So......stripper songs.
Hey, they're a stable of the foundation that makes a man a man.
God love dat ass.
So in tribute to those bosom bitches that shake their goodies for money and approval they didn't get from their fathers, here's my Top 5 stripper songs. Wait no. That's too easy. Nope. Rewind. We're doing the Top 5 Worst stripper songs. Fuck yeah:
5). Bonnie Raitt "I Can't Make You Love Me"
Well you can't either, thus why you're continually throwing money at a stripper who'll never fuck you.
4). Pirates of the Mississippi "Feed Jake"
Finally a song almost more depressing than Sarah McLaughlin's.
3). George Michael "Mother's Pride"
I dare you to stand at attention while listening to a song adopted by the 90-91 Persian Golf War.
2). John Lennon "Imagine"
It's a favorite of mine, but it doesn't exactly inspire an erection when thinking that, "Hey John's dead".
1). Gilbert O'Sullivan "Alone Again Naturally"
Try not to commit suicide while listening to this wrist-slitting hit even despite being bombarded by a face full of DD's.
Yep. They're all depressing, and all for different reasons, making them definitely songs you don't wanna' see hot chicks strip to.
Bonus:
Top 5 ZZ Top stripper songs: 5). She's Got Me Under Pressure 4). Jesus Just left Chicago 3). Cheap Sunglasses 2). She's Got Legs 1). La Grange
This week, I'm blessed with another day off, as frequent contributor(I think she's trying to hussle me out of this gig;) RandomNerd gives another Top 5 List topic for today.
Take it away Random.......
Hello fellow frequenters of the Morbid House! This time I'm going to tackle a list of music that is completely and utterly subjective. To me, at least. If you've been around a bit and seen some of my comments on this blog, Dan's, Shlomo's, or just talked to me you know how much regard I have for the golden-locked god of thunder. Simply put, I love Thor. Put it down to my Norwegian ancestry or just rampaging hormones, it was hard for me to tear away my gaze from the first thunderbolt. And no, it's not just Chris Hemsworth (although the fact that he appeared first as Kirk's daddy didn't hurt his appeal for me AT ALL). Thor struck a chord in me for many many years before his godhood was portrayed so wonderfully on the big screen. Even in the tiny panels of a comic book he seemed to fill the page and every picture could have been a pinup for me. Heck, I even have a giant sticker of Kirby's Thor on my wall behind my bed (Thank you Dan. If I hadn't already promised my firstborn elsewhere you'd have dibs for that). Anyway...back to the list. I'm going to give you my five songs that make me think of the Glorious Glowing Godhood that walks among us mere mortals.
Remember, all songs are akin to that test that do when they say a word and you respond. You can disagree, but you won't change my mind. These are:
THE SONGS THAT MAKE ME THINK OF THOR'S HAMMER:
1). Better than Neil (Commentary! The Musical)
This song choice is entirely based on one line in Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog. If you've seen it, you have no trouble getting the correlation. “The Hammer is my penis.” Yup. That's it. There's absolutely no other reason for this song to be here. Of course, I love it for other reasons. It's Nathan Fillion at his cheesy best, singing all about why he is better than Neil Patrick Harris. Which. Duh. I already knew.
“My hammer the people can tell that I'm awfully swell.” Oh yeah. I have no trouble picturing that.
Yes. It's freaking silly. Yes, I realize it was a song written on a spoof commentary for a web series that was itself a spoof. But I love it's “all in allness”. Which kind of describes Thor too, when you think about it.
2). Help I'm Alive (Metric-Fantasies)
Yes, my heart is still beating like a hammer. Hard to be soft. Tough to be tender. I know it's not about the god in question, but even aside from the hammer line (and who doesn't love a good innuendo like that?) the entire song feels like someone is hitting you over the head with a pounding force while shooting electricity through your veins. And for you guys, the chick is totally hot. Her name is Emily Haines. And damn if she didn't make me love synthetic pop again. Not in the least because this song was on my “Songs of Thor” playlist on my ipod for quite a while.
3). The Hammer Song (Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, The Good Son)
I'm not entirely sure old Nicky boy was talking about Mjolner plummeting to earth and smashing some sense into good old Thor, but even discounting that, these lyrics could definitely read as a opus to my favorite god in comics. Not only that, but it's a frakking good song, every tiny bit of Cave's angry version of melancholy pushed into each sound. Which feels a bit like being pummeled in and of itself. But still pleasant to listen to. And not nearly as uncomfortable as some of the songs off the Murder Ballads album.
4). Götterdämmerung (Richard Wagner)
Let's go a bit high brow for a minute. :) Nobody says Norse mythology in music like Wagner, and the last cycle in his epic The Ring ( Der Ring des Nibelungen for those who speak opera) is absolutely my favorite. Basically Gotterdammerung is the german word for Ragnarok. And I know when it was written that Marvel comic's version of the norse gods wasn't even a glimmer in anyone's eye, but I can't listen to it without seeing one of two things: 1.) The Thirteenth Warrior, which had my favorite actor choice for Thor before I got a load of Chris Hemsworth (Vladimir Kulich, he played Buliwyf , and I swear that's who the artist was imagining when the Ultimates came out) and 2.) The epic battle Thor fought way back in Kirby's day to regain his honor. If you've never listened to it, and I'm sure most haven't, because it's frakking long as hell, you're missing out on one of the greatest pieces of music ever produced by a living soul. I don't care who you are, you will get goosebumps, you will feel that hammer strike you, and you won't care that you're listening to gasp opera.
5). Immigrant Song ( Led Zeppelin, Led Zeppelin III)
Hammer of the gods indeed. :) Valhalla, I'm already here. Those of you who know me know exactly what Zeppelin does to me. And this song almost always makes my top five zeppelin list (although it rotates, ask Dale). The only thing better than Plant singing about Tolkein or a Stairway to Heaven is Plant singing about my favorite god and his hammer. It pounds into me, through me, and comes around for a second pass. And all in the space of 2:25. Remarkably short for a Zeppelin song. Although, really, what else do you need? Me? Nothing. I just hit repeat.
So those are the songs that most remind me of my god with the glowing locks. And his mighty hammer, mjolner. Although really, who needs to think of the hammer in hand, when you can think of...well. I'll let you fill in that blank. Uff Dah!
Thanks Random.
I'll happily add to the list Elton John's "Valhalla"(Even though she says she doesn't think of Thor when she hears it), MC Hammer's "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" ,"You Can't Touch This(Where he says the immortal words, STOP! Hammer Time!), and of course his theme song to his 90's cartoon show, Hammerman. Yes I did watch that, and the NKOTB cartoon back then as well. What? Don't judge me;)
For the Led Zeppelin selection, I'd also add "No Quarter". Come on, tell me you don't think of Thor in the midst of his legendary battles when this song comes on?
Can't believe it's already Wednesday. No really, I can't! The week just seems to fly by when you're not dealing with family drama or a girlfriend. Huh.
So last night on my local PBS network, they were showing their documentary series American Masters. This time around their subject was often imitated, and well never be duplicated, Jimi Hendrix.
Now of course knowing my shit like I do when it comes to classic rock history, there wasn't too much I didn't already know, or want to know. But, some details did come to my attention that I wasn't aware of before:
-Jimi Hendrix used to be a guitarist for the famous Isley Brothers. Yes, the mother-fucking Isley Brothers! Let that sink in for a bit if you didn't already know that.
One of the Isley Brothers himself, bassist Ernie Isley said back in the early days when Jimi played for them, that Jimi helped bring more attention to them since all the guys and ladies loved to hear him play. It's a big reason why they held on to him as long as they did. Very interesting to say the least.
-It was Chas Chandler, former bassist for The Animals, who ultimately took care of Jimi and got him his first record deal. Poor Jimi got no love here in the states(which I already knew)thus went to the fashion capital/"it" city to be in, London, England in '66. Chas wanted to be his producer, and with two others, formed a record company, Trace Records, exclusively for Jimi so that he'd have a record deal. Now how many artists even back then, can claim to have had a record company built on a single deal in a club, in one night?
-Jimi was also one of, if not the first artist, to have his very own private recording studio when he built Electric Ladyland Studios. As was pointed out by famed recording engineer Eddie Kramer, sure other artists that could afford to, had home studios and all, but no one at the time had their own studio as massive, and and as well-built and equipped as Jimi Hendrix at that time. Very interesting to know.
With that in mind, I figured I'd spotlight the Top 5 songs of Hendrix that weren't the super big hits he's instantly known for. So songs like "Voodoo Chile" , "Foxy Lady", and "Hey Joe" won't make this list.
But here's the one that do........
drivin south
crying blue rain
valleys of neptune
dolly dagger
angel
If 6 was a 9
5). "Drivin' South"
Want a good song to listen to while you're commuting from work or just driving around on a trip?
Then play this awesome instrumental by Jimi. It maybe titled "Drivin' South", but really you can drive anywhere you want and still appreciate the chord structure and kick-ass, rocking tune.
The only other artist I'd have loved to hear cover this is Stevie Ray Vaughn.
4). "Valleys of Neptune"/"Crying Blue Rain"
Valleys of Neptune
Both songs are included on the last posthumous Jimi Hendrix album put out around 2010, Valleys of Neptune.
Valleys of Neptune is another psychedelic classic of Jimi's, that expertly blends exotic imagery with his trippy lyrics. Add them together with his musical stylings, and you have one of a trippy song that'll never go out of style. Plus, and this could just be me, the beginning of the song sounds a lot like the song by the band Cream, "We're going wrong". Take and listen to both and you tell me.
Crying Blue Rain sounds like what you'd get if his other songs "If 6 was a 9" and "Voodoo Chile" had a baby. It's just that fucking awesome and well worth a listen. 3). "Dolly Dagger"
Listening to this, you can't help but think this influenced the songs that would later become stables of the 70's Blaxploitation era like "Shaft" and "Superfly".
Dolly Dagger, much like Jimi himself, were way ahead of their time. Plus this one kicks all kinds of ass.
2)."Angel"
Saying this song had to be autobiographical would be like saying I think the Pope's Catholic. It's a "DUH!" statement, but it doesn't make it any less true in this case. Many interviewees on the documentary, mostly female friends of Jimi's, said he had to be looked after and taken care of, especially when he finally reached stardom. I'd like to think he's talking about one of them, or all of them, in this song.
It's just a beautiful, haunting song, that expresses some inner pain we've all felt when needing someone to rescue us.
1). "If 6 was a 9"
Okay this song choice might be stretching the boundaries, but I'm including it anyways. It's a very powerful, anti-establishment song, without getting to preachy or up in your face. It's just Jimi's opinion on the stifling confines of society back then, that I'd dare say are still relevant to today's time. Plus it's just a fucking kick ass song.
Ever hear the Bootsy Collins' version? That one might even be more psychedelic than Jimi's, but not as good. This my friends, is what a true classic rock from that era sounds like.
That's my list. If you have any other songs to add or your own list, feel more than free to include them in the comments section.
Now I showcased my picks for top Halloween movies, but now it's the time to countdown to the top 5
Halloween or Halloween-inspired songs of all time(for me anyways)
Plus, it's not like I got anything else to talk about today;)
5). "Deadman's Party -Oingo Boingo
This 70's-80's band is probably remembered for two things: They're major hit "Weird Science" used for both the movie and tv series of the same name, and introducing us to the genius that is Danny Elfman. I recommend giving this song a try though. It's catchy, seasonal around Halloween, and just so happened to be featured on one of my favorite Rodney Dangerfield movies, Back to School.
4). "Ghostbusters" - Ray Parker Jr.
I shouldn't even have to explain why this song belongs on the list. I've loved this big, big hit for Ray ever since I first heard it. In additon to be the official theme song of the hit movie of the same name, it also had a crazy, very star-studded music video. Look closely, and if you know your 80's movie stars, they're in it, as well as all 4 original Ghostbusters.
Busting makes me feel good!
FYI, I found out while doing some quick research, that Huey Lewis sued Parker Jr for copyright infringement, claiming that Ghostbusters sounded too much like his song "I want a new drug" also released that year. I guess suing made him feel good;)
3). "Monster Mash" - Bobby"Boris" Pickett
Who hasn't heard this song right? It's been a Halloween stable and radio tradition since 1962, and just like the undead, never stops or goes away. Plus how cool is it that Pickett does his best Boris Karloff impression on this track? You damn right it's cool!
Oh quick funny story(well it is to me anyways)
My ex had this friend she knew while getting into photography named Peter. He told her this crazy story abut having a friend over that was a little nuts, but not too bad that he didn't hang out with her. Anyhoo, she comes over one night drunk as shit, and proceeds to getting even more wasted. Well at one point in the evening, he loses sight of her, and finds her jumping up and dancing around his bed, heavily bleeding out of her ass on top of his very expensive sheets. And the song she was gleefully shitting blood too; You guessed it, the Monster Mash. Now whenever this songs plays, I think about a crazy drunk chick shitting blood on someone's expensive sheets to Monster Mash.
You're welcome for the permanent mental scarring now;)
2). "Somebody's Watching Me" - Rockwell
Remember this one hit-wonder? The son of legendary Motown owner/producer Barry Gordy, Rockwell, or as his real name William Kenneth Gordy, struck a chord with radio listeners everywhere with this one. And hey, having Michael Jackson provide backing vocals didn't seem to hurt either. Crazy video though right?
1). "Thriller" - Michael Jackson
It's really hard to top the King of Pop on this one. Every since it came out in 1982 , it's been always associated with this time of year. With an insanely good and well-crafted music video by famed director Jonathan Landis, Thriller really helped cement Jackson's place as a solo artist. That, and who having legendary horror actor Vincent F'N Price add a creepy monologue as only he can, doesn't hurt a damn bit at all.
Well there you have it. My picks for top Halloween songs, and yes I didn't include "Time Warp". Get over it, it's already understood to be a top Halloween stable.
As always, feel free to tell me who your top picks for Halloween songs are.
Have a Happy and safe Halloween, and an awesome weekend:)
Well, obviously there was no post yesterday. Couldn't be helped, jury duty and all. Thankfully even though I was picked twice in one one week, with two cases in one day, I still came out on top. How you ask?, They fucking settled. People are fucking idiots(except you guys) and I stand by that statement.
Anyhoo, I'm better now, thanks for asking:)
Ok so today's top 5 is all about Mr. Gilbert O'Sullivan.
Who's he you might ask?
He's the guy famous(or infamous) for one of(if not the) depressing hit song ever, "Alone Again(Naturally)"
Yeah, that guy.
But he also has other hits, contrary to popular belief, and here's the top 5 list of the ones I dig very much:
5). "Happiness Is You And Me"
Well it can be;)
Popish? You damn straight, but it's still a decent song, and considering the time period this came out in, on par with his peers/contemporaries.
4). "Get Down"
This one's disco three years before disco even got started. Not a bad one per say, but I won't lie to ya. Only one really white people dance to this one. What, it's the truth! Watch the video and you tell me.
Now Queen's "Get Down, Make Love" on the other hand......
3). "Alone Again(Naturally)"
Of course I gotta include the one he's must famous for. It's a true classic despite making you want to eat a bullet by the end of it. Definitely not something to play for someone on hold on a Suicide Hotline is all I'm saying:) 2). "Claire"
At first I thought this was a song about a guy dating a much younger chick, until I really started paying attention to the lyrics. That and the little girl's laugh at the end, told me something was up. The whole thing sounded super creepy/pedophilish until I learned he wrote the song about his daughter. Whew! What a relief. It really is a sweet, sweet song though, so go Claire!
1). "What's In A Kiss"
So far this is my favorite of the bunch. It's an interesting and timeless question, plus the man just has a way with words. And who of us doesn't respect that?
Here's a sample of some of the lyrics:
"What's in a kiss
Have you ever wondered just what it is More perhaps than just a moment of bliss Tell me what's in a kiss. What's in a dream Is it all the things you'd like to have been All the places that you haven't yet seen Tell me what's in a dream."
Sweet right?
Is it poppy as hell? Damn straight, 'tis his speciality after all, writing pop songs.
The old bird's even still touring in the UK, and any place that'll let perform I guess.
God bless 'em I say.
And that's me for this week, have a good/great one weekend guys!
Yay, it's Thursday!
Which means Friday's tomorrow, Yay!
Ha ha, ok. For today's post I figured I'd do a musical one, and touch on a genre I don't usually talk a lot about: Rap.
It's not that I don't care for rap; I do, just the classic old school to 90's rap. So I said, eh, what the hell and decided to write one about the Biggie Smalls, a.k.a. The Notorious B.I.G.
That and I'm currently stuck on newcomer singer Lorde and her song "Royals". At first I though she was pretentious after watching the music video a bit, but then the song became stuck in my head because it's so damn catchy.
Here's what I'm talking about:
Yep, you've just been Lorde-rolled:)
Actually this another song, a mash-up of her song "Love Club" and Biggie's song "Can I get witcha" called "Can I get witcha love club" has also been playing on my playlist non-stop. So yeah, Biggie's been on my mind lately.
Biggie was only in the rap came for a few years before his untimely death in March of '97, but he still left behind him a rich legacy of music that still endures and influences new and up and coming rappers today.
So, here's a Top 5 list of my all-time favorite Biggie Smalls rap songs.....
5). "Can I get witcha/Hypnotize"
Can I get witcha is a current favorite since I've been playing a mash-uped version of it, but it's also very funny, and straight up vintage Biggie.
Hypnotize is a favorite for the back beat more than anything. If you haven't already heard it, you have now:
4). "Dreams of fucking an R&B Bitch"
To me this truly a funny and twisted-ass song. It's basically Biggie rapping about all the R&B singers he'd like to bang, and there's a lot of them. Even poor young Raven Simone from the Cosby Show gets thrown in the fantasy mix. Here's a sample:
"As I sit back relax Steam a blunt, sip a Becks Think about the sexy singers that I wanna sex
I'd probably go to jail For fuckin' Patti Labelle Ooh Regina Belle, she'd probably do me swell Jasmine Guy was fly Mariah Carey's kinda scary Wait a minute, what about my honey Mary?"
Ha ha, love it! 3). "Gimme the loot"
This is pretty much all about jacking some poor guy or girl of their jewelry or money or whatever they have on them. It's a pretty funny hypothetical situation that reads like Biggie's done this sort of thing before. Maybe more than a few time? ;)
2). "Big Poppa"
I was in 6th grade when I first heard this one. Yes lord, all of us white kids rapped the hell of out this at the time, and I was no different. It has an awesome back beat that is sampled from the song "Between the sheets" by the Isley Brothers, and of course Biggie's lyrics just kill it.
Here's a quick sample: "(I love it when you call me Big Pop-pa) Throw your hands in the air, if youse a true player (I love it when you call me Big Pop-pa) To the honies gettin money playin niggaz like dummies (I love it when you call me Big Pop-pa) If you got a gun up in your waist please don't shoot up the place Cause I see some ladies tonight who should be havin my baby"
Damn. If only I could lines like that and get away with it:) 1). "Ten Crack Commandments"
He says it from the very beginning that this is a manual on how to be a drug dealer, and he's not lying. Not that I've taken his advice, but if I did, and had some good connections and a healthy disrespect for the law, I could maybe see my career as a drug dealer lasting a bit....or all of a week;)
I love the fact that he samples a countdown by Chuck D of Public Enemy, because I really love that group, so anyone that samples or shows that kind of influence is cool by me. Plus it's just a good, funny song that's really real.
Hope you enjoyed the brief tour of my 5 favorites hits of Biggie's. Let me know what you think, and what you're top 5 are if you're a fan of his.
Have a good weekend people. I'm out this bitch 'til Monday......
So I got to talking briefly to Randomnerd about Fleetwood Mac yesterday, and how there was a Fleetwood Mac band before Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks ever entered the picture.
What's that you say? "There was a Fleetwood Mac before Buckingham, Nicks, and Christine McVie?"
Yep.
If you ever watched the VH1 Behind The Music special on the band, you'll notice they very briefly gloss over the original members of the band.
The original members were Mick Fleetwood, John McVie, Peter Green, Jerry Spencer and Bob Brunning.
Now Brunning was a temp because Green and Fleetwood really wanted McVie in the band. So much so that Green named the band after both Mick and John as a way to help entice John to join the band. He did soon enough after rethinking his decision to stay with a very popular English blues band at the time, John Mayall and the Bluesbreakers.
Anybody who knows their rock history, knows that John Mayall's band included both Green, John McVie and Mick Fleetwood first. Oh and at one time, another famous rocker you might have heard of was also a member of the Bluesbreakers.....Eric Clapton.
Yep. Eric f'n Clapton!
Trust me, the more you dig, the more incestuous all those bands were at the time, trading members back and forth like a hippy love-in fest.
So, McVie joins, and the bands' first self-titled album comes out in February of 1968.
True it wasn't super well-received, but it did spawn a future cover hit for one Carlos Santana, in "Black Magic Woman".
Trust me when I say you haven't heard Black Magic Woman until you've heard Peter Green's original version of that song. I suggest you go find it immediately. Go to mp3skull.com and you'll find it.
MY GOD will it knock your fucking socks off! Santana had to have been heavily inspired or straight out ripped off Green, because, just wow.
Then the band had their second album, Mr. Wonderful in August of 1968. Again, a good album, just not very popular, even though the songs and musicianship are off the fucking charts.
It's not until around their third album when they scout and pick up a fresh-faced kid named Danny Kirwan.
Kirwan was a self-taught virtuoso prodigy. He knew his shit, and he rocked hard. His guitar licks should be legendary all on their own for what he contributed to the band.
This eventually led to my favorite album of theirs, "Then Play On", released in September of 1969.
And that's the album I be picking my top 5 songs from today:
5). "Like Crying"
Okay, so the song starts off with a slightly misogynistic overtone, with the lyrics
"She's got so much blues
Her best friend can't help her Her best friends a woman How can a woman help her Woman's got the blues"
But really other than that, it's a really good bluesy Danny Kirwan original. 4). "My Dream"
Sure it's an instrumental, but what heartbreaking one it is. You can just hear the pain and sadness from Kirwan just pour out onto the chords as he plays them. Oh god, just....wow.
It's actually sadder than "Although the the sun is shining" I feel. 3). "Coming your way"
"I've got things to do / I move everyday / I hope you don't mind / 'Cause I'm goin' your way"
Man, I've got to try those lyrics out on someone some time!
It all sounds like a simple, "Hey what's up song" by Danny Kirwan, until the middle, where he and Green's blistering dueling guitars turn the song into an epic. Okay short epic, but fuck! Listen to those guitars!
2). "Before the Beginning"
Speaking of lyrics one can relate to, how's these:
"So many nights I lay awake Can't sleep I lay here thinkin' 'bout a woman I used to love Can't sleep but no good to count sheep I'll just count the worries That I've got plenty of"
Oh shit! It's like he knows me;)
Trust me, the whole song, from top to bottom, plus those fucking awesome duel guitars by Green and Kirwan are with the price of admission alone!
Fuck! It's like being in blues rock church, and the sermon is something we can ALL get behind.
And the church says........Amen!
1). "Although the Sun is Shining"
As I've previously mentioned in my post about the Top 5 Depressing songs, this one's all about longing for that special someone, and the hopes that finding and being with that special someone will somehow make your life better. Or better than it is/was.
Love it? Brother, I'm living it and those words right now.
Sadly Peter Green didn't last long in the band he helped start. Much like Syd Barrett before him, took too much LSD, which helped bring on mental problems in the form of Schizophrenia. This would ultimately cause Green to exit the band around late '70/71.
Although that era's version of the band tried to carry on, between affairs, numerous line-up changes, the elusiveness of mainstream stardom, it just collapsed in and on itself. Eventually only Mick Fleetwood, John McVie and his wife Christine McVie would be left, and the rest after that is history.