Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Bum Dentistry

Hey People,
don't you just love rainy days? Well I don't when I need to take pictures, but I was able to get enough to finish this freshly-written skit featuring the Sandman and Venom. I call it my ode to Bum Dentistry:)


Venom: "Ohh, my achin' tooth!"

Sandman: "What's shakin' killer?"

Venom: "Aww, my tooth hurts. It hurts really, really bad!"

Sandman: "What the hell happened?"

Venom: "I think I overdid it on eating this fatty. They don't call them thick for nothing, oh!"

Sandman: "Haw, haw. That's rich."

Sandman: "So if you're in so much damn pain then why don't you go to a dentist?"

Venom: "Yeah I could genius, except I can't afford the deductible on my health insurance. And to think, they call us criminals."

Sandman: "I hear ya'. Fuckin' shame that one is. Well maybe I can help ya' out."

Venom: "How so?"

Sandman: "Come here!"

Venom: "Whaa!?"

Venom: "Oww! What the fuck did you do that for!?"

Sandman: "Hey, you said you couldn't afford a dentist so I did a little bum-dentistry on ya' myself. Feel better?"

Venom: "Now that you mention it, yeah. You know you enjoyed that right? Especially ever since the time I took a big bite out of you."

Sandman: "Damn right! Now lets go get a beer, and score some broads."

Extra scene:

Bum-Dentistry really does exist. How do I know this? This clip from that funny-ass, yet controversial series of dvds, Bum Fights.
Go to 2:06 for the bum-dentistry part.

or this one, where some guy pulls a homeless woman's tooth out, bum-style!


Omega Agent1 said...

The Sandman dialog is what's up. It sounded kinda genuine, busting Venom in the mouth is something he would do too.

Sandman for hire should come next. My man Chris Brown could have used him at the club a couple of months ago. Chris wouldn't have been the only one kicking ass from his team.

StarryPluto said...


Dale Bagwell said...

@Omega, thanks man, I appreciate that. Believe it or not I try to come up with genuine-sounding dialog for everyone unfortunate to wind up in my skits:)

Venom really did try to eat one time in the late 90's, when he appeared to join a new incarnation of the Sinister Six. For some reason these two started to fight, and then it Venom went all Mike Tyson on his ass. Crazy.

As for Chris Brown, considering the pictures of Rhianna's face, I don't think he needs too much help there, but a Sandman for hire strip w/maybe Luke Cage sounds awesome as hell! Thanks for the suggestion.

@Starrypluto, always a pleasure of course. Glad you liked it:)

Shlomo Ben Hungstien said...

that Venom figure is sick! ironic that you should have the Sandman here to given what my next posting is gonna be. but moving on i gotta a good friend who back in the day had to have some emergency bum dentistry performed.
some years back a buddy of mine had this life ambition of going to school up at Humboldt State. it sits in N. Cal very close to the Oregon boarder in a small college town called Arcata which is over 4 hours from the SF Bay Area. it's very close to the Cal. coastline in beautiful redwood country. but a bit of a remote location. he was pretty broke and was living up there off his student loan when one day some kind of bad shit came over a bum tooth real fast. it was killn him and he didn't have any dental insurance. so he found some local dentist who took care of him on the cheap and off the books. basically he shot him up with some novocain and pulled the tooth with out even really knowing what was wrong with it. then he just stuffed some cotton in there and told him to go home, rest and take some aspirin if need be. i think it cost him around $50. this was about 15 years ago.

Dale Bagwell said...

@Shlomo, yeah that Venom is a pretty cool-looking, buff guy ain't he? That's that the Scorpion-Venom from Dark Avengers.

Nice story too. I'm glad I've never had to resort to that, but I have had three teeth pulled because I could't afford root canals on each one. Not to mention the high price for partials. Fuck that This is 2012, why can't dental care be cheaper?

"Get Snakey"

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