Ahh, a new skit, a new month. Sounds about right. In two short weeks, unless something fucked up happens on Blogger's end, I'll be celebrating my 500th post. Wow. 500. Hopefully better, if not as good as 400 and all the others. Fingers and dicks crossed people.
Okay today's skit is probably a little weird. Or maybe it's me, idk. You be the judge and tell me what you think. And away we go.........
The End
I don't personally hate the 70's, but as you can plainly see, not everyone was enjoyed that decade as PG herself an attest to;)
It's that time again kids! Time to go find and dust off the file on another poorly-created character that'll make you wonder just "What The Fuck Were They Thinking?"
Today's Mort Of The Month, pic for contention, is the one and only(hopefully) Ten-Eyed Man!
Take a bow you crazy bastard.
Created by Frank Robbins, Irv Novic and Dick Giordino and first appearing in Batman#226(1970), This unlucky recipiant of one of the worst super-powers ever, was a former Vietnam Vet named Philip Reardon. Apparently he wound up on the wrong end of a grenade, and it injured his eyes enough to warrent him an honorable discharge. I don't know of it was a case of friendly fire or not, but it seems like the universe wasn't done trolling poor Mr. Reardon. Nope.
Awhile later, he got a job as a nightwatchman/security guard for a warehouse. Well one night while doing the rounds, some burglers decide to show up and rob the place. Reardon spots 'em, but gets taken down pretty easily for a guy who used to be in the Special Forces, and gets his ass tied up, while the robbers plant a bomb.
Batman shows up right before the bomb goes off, and Reardon see him after waking up. Well his vision's blurry as fuck(kinda' like that double-vision you get after a heavy night of drinking) and he thinks Batman's one of the robbers. So Reardon jumps him and they tumble around like a bunch of bi-curious college chicks until the bomb goes off, blowing up the warehouse. Reardon once again catches most of the blast right in the fucking face, further damaging his already fucked up eyes and vision.
Can this poor guy finally get disablility yet? No?
Nope, instead of qualifying and recieving disablility, a Doctor Engstrom attempts to hook our poor boy up by connecting his retinal nerves to all 10 of his fingers. Now he can effectively see out of his hands, and thus began the legend of the loser called the Ten-Eyed Man.
Not only can see out off each and every finger tip, but he now has 360 degree vision and limited perisopic vision. Huh, okay.
Naturally this guy blamed Batman for what happend to him, and every so often would go after Batman in an attempt to get revenge. What was he going to ultimately do to Batman? Make him blind so they'd have to rely on Doctor Engtsrom to allow him to see again, but out of both his hands? Sounds cray if you ask me.
So that would be the way the Ten-Eyed Man's life would go. Bust out of prison, go find Batman, get ass handed to him by Batman, go back to jail. Rense and repeat. It'd go on like until Crisis On Infinite Earths, when he'd accidently die. Now I have the actual CRISIS trade, and I don't see in #12 where dies, as is when his death is supposed to occur. Damn, dude got killed off-panel. Fuck it just doesn't end for this poor bastard.
He never returned after the CRISIS reboot, and thus went unused or mentioned until around 2006. Sort of.
Seems only a crazy genius like Grant Morrison could love this guy enough to use him, or rather create a whole tribe of people calling themselves the Ten-Eyed Men of the Empty Quarter. Here's Reardon's wiki info on that: In issue 30 of DC's year-long 52 limited series, an entirely new take on the Ten-Eyed Man was introduced. The Ten-Eyed Men of the Empty Quarter are a nomadic tribe that inhabit the "Empty Quarter" of an unspecified Middle Eastern desert (though "the Empty Quarter" is the name of a region in Saudi Arabia) and are dedicated to hunting demons. They wear blindfolds and loose-fitting robes with turbans, and have eyes similar to the original Ten-Eyed Man's tattooed on their fingertips. During the issue, Bruce Wayne wanders the desert in search of them, defeats one of their number in hand-to-hand combat, and asks for them to exorcise his personal demons. When Robin catches up to him, Bruce tells him that they have "cut out all the dark, fearful, paranoid urges that I've allowed to corrupt my life" and that "Batman is gone." Whether there is any connection between this tribe and the villainous Ten-Eyed Man is unknown, but it is unlikely since the original villain was removed from continuity. An exiled member of this tribe, lacking a finger, is introduced as a terrorist in Batman #675. He kidnaps Jezebel Jet, and is defeated by Bruce Wayne, who was so unstable at that point that he didn't even change to his Batman uniform. Grant Morrison referred to this character as the Nine-Eyed Man.[1]
Yep, this indeed happened.
So there you have it. That's the profile on the unfortunate bastard named the Ten-Eyed Man.
Interestingly enough, there's so actual fan love for this guy. While searching for images of the guy, I've run across a very cool custom figure of Reardon by a customizer named Rabid Ewok:
Damn! I'll admit it, I'd get this guy if he were available like this....you know, if only to make fun of him unmercifully.
Oh and here's some fan art by a guy named Bloodysamoan on deviantart.com:
Did I also mention he appeared in an episode of Batman: The Brave and The Bold?
I'll be damned. Sum' bitch has got some fans after all;)
I gotta' say, the guy might've worked, had there been enough writers to write him properly. Of course nowadays, only someone who can appreciate weird-ass Silver Age characters, like a Geoff Johns or Grant Morrison, can truly get any decent milage out of him. And that 360 degree vision? How the hell does that not automatically make him a sniper/marksmen on the level of Deadshot or Deathstroke. It should right? Nope, it didn't and thus we all left to ask, What The Fuck Were They Thinking?
And that my friends, concludes another edition of What The Fuck Were They Thinking?
Today I figured I'd just write about whatever it was that came to mind, and right this minute, I'm thinking about the classic album by David Bowie, Hunky Dory.
If you didn't already know, Hunky Dory is one of those albums where you can see big things are in store for the artist or artists. Like this the album right before things blew up big time for them.
Hunky Dory's just that kind of album for David Bowie I think. It was right before his famous Ziggy Stardust phase and album, and we all know what a huge fucking album that turned out to be.
So without further ado, here's my Top 5 songs from Hunky Dory:
5). "Queen Bitch"/"Kooks"
Ah Queen Bitch. It's Bowie's way of writing a Velvet Underground-ish song, and this one sure sounds a bit like one. It's poppy, catchy, and has nice beat you can drive or bike to.
Kooks comes in as a tie because it's also a very nice song. This was Bowie's song dedicated to his son, as a kind of apology for having a rock star dad who was, well, a bit of a kook.
It's just a fun, light-hearted song, that I'm sure those of you who're parents will be able to relate to(Random, Goo I'm looking at you guys;)
4). "Quicksand"
Bowie and I must have a mutual love of history in common, because this song's nothing but a roll call of some pretty controversial historical figures. Bowie name drops people like Aliester Crowley, Heimlich Goebbels, Winston Churchill, and Nietzsche just to name a few.
It's such a beautifully odd song that further hints at Ziggy coming ever so soon, as the song's mostly about Nietzsche's idea of the Ubermench, or Superman.
Even the main chorus lyrics are bizarre but beautiful:
" Don't believe in yourself;
Don't deceive with belief.
Knowledge comes with death's release,
ah ah ah ah."
This is definitely a slight variation on Eastern/Hindu(Indian) teachings,
but with a Aliester Crowley/Golden Dawn twist.
A Really beautifully produced song people. 3). "Changes"
I really struggled with the positioning of #'s 4 and 3, but I love em all regardless.
How could one not love a song like Changes? It's all about the rebelliousness of youth, and that awkward growing stage in live where you're trying figure shit out. Beautiful, beautiful classic song, that's become, like the man himself, timeless.
"Time may change me, but you can't change time."
So, so right. 2)."Is there life on Mars?"
Oh but I do so love this one! Like any good story-teller worth his salt, if you read and listen to the lyrics, you'll see that Bowie's telling a poignant story. Sure, you may not always know what the fuck he's talking about, but it's still fun to sit back and let him do his thing....which he does oh so well;)
Oh, and I told you this was the precursor to Ziggy Stardust; just look at title. 1). "Oh you pretty things"
"Oh you pretty things! Don't you know that you're driving your mommas and poppas insane?"
How can you not love a song that proclaims those very lines? In case you weren't aware, Pretty things follows right after "Is there life on Mars?", and damn does it flow and transition so seamlessly.
Again, Bowie's talking about the eternal struggle between youth and the establishment. He just happens to be one of those artists that does it better than anyone, that's all.
And that's me.
Feel more than free to tell what songs are your favorites from this album, or just any songs of Bowie's you like.
I admit it. I was bad yesterday.
I was supposed to be saving money for a trip, and while I did do that, I also found out I had some extra to spend. "Some" being the operative word.
In any case, I made a stroll to my local comic shop, and proceeded to spend more than the some I was supposed to. But hey, it's what happens right?;)
I bought:
-DCUC Black Manta(Hey Omega, retribution for our boy is a coming;)
-Marvel Select Hawkeye. He comes with arrows, a kick-ass damaged Ultron base, and an arrows, and one that has the Wasp on it. Kind of like how the ML Hawkeye had Ant-Man on his.
-The new Batman Unlimited Super-Powers colored Penguin(he's coming soon)
-DCUC hooded Deathstroke(for only 20 bucks. I dare you to beat that price online or on eBay Not gonna' happen.)
and
-from the Batman Legacy wave, Super-Powers colored Mr.Freeze(His gun shoots real water out just like in the old days!!!!!!;)
So not bad for $85 in total I guess......
And now onto something I bet you guys never thought you'd ever see......EVER!
Anyone remember this Elton John song?
Yep "Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters". It's definitely one of my favorites amongst a whole library of hits.
Well be prepared to see it song from the one person you'd never expect.....until now.
True story.
And yes, that just happened;)
Remember kids, only at Mr. Morbid's House of Fun will you ever see shit like this. Mostly;)
I figured for today's edition of the Top 5, I'd pick one of The Beatles, namely Ringo Starr.
Yep, good ol' Ringo gets the spotlight today, as I pick my top 5 favorite songs from his solo career. And yes he actually had a solo career you smart-asses;)
What really surprised me is, that Ringo is the one Beatle to have the most #1 hits. Yeah I know. I didn't believe it either, until I checked it out. My money was on Paul, but nope, ol' Richard Starkey(Ringo's real name) has that claim nailed down.
Now of course he didn't write all of his hit songs; that honor usually went to other writers, like his fellow ex-band-mates George and John just to name a few.
But that still shouldn't take away from the solo success he's enjoyed, and good on him for it.
So let's get to it shall we?
And trust me, for me, it's not as easy as you'd think when you really go through his back catalogue of songs.
5). No No Song/ Early 1970
Yes I picked a tie already, but I can because it's my blog;)
In all seriousness, it was hard to keep Early 1970 out of this list. Why you may ask? Simple really; I really dig the song because it was a fun bit of insight into the state of the former band-mates at the time. Remember that The Beatles had officially broken up by April of that year, and Paul wasn't really talking to Ringo, John, or George at the time. So that's why when Ringo mentions Paul 1st, he says "And when I get to town, I wonder if he'll play with me."
He was still talking to the other guys at the time, thus why he goes in more detail about being able to play with them(not like that you perverts;)
The No No Song is just a purely funny song about Ringo's newly won sobriety and and a quick list of all the drugs he either used to do, or had done at one time. The gimmick here is that he's being offered all those drugs again, and comes up with a bunch of funny excuses to get out of it.
Here's the lyrics to give you a better clue as to the hilarity of it all:
A lady that i know just came from Columbia, She smiled because i did not understand. Then she held out some marijuana, ha ha! She said it was the best in all the land.
And i said, "no, no, no, no, i don't smoke it no more, I'm tired of waking up on the floor. No, thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze, And then it makes it hard to find the door."
(ah-ah-aye-aye)
A woman that i know just came from Majorca, Spain, She smiled because i did not understand. (parazzi! Parazzi!) (ole!) Then she held out a ten pound bag of cocaine, She said it was the finest in the land.
And i said, "no, no, no, no, i don't sniff it no more, I'm tired of waking up on the floor. No, thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze, And then it makes it hard to find the door."
A man that i know just came from Nashville, Tennessee, oh, (oh no!) He smiled because i did not understand. Then he held out some moonshine whiskey, oh ho, He said it was the best in all the land. (and he wasn't joking!!!)
And i said, "no, no, no, no, i don't drink it no more, I'm tired of waking up on the floor. No, thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze, And then it makes it hard to find the door."
Well, i said, "no, no, no, no, i can't take it no more, I'm tired of waking up on the floor. No, thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze, And then it makes it hard to find the door."
Hey yeh!
"i'll just have another drink, barman, have you got a large brandy?"
4). Back off Boogaloo
Had to include this classic hit single on the list.
Just listen to how hard Ringo's hitting the fucking drums man! Love the military-style beat too.
It just goes to show you how damn good a drummer he is, and helps illustrate why Ringo was chosen by Rolling Stone Magazine as the 5th greatest rock drummer of all time.
3). Beaucoups of Blues
I really like this one, even though some of you, or most of you, may wonder what a song like this is doing in the Top 5 list. Simple really. I love it!
I don't like a lot of Country music, but there are a few I do like, and I think for a purposes this is Ringo's version of a country song.
It's slow tempo-ed, but easy on the ears. Not to mention pretty decent to listen to if you're feeling kinda' down.
Love it.
2). It Don't Come Easy
And it didn't come easy to put this song in the #2 spot either.
This is a damn good, classic hit from Ringo, and really, if you listen to it or really familiar with it, how could not love this one?
It's got such a great message about paying your dues in life to get where you want to go, and how the road/journey to get there isn't easy at all. But it's all presented in an uplifting, up-beat way.
God love Ringo for this one.
1). Photograph
The video I was finally able to use, doesn't really do this song justice. This one is tops because of how well it was written and crafted, and ultimately performed. Co-written by George Harrison, this one just has so many meanings attached to it.
It can be about missing an old flame, a family member, beloved pet, anything. And to me, that's what makes this song such a classic, and keeps it enduring after all these years.
Of course when George passed away in 2001, the song had a different meaning for Ringo whenever he performed it, like he did in the memorial concert for George in '02.
But damn what a sweet, if somewhat sad song. Really, who can't relate to this one?
Well that's my Top 5 Ringo Starr songs. There's more of his hits I like to listen to, and if you're interested, his latest(well not super-latest) greatest hits album, Ringo Starr: Photograph, the very best of, has all of these songs and more. So give it a try, or do what I do, and download these fuckers in mp3 form for free;)
For Today's weekly Top 5 list, I've decided to use a recently reviewed classic from David Bowie. An album that's been regarded as "Ziggy Stardust in America."
Aladdin Sane
This is another of those really hard to pick 5 type of albums, you know, since I don't want you guys thinking I'm throwing myself softballs here.
So 5 it is, and thus my top 5 picks:
5). "Watch That Man"
It's been featured on a few indie movie soundtracks, and is really nice song. No, really. It is;)
4). "Lady Grinning Soul"
Hey I really love this one, and David Bowie really sings the shit out of it. Seriously, the thin white duke had, and still has one hell of a set of pipes! Plus all the instrumental arrangements worked so well on this song, especially the blending of his acoustic guitar playing. And don't forget those beautifully nasty lyrics about a chick's musky odor, and how she'll but the loving down on you quick. Love it.!
3). "Time"
And here's the song that knock the previous one down to #4, Time.
Really I just attribute that to being kind of bias, since it's been a song I've been listening to quite a bit lately.
Especially since the lyrics, just as in the previous song, are fun and nasty. But who do you know that has compared Time to "A whore who fell wanking to the floor", or the Joker-esque sounding part of the song where goes(to the listener) "You! Are not a victim! You! Just screammmmmmmm from boredom!"
Plus he plays the hell out of that piano, in the typical vaudeville/saloon bar piano-style.
Yep, David Bowie A.k.a. Ziggy Stardust, lady and gentlemen:)
2). "The Prettiest Star"
This is another of those really awesomely sung songs, with Bowie being so hypnotic in painting such a picture with words. This is exactly the type of song that wouldn't sound out of place on Ziggy Stardust, and was once originally written as a single to and about Bowie's good friend at the time "Marc Bolan, A.k.a. T-Rex"
Nice huh?
1). "Jean Genie"
Yeah it's a classic, but this song shouldn't just be judged on that merit along; no, it;s also very catchy, not to mention a true, heavy bit of rock and roll there.
It rocks when it needs to, and grooves when it needs to, making this a top(and most recognized)song from the entire album.
Well that wasn't too bad. I guess Ziggy Stardust or Heroes could be next;)
Quick update on the gift front. Have to send my Jay Garrick figure back to Amazon. I didn't see it initially but after removing him from the packaging, I noticed the wings from his helmet were missing. And it was really super-noticeable too:(
So poor Jay's gonna' have to go back to the Glue Factory. Poor Bastard:(
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