"Silicon parts were made for toys"

And now for a skit that should've been already done because the very idea's so obvious if anyone really thinks about it for a second. But then that could just be me because I'm perverted like that. Enjoy.

Toyman: "Why is it that everybody thinks that just because my name is the Toyman, they assume I also make sex toys?"

       -Thinks about it for a minute

                                         Toyman: "Oh yeah, now I see it. Well, I guess I better get to work on that Owl-bot vibrator for Superwoman then. I don't get why an owl, but the customer's always right I supose."

"I'm not that innocent"

Today's skit features Alex Ross's favorite superhero Firestorm(cue sarcasm) and his really other favorite suphero, Captain Marvel/Shazam. Let's see what trouble these two get into shall we?

Firestorm: "Let me get this straight, so basically you're a 10 year-old boy stuck in the body of a ridiculously super-powered, full-grown man right?"

Captain Marvel: "Basically, yeah."

                           Firestorm: "So then you're like a fucked up version of the movie BIG. And you say that you got your powers by a dirty old man who lives in a tunnel underneath the subway?"

                          Captain Marvel: "Uh yeah, but I don't think I like where you're going with this."

                          Firestorm: "Dude, that's just totally fucked up right there!"

                          Captain Marvel: "No it's not you pervert! It's completely innocent and wholesome."

                              Firestorm: "Whatever you say Brittany Spears. I'm just saying, you're lucky you got super-powers and not raped, plus a one-time ad on a milk carton."

                             Captain Marvel: "Oh, because being a walking nuclear reactor who shares body with a unemployed physics professor is so much better right?"

   

                             Firestorm: "Talk to the hand because the hand doesn't talk back!"

"When a Blind man cries"

Spider-Man: "Hey DD, can I ask you a question that's always been bugging me?"

Daredevil: "Sure man, why not?"

Spider-Man: "You're sure that you lost your eyesight due to a chemical spill, and nothing else?"

Daredevil: "Of course! What the hell kind of question is that!? I told you that radioactive waste splashed into my eyes, blinding me."

Spider-Man: "Okay, okay. Sorry just checking is all. I just ask since there's other ways of becoming blind."

Daredevil: "Such as?"

Spider-Man: "You know, the other way, Masturbation."

Daredevil: "Spidey, sometimes you take the comedy too far."

Spider-Man: "Ain't I a stinker though?"

"He's got legs...and he knows how to use them"

Normally I would've waited until Monday to post this, but what the fuck, I was feeling bored and antsy(who says antsy anymore?). I've been working like a mad scientist on getting enough quality pics to fit the skits I've already written down I just hadn't gotten the pics to go along with them. Problem solved for about 85 to 90% of them. But don't worry faithful viewers because I have at least a week or two of skits(if I space them out right) worth of material already edited and ready to go.

Whew, that was a mouthful.

Alright, enough with the boring speech and on with the show:

*On a side note, nice title huh? You'll soon see why I picked the altered title based off a ZZ Top song, "She's got legs." And of course, you'll finally see the skit where I got those funky pics from for Thursday's post.

Trigon: "Sign"

Robin: "Trigon? What the heck happened to you?"

Trigon: "Go away, I don't want to talk about it okay?"

                Robin: "But you're missing an arm, and hey, those aren't your legs! What gives?"

                  Trigon: "Gee, nothing gets past you does it Nancy Drew?"

Robin: "Hey, there's no reason to be such a grouch about it."

Trigon: "Sorry, you're right. It's just that the asshole who bought me couldn't be bothered to buy the rest of the figures required to finish building me, thus explaining why I look such a hot mess, as you kids say."

*Side note: If Trigon happens to have a credit card handy, I'll be more than happy to finish him off(that didn't sound right).Until then he should be grateful he's not like the rest of the unfinished C&C's that can't even bitch or moan about their current situation. Thank you.

Robin: "Man that really sucks!"

Trigon: "Yeah, no shit sherlock! And to make things worse, there's no spare arms around that fit since they're all lefties. But at least I have legs."

Robin: "Hey, aren't those the Anti-Monitor's legs?"

Trigon: "Yeah, but I miss my own legs. For some weird reason I have an insatiable craving for whole worlds and multiverses. Crazy shit I tell you, and that's coming from someone who looks like the Devil and Bambi's dad fucked and out came me."

Robin: "That...that...just blew my mind and wrecked my childhood memories of Bambi all in one shot. Gee, thanks."

Fun With Pictures

Hey folks and welcome to an  unveiling of  a new disaster piece.
Before the new official sketch based off these pictures gets its proper debut, I was feeling suddenly creative(wasted) and started messing around with the aforementioned pics, and then this stuff came out.

You are forewarned to the sick sorts of test photos that emerged from this creative session.
So don't blame me if you happen to piss, shit, or spew liquids from your bodies while looking at these.

Enough with the court-mandated warning, and on to the show, Fun With Pictures WTF!? Edition:

"You know, Skid Row was right; It really is just wasting time."

"Just, just dance, it'll be okay. Spin that record baby, and just dance."

"Did you bring the condoms this time?"

"Whoops, sorry."

"Fill my eyes, with that double vision. There's no disguise, for that double vision."

"You got my money bitch? You have enough money to buy a fake mustache, but you can't pay me back my money?"

"Kind of bright in here isn't it?"

"No, seems fine in here to me."

"I tried to get you your half of everything Bob, but your ex-wife's lawyer is a real bitch! She really did want an arm and a leg."

In the Spiritual Mosh pit

"Bounce! pogo, pogo, pogo, pogo, bounce!"

"I said no more teabags Larry! If I get caught doing it one more time, Mr. Wayne's gonna' fire my ass!"

"For the last time, no sex in the champagne room!"

Well I hope you all enjoyed these little bits of heaven, because I sure had fun making 'em.

Have a good weekend people.

"Dude, where's my trident?"

Aquaman: "Prince Namor, it's sure been awhile."
Namor: "Yes it has King of Atlantis."

Aquaman: "We're not really going through this again are we?"

Namor: "No, I just find it funny that we're both relatively kings of our respective Atlantises is all. By the way, nice trident."

Aquaman: "What, this old thing? It's practically an heirloom."
Namor: "Yes I see that. It does seem to have that antiquated, but showy, Liberace look to it."

Aquaman: "Showy?"
Namor: "Yes, it, as the surface-dwellers are so fond of saying, looks fucking gay!"

Aquaman: "What!? I just don't see it. Here you hold this and see how gay it looks Mr. Spock."
Namor: "Oh alright, if you insist."

Namor: "Seriously Arthur, this looks extremely phallic and homoerotic! I want it!"

Aquaman: "I thought you just said it looked gay."
Namor: "Yeah, well I just didn't want you to have it is all. Since I'm the older of the two of us, I should have this."

Aquaman: "Like Hell! besides, you just want to to trade tridents because your's is smaller."
Namor: "As we true Atlantians say, Fuck You!"






So folks, did you enjoy that one?
I'll admit some if these sound a lot better at first, but then seem to fizzle out upon writing them down. That's why from here on out, I promise better, funnier strips.

As a way of making amends, how about a quick viewing of the outtakes from this strip? Everybody loves cut scenes, so what the hell. Enjoy.

Aquaman: "Oh, hello Leonard Nimoy. I didn't know you were supposed to show up.
Namor: "You idiot! I'm Namor!"
Aquaman: "Oops, sorry. You both look so alike and everything it's hard to tell the difference.

-CUT!

Namor: "Yes my precious! Finally we're united again!"
Aquaman: "What the hell are you talking about man? That's not in the script."

-CUT!

Namor: "What the hell kind of shirt is that? Is that FUBU?"
Aquaman: "What? No, and what the hell is a FUBU? Is that some kind of sea-monster in your world?"

CUT!

"(Super) Perfect Strangers"

Special Weekend edition folks! Yes, I got my computer fixed, so I'm ready and willing to corrupt the minds of future generations. You have been warned!

Now, you're probably asking, "What the hell's up with the title?" Simple. Anyone from my generation that watched a lot of TV in the 80's knows the title is a play/joke on a sitcom from the 80's called Perfect Strangers. If you don't know, then to to YouTube you must go!

 Go ahead, I'll wait. Watched it yet? Alright then enough of that and on to the feature skit:

-Cap and OMAC both stare at each other, meeting for the 1st time ever.

Captain America: "So...."

OMAC: "So....."

Cap: "OMAC right? I've heard of you before. You're some super-soldier from the future right?"
OMAC: "Yeah something like that. And you're Captain America, the famous super-soldier from WW2 correct?"

Cap: "Yes I am. Can't believe we've never met before even though we share the same creator, papa Jack Kirby."
OMAC: "I know right? Small world. So....."

CAP: "So...nice hair."
OMAC: "Thanks. Would you believe it's as strong as your shield? At least that's what I've heard."

Cap: "No kidding huh? So you come from the future right? Can you tell me about it?"
OMAC: "Yeah, let's not go there. Too many bad memories."

Cap: "PTSD?"
OMAC: "Oh yeah!"

Cap: "I heard that. War really is hell isn't it?"
OMAC: "Brother, don't I know it! You have a kid sidekick too?"
Cap: "Yeah, like you said, let's not go there."