if Jenny and her teammates ever find out that every single one of the Dark Avengers (outside of the Sentry and Noh-Var) are hardened, life-long criminals with no hope of rehabilitation, that would even further encourage the Authority to actively try to kill them all.

Either way it's going to be a hell of a fight. 
Honestly, I really only see Ares and the Sentry being the most difficult ones for the Authority to defeat, especially the Sentry once he goes into full-on Void mode. He may just be only one who's totally unbeatable unless the Authority can trick him to going aboard the Authority's main moving base, the Carrier, and drop him off into the Bleed.


The Authority


The Dark Avengers

Who would win and why?
I'm curious to see who you guys pick to be the last team standing after all is said and done.

Have a good rest of the week and weekend folks.....

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Fantasy Team-Up: The Punisher and The Vigilante

For today's edition of Fantasy team-Up, I' pairing up what I feel would be a very natural pairing in the Punisher and The Vigilante.

This one's seriously a no-brainer, and I've brought it up before, especially in a skit, as seen here:

I brought this one up because I see Frank and Adrian having somewhat of a bromance, seeing as how they both have A LOT in common.

Let's take a brief look at the main things they have in common:

  • They both lost their families to Mob violence
  • They both kill criminals
  • They both work outside the law
  • They've both worked with and worked against other superheroes and superhero teams

Now of course the there are some slight differences though.

See Adrian seemed to constantly struggle with his actions as the Vigilante.
At first he used non-lethal methods to fight crime. Then after accidentally killing a corrupt cop, he changed his mind on the whole non-lethal thing, and started popping caps in criminal asses.
This quickly lead to his mental state unraveling more and more, where he'd alternate between bouts of intense anger and paranoid, to intense remorse and guilt for his actions. In the end he couldn't handle it anymore and killed himself.

Frank doesn't really suffer from these mental bouts, well not anymore. While it can be debated whether or not he has mental issues (he probably does as well as well as an extreme case of PTSD)
he's never really felt guilt over killing criminals. That's really his therapy.

Regardless of all that, in a perfect setting, I can see both of these guys working VERY well together, killing criminals, swapping stories about their kills, discussing and exchanging weapon-cleaning tips.

And if Adrian is still working as an attorney, he could become a defense attorney strictly to help keep or get Frank out of jail.

I guess Frank would finally meet a lawyer he'd actually like for a change;)

Something to think about....

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

"Hurry Up, Get in! No Time to explain"

Hey, whatta' know, another brand new skit.....

The End


So, how about that solar eclipse right?
I saw it, all 2 minutes of it, this "historic event"that numerous people traveled from all over to go to certain spots, like here in SC, where they had a really good view of the eclipse. 

All that hoop-la and people and stressing over getting a hold of those damn glasses, and now what? They're not worth shit now unless you're super-attached to them.  I swear, people get excited over the dumbest shit sometimes.

At least we got a break from President Orange dominating the typical news day.....

"Closing time. You don't have to go home but you can't stay here."

Well..... I kinda always knew this day would come, and it sure has. It's been a hell of a ride, but it's time to for it end. Ti...