So, Who Would Win?: Nick Fury VS. Cobra Commander

TGIF!!!!!

For this week's edition of So, Who Would Win?, I'm taking a page out of an old issue of Wizard magazine and setting up this fantasy fight between Nick Fury and Cobra Commander.

Y'up, good ol' classic Nick Fury and the leader of the ruthless, terrorist organization bent on world domination Cobra, Cobra Commander.

About more than 10 years ago, Wizard magazine and artist Derrick Robertson (New Warriors, Transmetropolitan, The Boys) themselves set up this particular scenario, with Nick storming Cobra headquarters, working and killing his way to meeting up with the main boss, Cobra Commander.

In my scenario, he does the same here too, working his way up to one-on-one confrontation with the head snake, Cobra Commander. Except he's got more obstacles to face, namely Destro and the Baroness. The preceding firefight, wounds Fury quite a bit, but not enough to put him down for the count. Storm Shadow let him pass earlier....for reasons unknown, other than being passive aggressive in seeing CC meet his intended fate.  Major Blood, with a mixed assortment of guardsmen and Cobra foot soldiers, make a last-ditch effort to protect CC at all costs. Finally after what seems like an eternity of trading gunfire, the remaining Cobra personal all close in on a very fatally wounded Fury.

Major Blood mocks Fury.

"An' so this is the legendary Nick Fury eh? I expected him to put up more a fight than this. Guess you never really should met your hero, 'cause they'll disappoint you every time, isn't that right Nicky ol' son?"

Than Cobra Commander starts in on Fury.
 "Pathetic Fury, truly pathetic. You didn't really think you'd just walk in here and take me out did you? Surely your experience with fighting those miserable pretenders, Hydra, would've taught you that. Any last words before I do what so many have longed to do for ages, and dispose of you?"

Fury just starts to laugh.
"Nope, but you  and your goons just uttered your last!"

And with that the whole building complex blows the fuck up, taking everyone and everything with it.
After a couple of minutes, a long figure drops down from a huge, and very familiar large floating facility. It's the SHIELD helicarrier, and the long figure is Nick Fury.

You see kids, in my scenario, Fury played them all, blowing up one of many Nick Fury LMD's. And that's just what happened to Cobra Commander and his "goons."

Fury here's something. Digs and sifts through some burnt rubble, revealing a barely breathing Cobra Commander.

CC: "H-h-h-how?"

Fury: "LMD's, Life-Model Decoys. Never leave home without 'em."

End scene.


So,

Nick Fury











VS.

Cobra Commander










Who Wins and Why?

I know, I know, it's criminally obvious who would win, so tell me how you think Nick does it.
I look forward to seeing what scenarios you guys dream up.

So, Who Would Win?: Nick Fury VS. Jonah Hex

Thought of this little match-up on the fly Tuesday, and it just sounds like one hell of a fight either way you look at it.

Nick Fury has no super-powers other than being a total badass. He's the ultimate spy; the guy even 007 would look up to.

He has decades upon decades of combat experience thanks to the Infinity formula keeping him alive for so long(or it did until Original Sin apparently) and is probably rivaled only by other fellow super-spies like the Black Widow in the use of firearms.
Always cunning, and always deadly, Fury's the very definition of hard to kill.

Then you have Jonah Hex.


Like Fury, he's 100% pure badass. He'd kill you just as soon as look at you, and was the prime bounty hunter of his day.
He also doesn't have any super-powers, but doesn't really need 'em, you know, 'cause he's such a badass that way.

I will say this, no matter the circumstances that forces these two to fight, it won't be pretty. It won't be nice, and it damn sure will be bloody.

Both men don't know the meaning of the word "quit", so you can imagine just how rough and violent a battle between these two grisled veterans of war will be.
It'd be like having two scorpions locked in a cage together. Yeah, it'd be that intense.

Yep, that's right. In addition to being very capable fighters, they're also both veterans of wars; Nick Fury served in WW2, and Hex in the Civil War.
So that means these men have both seen horrible things, and other men doing horrible things to each other. I imagine there's very little that would shock and surprise them.

As for how these two men might be forced to fight....IDK.
Time-Travel I guess. Either because of Kang, Immortus, or Chronos, this would be a fight for the ages.

So.....

Nick Fury

VS.


Jonah Hex

Who Would Win and Why?
As always, let me know who you think'll win in the comments' section.

The Fast and the Furyous

Got a late start today folks, thanks to the shitty weather. It fucks with my Wi-Fi connection bad, thus adding another reason why I hate summer. I know I have to break down and buy a wireless antenna, but I'm cheap and lazy, and don't feel I need a bunch of equipment just to have fucking internet. Bullshit people, bullshit.

Anyhoo.

Here's a skit I have had in the can for 4 months, but never used it. Maybe you guys will like, maybe not. Picture quality's not the best, but the dialogue, yeah I'm actually proud of that.

So without further ado.......

Nick Fury: "Yahoo! I'm a fucker, I'm a fighter, I'm a wild-bull rider! Yahoo!

Captain America: "Dammit Nick, I told you it's time for your daily meds! Now come back down here mister or there will be some serious consequences."

Nick Fury: "Eat it Rogers, ya' lousy pinko!"

Nick Fury: "I'm coming for you David Hasselhoff! I'm gonna' make your commie ass sorry you and Hydra ever tried to sissify my name with that shitty FOX made for TV movie ya' candy-assed goldbrick!

I'm gonna' make you my bitch just like I did with ol' Adolph."

Captain America: "Sigh. Why me? God why do you hate me so much? Haven't I always done the right thing for America and the whole entire world all my life? I think I deserve better than this."

Nick Fury: "Stop yer' crying ya' pinko goldbrick, 'cause it's time to kill us some Nazis. Yahoo, ya' Nazi-lovin' bastards! Get some, get some!"

Well Fury's got a point there; after all that Nick Fury movie from FOX really was god-awful. I mean the chick playing Madame Hydra, Sandra Hiss was hot as hell, but the whole movie looked low-rent, and it showed. Thus probably why it took a bad-ass like Sam L. Jackson to make Fury cool again....you know, even if this Nick Fury's black. But I digress.

In honor of Fury's.....enthusiasm, here's a track from probably one of his favorite movies, Full Metal Jacket, called "Hello Vietnam."

Take it away Johnny Wright!

"The Doctor will see you now"....

Another day, another dollar. Well not for me, but for someone somewhere probably.
I finished writing some new skit material, now I just have to wait for the weather to improve so I can start taking pictures and then post. Damn you weather!

Here's one I did finish, and it's a little thing I call "The Doctor will see you know"....

Dr. Strange: "Tony, have you seen my cape? I-, oh for the love of Hogarth! Tony give me back my cape!"

Iron Man: "Come on Strange, I look totally fucking pimp in this thing.

Dr. Strange: "Tony, you have no idea what kind of magical forces you're messing with. You could unleash an untold amount of destruction and devastation just by wearing that thing."

Iron Man: "Oh come on, you're just mad because I look better in this thing than you do. Besides, according to an old issue of What If?, I was Sorcerer Supreme instead of you once. See:

"See? I make this shit look good!"

Dr. Strange: "Sigh. That was another world Tony. It hardly counts at all"

Iron Man: "Yeah so? Plus, I can make up cool spells too. Check it out: 

"By the loose whores of the Sunset Strip, I banish you straight to the hell of an AA meeting!"

 or 

"By the drunken antics of Lindsey Lohan, I sentence you to 100 hours of community service!"

Dr. Strange: "Sign."

Iron Man: "Besides, I can't give it back to you because there's a waiting list to use your cloak."

Dr. Strange: "There's a what!? Dammit Tony!"

Nick Fury: "Damn straight there's a line Captain Hocus Pocus, and I'm next after the Booze hound over there."

 Dr. Strange: "Well how in the hell do I get home now?"

Nick Fury: "Click your heels together 3 times and say there's no place like home. No? Fine just use my jetpack."

Dr. Strange: "I really need to find better friends than this. I hope Wong's making tea, because I have a massive fucking headache!"

Nick Fury: "The name's Fury, Dr. Fury sweet tits. I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, except bubble gum's for pussies and I'd rather chew on a cuban, so there."

-Look familiar? It should:

Thanks Goo!

Daredevil: "Sweet, I think I can see again! Oh the colors, the beautiful, beautiful colors!

That better be the cloak and not a brain tumor doing this."

Luke Cage: "Yeah boyyyyyy! By the sweet, funky shades of the Harlem Globtrotters, I am Dr. Love!"

Luke Cage: "That's right, that's right. Because I'm a smooth pimp, who lovesssssss the pussy! And this here's my blind manservant, Whitey!"

Daredevil: What!? I'm Daredevil Luke."

Luke Cage: "Uh yeah, this is my manservant Daredevil. He can't see too good, but damn can this man find the pussy. Now can you dig that suckaaaaaaa?"

Daredevil: "I can dig it."