How the hell are you fellow Freaks and Geeks? I kid you're not....I think.
Sorry for the delay. Had computer troubles again, but so far so good today.
Anyhoo, here's a quick ditty from a backlog of skit pics I've been coasting off of. Enjoy.
Robotman: "I'm rough and stuff with my afro puffs!"
Negative Man: "Rock on with you bad self!"
Negative Man: "Wait. Where the hell did that come from?"
Robotman: "How the hell should I know Lar? And what the blue blazes is an afro puff? Sounds like a crazy blacksploitation cereal from the 70's to me."
Negative Man: "Yo, I feel you Cliff. Word to ya' mother! West Sideeee!"
Robotman: "Don't ever do that again Larry, or I swear to god I'll feed you to those pelicans you hate so much."
Here it is folks,
the moment you've all been waiting for(or not), it is now time for the other shoe to drop......
-Previously, Five strangers were randomly chosen by an unknown entity and transported to various locations foreign to the person involved. Not only did they find themselves in different locations from the ones they began their days in, but they were also surprised and astonished to find they were each in different bodies as well. Who could possibly have the power to alter such lives? Why? And what could possibly be next for our heroic five?
-The scene is set, and you awaken to realize you're not where you think you were, nor do you look like who you think you are. You're Dan, and you're day has just gotten very weird indeed......
Act Four: Dingo ate my boomerang!
Dan: (looks at himself)"Oy! What's this? Where am I? Oy! Come on. Seriously mate? Just 'cause I'm an Aussie doesn't mean I have to be bleedin' Cap'n Boomerang! Bloody racist! Just for this, I'm sending an army of angry kiwis after you ya' bloody arvo!"
-Yes Dan, I know Arvo means eveing. I just like the way it sounds. Sue me.
"Well, no sense in taking a lie down when I can go for a walkabout. Damn this bush is rough! reminds me of an old girlfriend of mine. And her mum. Ugh! Lucky for me, or whoever dropped me off here, I have a razor-boomerang on me. Christ! This is harder to get through than reading a skit by Mr. Morbid."
"Hold on, what's this? Who the bloody hell are you?"
Random Native: "Oy! I'm the person who bloody lives here. Who in the piss are you, you bloody bludger? Can't a girl use her dunny in privacy?"
Dan: "I don't care what you do you cow, I just want to know how I got here, wherever here is."
"As for who I am, I'm Cap-Dan, and I'm the one with this giant machete, which I somehow mysteriously have on me all of a sudden. Christ mate, it's called natural story progression. Look into it sometime eh?
Random Native: "You better rack off before I hurt you with my knife!"
Dan: "That's not a knife you silly galah, this is a knife! Now bugger off before I show you how bloody sharp this is, and then you'll be....you know, bloody."
Random Native: "Arhhhhhhh!"
Dan: "That oughta' do her straight. Good 'onya ya' moo cow! Now to find my bloody way out of this bloody mess, and find the bloke responsible for this balls-up affair. Damn! Never a Ute or a Tinnie when you need one. I suppose I could chuck a leftie round that hill there."
End of Act Four.
And elsewhere, in another part of the world we find the fifth stranger, Mr.Morbid.....
Act Five: I'm going through changes
Mr. Morbid: "Ughhh my aching head! I knew I shouldn't have had that last shot of Crown. Fuck me running!"
"Wait a minute, what the hell? Is that hair? That can't be I'm bald!(thanks evil genetics!)
Wait, this isn't my body! And why am I wearing short shorts? I'm not Daisy Duke. This is Mr. Morbid's House of Fun, not the Dukes of Hazzard! Oh shit, something's really wrong here."
"What the fuck man!? I know I wanted my hair back, but not like this! Not as Kamandi! C'mon, change me back into something else. Something cooler, like maybe a Green Lantern or something.
-A mysterious voice suddenly says "okay!"
POOF!
"Well, did it work? What am I now?"
"Alright! I'm a GL. Hell Yeah! Wait, wait a minute. Is that my head? Oh shit! I'm Maash! Fuck!"
"Not cool man, not cool! I have a giant turd for a head! There can be only one person or thing(for the sake of this story) responsible for this.....Bat-Mite! Damn you!!!!!!"
-Elsewhere we find......
Bat-Mite: "What, you were expecting maybe Bugs Bunny or Elmer Fudd? Nope just your friendly neighborhood elf from the 5th Dimension. Ain't I just a stinka!? HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
End of Act Five.
-Epilogue.....Deus Ex Machina
Zatanna: "Omega, good I've found you! There's no time to explain, but I got to free you and the others!"
Omega: "Hey pretty lady! You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day!"
Zatanna: "I don't have time for this. We have to leave now!"
Omega: "We can catch up with those losers later, but for now how about you rest for awhile. I got the duct tape and bottled water."
Zatanna: "But Bat-Mite..."
Omega: "Can wait sweet cheeks. This tiger's been caged up too long and wants to freak. ya' dig? Arroooooooo!"
Zatanna: "Sometimes I really hate my job!"
To be concluded.....
And that's that. Yes I will finish up the story later, but for now I think I'll just bask in the glow of my achievement.
Hey Dan, the researching Australian slang part was easy, but damn you guys talk funny! Ute? Tinnie? You cats are crazy! Love ya', mean it.
Finally, if you didn't already know, I'm a huge music fan, especially classic rock. Call me lazy, but I really love using titles of rock/music songs as titles for my skits, you know, in case you haven't already figured that out. So what song am I referencing here? NIN/Nine Inch Nails's "The four of us are dying." It's a really good instrumental track, that oddly enough could unofficially or officially be the the theme song to this story. Do yourself a favor and check it out here:
Have a good weekend guys, and hoped you enjoyed this humble little distraction I call a skit.
I enjoyed creating this thing almost as much as you guys probably had fun clicking off it. Ha!
Okay folks,
I've been talking to the other guys like Goo, Dan, Ben, and Omega how I was going to make a skit based on the five of us. You can thank/blame Ben, as I believe he was the impetuous(oh big word) of this idea. He suggested how cool it'd be if there were action figures of us all, and I got to thinking, yeah that would be cool, but there isn't. So here's the next best thing; using the figures I have available, I use 5 to represent each one of us. Oh boy this is gonna' be fun!
So sit back and enjoy, "The Five of us are dying" Part 1. And yes there are 2 parts, so don't complain.
Act 1: Much a-Goo about nothing
-Awaking in a strange and unfamiliar place, Googum quickly finds out he's not in Seattle, Washington anymore......
Googum: "Wha-!? Where am I? And why do I have the sudden urge for communion waffers?"
-Looking down, Goo realizes......
"Uhh Frik! Well this can't be good. I guess I'm Nightcrawler now. Nice. This must be karma for all the crap I put him through over the years on my blog."
"I just hope I'm not made to do anything I'll be too ashamed to let my kids read. Although this a Mr.Morbid skit, soooooo."
-Suddenly a lone wolf walks by......
"Oh come on! A small plastic toy wolf? Wow, the production value of this skit is real low.
Wait a minute! That wolf looks oddly familiar. Sam? Sam is that you?"
Sam: "Woof woof!"
"Great, now he drags my own dog into this skit? Alright, alright, think Goo, think. There's always a way out of these things, I just have to find it. Okay boy, let's find our way home."
Sam: "Woof! Woof, woof!"
-End of Act 1.
Act 2: Mozel Tov Magneto!
-Ben Hungstien(giggle) also awakens to find.......
Ben: "Huh what!? Where the hell am I? Last thing I remember was secretly sending death threats to Adam Glass and having a werid, quasi-sexual talk with Omega. He, Hey I'm Magneto! Gee such original thinking there Mr. Morbid.
"Hmm, I wonder if I have magnetic counting abilities like the real Magneto does?
-(Yes it's true. Check out A vs. X#2 true believers!)
"But what the hell, I'm Magneto! Look out world, because I'm one Jew you don't want to mess with!"
"You there. Yes you! Go out and tell all the world that our people shall suffer no more! From this day forward, I, Magneto, shall lead our people back to the promised land!"
Random guy: "Sure, whatever you say mister. Just as long we make it back in time for my wife's Knaidlach(Matzo Ball soup)."
Random Guy's Wife: "Yeah Mister Magneto, we need to be home in time for suppah. Oy what a shame to be missing suppah!"
Ben: "What? You're missing the point here. I'm telling you that I'm going to deliver our people from oppression and all you're worried about is missing dinner? Fools! Magneto cares not for soup!"
Random family: "Arghhh! Run Mr. Mensch is going all Meshuggina!"
Ben: "Now what a minute! I didn't say run. Stop!"
Random Nazi: "Seig Heil!"
Ben: "What the fuck did you just say!?"
Random guy's wife: "Ooh Mr. Jew Hater, you shouldn't have said that! Now we'll never make it to temple on time!"
-End of Act 2.
Act 3: Rumble in the jungle.
-Omega himself awakens to the sudden realization that things are not what they appeared moments eariler....
Omega: "Huh? Hey where am I? I was just going to sleep thinking about that weird, semi-sexual talk I had with Ben, but I all of a sudden I'm waking up here, wherever here is."
-Omega looks down and realizes he's not what he's supposed to look like.....
"Wha? Alright!!!! I'm a kung-fu badass baby! I'm Bronze Tiger! Hell yeah! It looks like this 'tiger's gonna' be baggin' some serious sooki tonight! Arrrrooooo!"
"But first, I need to stretch out. I can't have a sex-sprain while tworkin' that tail. Ughh yeah, I'm gonna' hit it and quit it like Bruce Lee. Howahhhhh!"
"What? There's no shame in stretching and working up for the big game. Not all of us want to end up like David Carradine you know. Damn shame 'bout that dude though. Brotha' just couldn't handle that Thai ass I guess. Not me though. I'm gonna' all tiger-style on her ass, while she snatches the p-nis out of my hand. Ya heard?"
-End of Act 3.
To be continued.
Well, that's just the first part folks. As you can see, I've been using free, photoshop-like programs like Paint.net and Gimp to mess around with. Hopefully that and my adequate computer skills will start to make these skits seem a little more better.
Here's a short one to go down easier than yesterday's long post. Enjoy!
Angel: "I want to flyyyyyyyyyyy like an eagle, to the sea; fly like an eagle, let my spirit carry me."
Thing: "Hey who sings that tune?"
Angel: "Originally the Steve Miller Band, and then it was covered by Seal one time I think."
Thing: "Yeah, let's keep it that way Pavarotti. Yeesh! I'm startin' to think you really are light in the loafers. And here I thought it was Iceman 'dat was the queer bait 'dis whole time."
-Angel hangs his head down.
Angel"sign! No one understands my gifts."
Extras from yesterday's post:
Iron Man: "Hell no I don't miss sobriety! Quitting's for losers anyhow!"
Iron Man: "So this blurriness is kinda' like what Roy saw when he was high right?"
Green Arrow: "Ah yeah, sure Tony, whatever you say."
Green Arrow: "Actually, I think it was more like this."
Iron Man: "Fucking sweet! I need to get me some of that!"
Hey people,
I don't know about you guys, my weekend wasn't bad. I went to the Toys R' Us in the nearby city of Florence and snagged some cool new figures; DCUC's Wave 20 to be exact. There's was tons and tons of figures to choose from that and other toy lines. I even found a Monarch figure from the Venture Bros. cartoon series for only $5.90, but passed on it anyway.
What I did get though was Red Arrow(prepare to bombarded by drug/junkie skits now), Hawk(of Hawk and Dove fame), a personal favorite and must-have, Prof. Zoom, the Reverse-Flash, and last but not least......the Super-Friends edition 2-pack of Hal Jordan/Sinestro on sale for only $20. No bad from being originally $35.
The big thing(ha ha) that was the main selling point for me, was the fact that this Sinestro was in his traditional blue and black costume, that was sculpted in more appropriate scale and body-wise than the other Sinestro figures distributed throughout the line.
Plus the extra glowing energy ring construct weapons were welcome bonuses to the 2-pack. Too bad there aren't that many necessary accessories packaged in with the regular figures, as that's become a growing, but now moot point of contention from fans. Moot now that the wave has ended for now. Damn shame that one is!
Anyways, while I struggled and debated over either getting the 2-pack or 2 more Wave 20 figures such as Dove and the modern Green Arrow, I went with the 2-pack and never looked back.
Now some of you, especially Goo, would ask "How in the hell do you buy Hawk, but not Dove?" Simple. I'm a terrible chauvinist when it comes to figures. I rarely buy female figures unless they either look good enough to get or I need them for their C&C parts. Yep, just using them for their parts. How like a man huh?
As much as I really thought about buying Dove, I just couldn't pass up DC Comics' favorite teen sidekick junkie, so blame Roy, everyone else does.
Alright now on to today's skit, and bear with me folks as it's kinda' long. Not super long, but longer than my usual skits. It features Iron Man and Green Arrow(he broke his cherry guys!), so enjoy.
Green Arrow: "Well, well, well! If it isn't Mr.Moneybags himself, Tony Stark."
Iron Man: "Hey Ollie. What's the matter with you?"
Green Arrow: "What's the matter with me? I'll tell you what's the matter with me. It's you! You're nothing but a Howard Hughes-wannabe, who happens to also be a typical, lying, opportunistic war-proffiteer who greed knows no bounds. Not to mention an insatiable horn-dog, whose love of women is only matched by his love of booze."
Iron Man: "Really, is that all? I think you forgot to call me a fat cat too."
Green Arrow: "Damn straight you are!"
Iron Man: "Look, I don't know what your problem is Ollie, but it's not with me. And since we're being so honest with each other, I feel turnabout's fair play. I'm not going to stand here and be insulted by a guy who has white-collar guilt."
Green Arrow: "What!? I don't have white-collar guilt."
Iron Man: "Sure you do. You're no better than a typical suburban white kid who thinks he's black just because he listens to Rap and feels he's being held down by "the man." You need to get over yourself because you're nothing more than egotistical loud-mouth, who claims to be disgusted by rich people, yet easily forgets how he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a golden rod up his ass. Not to mention being woefully unable to admit to being a second-rate copycat of Batman, who'd rather play William Tell than be a good enough role-model to keep his kid sidekick off of smack."
Green Arrow: "Yeah, well you're still a man-sized Richie Rich with delusions of grandeur, who uses his money to fill an empty space in his heart instead of what really matters, love. You also had a black manservant, so suck on that Miss Daisy!"
Iron Man: "Manservant!? Rhodey's a good friend who helps me out from time to time, you pathetic Robin Hood wannabe. FYI, Robin Hood was a well-known criminal who regularly looted and robbed from both rich and poor people alike. But for some strange reason he was made out to be a heroic outlaw, and not the common thief with good-to-average archery skills and a better PR rep he really was. And by the way, last I checked this is the 2000's, not the 12-or 1300's that you seem to think it is. Who the hell still uses a bow and arrow to fight crime this day and age, except maybe real-tree, jacket-wearing rednecks with deer stands and bad teeth."
Green Arrow" Yeah, what about Hawkeye, yours and Captain America's favorite ass-slave?"
Iron Man:"What about him? He gets a pass because he's f'n Hawkeye! Plus Clint's a much cooler name than Ollie, and he's in one a major top-selling movie."
Green Arrow: "Damn man, why you gotta' be like that? I'm sorry man, I just have a had a very bad week and all. I guess I didn't really mean all that stuff I said....well most of it anyway."
Iron Man: "It's all right Ollie. We're all entitled to have bad days sometimes. It's the nature of the game of life I guess."
Green Arrow: "Well, let's go find some cold ones and some hot women to make us feel better about
ourselves. Whatta' say Stark?"
Iron Man: "Well, I guess technically I did give up my sobriety to for help from the gods during that Fear Itself bullshit, so I guess I better do my part to honor my bargain, so what the hell. Let's get stinking, falling-down drunk and tear shit up. We can always blame the property damage on some stupid super-villain that happens to be nearby. After all, it worked for President Bush Jr."
Green Arrow: "Cool. Except I'm all outta' cash right now tin-man. Sorry."
Iron Man: "Somehow that doesn't surprise me. Fuck it I'm rich! The booze and bitches are on me, but you got next time."
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