Monday, April 30, 2012

Collector Box Blues

Hello Cats and Kittens,
Well today is the the last skit of the month, and what a month of skits it's been huh? Half-weird, half-wonderful, and kinds crazy good fun!

I'm sure you're all wondering what's in store for you guys today? Well wait no more good people, and enjoy "Collector Box Blues."

Thing: "Quick, someone say sumptin' funny before that sonavabitch sticks us back in that damn box again!"

Mr. Fantastic: "Hmm. Well I do have a funny anecdote about Albert Einstein."

Torch: "
Dammit Reed, Ben said something funny, not something that'll make us wanna' blow our brains out due to sheer boredom!"

Invisible Woman: "Johnny! You don't have to be so mean to Reed. You know comedy's not his forte."

Mr. Fantastic: "Gee honey, thanks."

Torch: "Hey sis, you have to put up with Reed because you married him, not us. It's not our fault's he's not funny."

Thing: "Great, just great! We've wasted all dis' time fussin' without being funny. Now we're going back inta' that damn box fa' sure!"

-The Thing farts....big time!

Torch: "What a revoltin' development that was Ben...In your pants! Ugh god!"

Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Woman: "Urghh, Ben!!!! That was much, much worse than an attack by Dr. Doom old friend!"

Thing: "Sorry!"

-All three laugh at Ben.

Thing: "Does that mean I did good then?"

What do you think guys? Not bad?

No on to something a  little different.

You remember that whole Heroes Reborn event from the late 90's? I'm sure most of you do. I'll get back  to how badly time's(and fans have) treated them over years, but that's not what I want to showcase right now. Nope, after going over all of the various HR issues I have, I've stumbled on a few quotes from the various heroes, that if taken out of the innocent context they were written in, could be taken out of context as extremely sexual and just plain wrong.  Wizard Magazine's done this before with various X-Men quotes over the years , so sit back and enjoy the little nuggets of perversity I've stumbled upon.

Fantastic Four#2 (Vol.2)( Nov'96):
Sue Storm: "Reed! It's, it's working! keep!"
"Can't maintain this shaft..much longer! The Strain is murderous!"

-No that's not Mr.Fantastic's nether region she's talking about. Go read the issue and you'll see what's really going on here.

Fantastic Four#5 (Vol.2) (Jan '97):
Super-Skrull: "Enough! Unngh!" " Your human form would not have been able to withstand the infusion of such raw primal power!"

-Man I hope he's just talking about the power Cosmic and not something else. Ugh indeed!

Finally this other gem of perversity:

Iron Man#7 (Vol.2) (May '97):
Thor: "A hole. Thou hast brought the God of Thunder to the very netherworld of Avengers show me a hole?"

"My armored friend, as holes go, it compares to none. And I do not mean to belittle thy efforts, but if we art to be Avengers, why wouldst we need a hole to put our weapons when any true warrior ne'er allows his weapon to leave his side?"

Iron Man: "I....never mind."

OMG people! I hope Thor's talking about underground hole, and scene from one of those really nasty pornos. You know? The one that has some freaky chick insert her whole fist or various foreign objects into know....happy place?

Never mind indeed.
And that's a just a sample of random quotes you can find any comic book that seems just plain dirty if you have the right kind of imagination. You know, like I do.

Happy hunting kids!

Oh, here's a quick one I just found:
Apparently Ol' Shell-Head's into fisting too! Damn!


Dan said...

Can't go wrong with the Fantastic Four. 'What a revoltin' development' lol

As for the Heroes Reborn issues... well now I'll never look at Jim Lee's finally rendered pages the same way again. It's a great a idea for a feature though - 're-panel that panel'.

Lovin ya writing style to mr!

Dale Bagwell said...

Dan, as always, your nice and sincere comments make my day.

As for that "Re-panel that panel" idea of yours....not bad sir, not bad at all. I might have to steal that one from you. Let me know where I can send you the check.

By the by, how's New Zealand treating you these days?

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