Today I got a funny skit that's fresh off the presses. I mean this shit's red hot!
Namor: "Run Surface-Dwellers! Run for your miserable lives! Know that this day you've incurred the wraith of Namor the Sub-Mariner, prince and son of Atlantis!"
-Surface-dwellers run for their fucking lives!
Iron Man: "Hey Namor. How's it hanging Captain Spock?"
Namor: "I'll never understand your surface slang, but if you must know Stark, I shall flood your city and wipe out the entire lot of you insufferable surface-dwellers!"
Iron Man: "What for this time? And it better be good"
Namor: "Because the Son of Atlantis has been besmirched most foul! I, and I alone, should rightfully be the next villain to face the Avengers in the sequel, not that poor man's Darkseid lunatic, Thanos."
Iron Man: "But you're a good guy, a hero. Well you are technically, especially if you go ahead an ignore that whole Avs.X debacle. Besides, why would you want to play a villain anyway? You know you'll just lose anyway."
Namor: "Trust me, a role's a role. Ever since Obamacare started, I've had to shell out some major doubloons to cover my loyal subjects' healthcare costs. And daddy needs to make some serious bank, as you surface-dwellers say."
Iron Man: "Uh, Obamacare huh? But you're a king, why in the hell would Obamacare matter to you?"
Namor: "It does for the purpose of this skit you fool!"
Iron Man: "Fair enough."
Namor: "Besides, I'm much more talented and handsome than that silly human Tom Middleton anyway. That talent-less hack can suck on my Atlantean Balls!"
Iron Man: "Yeah, that's a pleasant mental image. Yeesh!"
Namor: "Besides, I was going to takeover the surface world next Tuesday anyway."
Iron Man: "Gotcha. But seriously though, do you even have any acting experience?"
Namor: Fool! Of course Prince Namor does."
-Namor flashes back to his prior movie "experience."
Director: "Alright we need to stay on budget and knock this last scene out. C'mon Subby baby. I know we've been here for hours but we're almost done. Let's get that money shot okay? Places everyone, and action!"
Grip Boy: "Slippery When Wet money shot scene, take 25! Action!"
Random porn guy: "Hello, I have a package for a Imma Queerbait. You---Sweet Larry Flynn! Dear Penthouse, it all started out innocently one day..."
Namor: "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and damn right it's better than yours; damn right it's better than yours..... Wahhhh, wahhh, huhh."
Director: "This is great! Keep going Subby-baby! Don't go soft on me now!
Close up on Namor man, close up!"
Random porn guy:"Ohh, your skins' so soft!"
-Namor cries due to shame for having to do porn to make it in Hollywood.
Iron Man: "So, have I seen any of our movie lately?"
Namor: "Nope, don't think so. Dear Poseidon I hope not. *Sob*"
Ha ha! Now when you read that faux-porn scene this is how I imagine it going down:
And the kicker? The background music to the whole thing is either the Culture Club's "Do you really want to hurt me?" or Boy George's solo hit, "The Crying Game."
I'm outta' here.........