Monday, August 06, 2012

"They call me the breeze.....I keep rolling down the road."

Well kiddies,
this is my 1st post as a 31 year-old, and frankly it feels the same as I did when I was 30. Go figure huh.

So I was visiting family in upstate Greenville, and found time to find a nice comic book store. It was small, but packed to the fucking rafters with toys, and one of the biggest and complete collections of trades I've ever seen! So I couldn't help myself, and bought a really nice one, called Tales of the Multiverse: Batman-Vampire. 

Yes, the whole vampire-Batman trilogy by the creative team of Doug Moench and Kelley Jones. And trust me, if you've ever seen Kelley Jones' work, then you know how he was born to draw Batman, especially as a vampire. Trust me he really does, as he's always drawn Batman with long, exaggerated ears, and there on full display in this collection. I highly recommend it, if you happen to run into it. Good, good stuff!

And of course no visit to a comic book store is complete without feeding my addiction for more action figures. And boy did I luck out.

I snatched up the DC Direct Identity Crisis Elongated Man, who has two inter-changeable rubber arms, ala Mr.Fantastic, and a neck that you can pull up a good ways. He's really nice, even if the face doesn't exactly translate as well, based off whoever sculpted him. But he's damn decent, and will hold me over until I ever run into the new DCUC version that's coming out next year via the DCUC Subscription club.

-photo is courtesy of

I then snatched up the two head combo of the GLC wave figures Medphyll and Nautkeloi. They are very cool, even though Medphyll's head makes him look like the Guardians gave a power ring to a talking broccoli stalk, and the Nautkeloi head's super loose; as in it doesn't like to stay on. I don't know if that's just the one I got, or if other people have the same problem. Other way, it's a very cool and unique figure.

Finally, besides snatching up the new Green Lantern#11, I also picked up the DCUC version of one of the Metal Men, Mercury. Normally I wouldn't because I'm not that much of a big fan of the figures in general, but he does come with a valuable piece for my C&C Bane figure. So all he's missing is his legs, and then he'll be done. So if anyone's got any spare Bane Legs, throw 'em my way please:)
There'll be a future short skit based off him missing his lower half that you guys might enjoy. And yes, all the easy jokes will be included.

I'm really starting to warm up to Mercury though, as he's bad-tempered and extremely sarcastic, so he'll be loads of fun in future skits. Plus that giant scissor-hand's cool as hell too! He looks like he's flipping you bird, but with a big pair of scissors attached. Very nice:)

So all-in-all, I made out pretty damn well. This weekend I go to my home away from home, Heroes and Dragons in Columbia. And oh yes, there will be blood.....nah, but there will be figures! Lots and lots of figures!

And with that, let's go see what's going on in Mr.Morbid's neighborhood shall we?

-Professor Zoom and Johnny Quick argue amongst themselves as to who really is the Flash's fastest and greatest foe.

Prof.Zoom: "I'm the Flash's greatest foe you fool!'

Johnny Quick: "No, you hyped-up twinkie with deer antlers, I am!"

Zoom: "Grrrr!"

Quick: "Grrrrr!"

Just then, The Flash arrives!

The Flash: "Hey. hey quiet down you two! Now what seems to be the matter fellas?"

Zoom: "Tell him Flash. Tell Mr. Johnny-not-so-Quick that I'm your greatest nemesis ever!"

Flash" "Well yeah, you do have a point there."

Quick: "No I am! Tell that moron over there, that unlike him, we're actually correctly color-coordinated. That and I'm faster, so that makes me your greatest enemy!"

Flash: "Well, yeah I guess that's a good point as well."

-Both men argue incessantly about who's the Flash's greatest enemy, causing the usually calm and collected Flash to become really annoyed and blow his top.

Flash: "Fellas, fellas! Look, you're both equally evil and useless.
-points to Zoom.
"You, you claim to be a professor, but obviously that wasn't for color theory because all you did was rip-off my costume and reverse the colors. Nothing more, nothing less; thus making you an idiot. An annoying time-traveling idiot, but an idiot nonetheless!"

-points to Johnny Quick.
"And you, what the hell's up with your costume. Yeah, you're color-coordinated alright, but what the hell's up with those antlers you have? It's like Nicola Tesla designed your outfit, but then said fuck it when he got to the ear-pieces. You look ridiculous for God sake's man! And those 'lighting stripes of yours.....God awful. I can't tell if those are lighting bolts, or someone pissed on your chest.
Now both of you scram, before I really get annoyed!"

-Zoom and Quick both look at each other in amazement at what just happened.

Zoom: "What crawled up his ass today?"

Quick: "I don't know. Maybe he's not getting any. That'll do it."

Quick: "Anyways, I still say I'm the Flash's greatest enemy."

Zoom: "No, I am and I can prove it. One word: Flashpoint!"

Quick: "Huh. Yeah you win. I mean, Me and the Syndicate may have done some fucked up shit, but we never tanked an entire universe's continuity that caused an unnecessary reboot and lost countless readers. Yeah you win."

Zoom: "That's all I'm saying."

 Bonus extra cover:

Take us out Lynyrd Skynrd........


Dan said...

Happy belated birthday dude! Does workin at the house come with a pension plan? ;-) Hope you had a good one anywho and heres to a great year ahead.

Kelley Jones is one of the greatest bat artists ever so I can imagine how cool that collection looks. an artist who draws and styilises at the same time is always good.

as for best flash rouge i so thought you were going to end with one revealing themselves to be that other Dan. Me I woulda had Grodd eat them both for the win. low on taste high on funny!

Shlomo Ben Hungstien said...

i'd wish you a happy b-day Dale but i think b-days suck. but i'd like to know more about that Batman vampire trade you picked up. it's an interesting premise.

googum said...

Durf! Excuse my lateness in wishing you a happy birthday--I took a moment to see if I had any Bane pieces for you. No. (I must've bought Creeper and Jonah Hex offa eBay!)

I think I lost the second part of the Bat-Vampire deal, but it's still pretty good. And my Nautkeloi's head is loose too--maybe you could really cram it on there, but I wouldn't. And I wonder if Johnny Quick has to fight a Heroes Gallery every month, or if he killed Cap Cold, Heatwave, and everyone the first time...

Dale Bagwell said...

@Dan, thank you good sir, and not that I know of, but I do get to play with action figures and read comics all day, so that's no too bad. Oh yeah, and I get to entertain
you crazy bastards every once and awhile, so win, win.

Like I said, Kelley Jones was custom made for Batman, especially when he's in his dark element. I may not always agree with the super long ears, but damn can the man draw horror like few can.

As or the best Rogue, I haven't given that too much thought, but yeah I have to hand it to Prof.Zoom. Like he said, "One word: Flashpoint." That says it all.

@Shlomo, thanks man, and yeah as I get older it's harder and harder to be excited for them, but then that's why there's friends, family, and booze; lots and lots of booze:)

As for the Vampire-Batman trilogy, I highly suggest you Wiki/Google it, but basically its Batman vs. Dracula. Dracula bites him, he dies and turns into a vampire, then he slowly loses his mind as the vampire attributes slowly eat away at his goodness. There's a were-Catwoman in there, as well as Batman killing all of his rogue's gallery, and every crazy inmate at Arkham Asylum. Good, good stuff. Go get it. It'a only $19.99 w/tax. You'll love it, I guarantee.

@Goo, thanks bro-ham, and to you again as well:)

I plan on doing a short skit with the legless Bane and Deadshot and Catman, so that's coming out soon.

Glad I'm not the only with a loose Nauteloi head(Now that sounds nasty:) I don't think IAT covered that, but maybe that got a decent one.

Lastly, I would love to see an all-out battle royal between the Flash's Rogues. The closest that came was, during the Rogue War storyline by Johns in '05. Personally, I think it'll come down to Zoom, Quick, Grodd, Cold, Mirror Master, Dr. Alchemy, and maybe Captain Boomerang since he has those new powers. My bet's on Zoom.

"Get Snakey"

Hey whattaya' know, it's a brand new skit this week. Enjoy this fun little homage to one of the more recently popular "danc...