Thursday, June 21, 2012

Fire Hazard

Just to get you guys in the mood for today's skit, I provided a little soundtrack that'll get you in the right frame of mind, courtesy of the Ohio Players and their hit single "Fire". So sit back and take a listen.

Don't mind me, I'll wait for ya'.

Okay, you ready? Good.

Firestorm: "Uh, should we be you know, standing next to each other? I figured we both might blow up or something if we're standing too close together."

Pyro: "Bugger if I care mate. That's why I'm a super-villain, so's I don't have to follow any bleeding rules or orders as such. Like my dad used to say, No rules, just right!"

Firestorm: "Uh, I think that's the slogan for Outback Stackhouse you're referring to."

Pyro: "You calling me ol' man a Jack of tall tales? That he ain't dinkum? You bloody angora! I outta' burn ya' damn lips off!"

Firestorm: "What the hell are you talking about? And who's a jack a what? And I'm pretty sure I don't have an angora; I have a penis thank you very much. Although now that I think about it, I do have an Aunt Flora... I think. Anyways, learn to speak English man! Maybe that's why you get into so many fights."

Pyro: "Piss off ya' bloody wanker!"

Captain Atom: "Hey guys what's up?"

Firestorm: "Okay, now we should be worried."

Bonus Scene:

Firestorm: "Hey! Those are mine! Give 'em back!"

Captain Atom: "Sorry soldier but I just bought a timeshare for these babies, and I aim to get my money's worth."

Firestorm: "Doh!"

So how'd I do Dan? I think I'm slowly, but surely getting the hang of Australian slang. Of course being able to look this shit up on the internets(yes internets for you Prince fans) makes things super easy for me.

One of the words I just happened to see, is Liquid Laugh. That's Aussie slang for vomiting/puking. I had a good laugh myself off of that one.

Speaking of puking, here's a funny little embrassing personal story of mine:

I was in 4th grade at the time, and me and some classmates were talking about different colored-boobs. Yeah I know, real highbrow stuff for a 10 yr-old. Don't ask me how we got on that topic but we did. So we all start to get really ridiculous by just calling out different colors of boobs, again real highbow stuff here.

So I start laughing, and laughing, all while eating big bites of pizza in-between all this. Well I laugh so hard, I forget to swallow, and I start choking. The really messed up part is, I was laughing and choking at the same time, because for some fucked up reason, I was too damn amused by the image of different-colored breasts, to stop and deal with me choking. So from there I proceeded to puke, and I mean puke hardcore, all the while I'm still laughing my ass off! Everybody at the table scattered like roaches when you turn on the lights, and quickly moved away from the colorful, liquid pyrotechnics shooting out of my mouth. What's funny is they were  both disgusted, yet were laughing at me, and I was laughing at myself and the brightly-colored boobs too!

After that a kind custodian saw what was going on, took me outside, and performed the Heimlich maneuver on me.

I was fine after that, and even got a free 2nd lunch to boot. And you know what? I still laughed even after all that. Yeah, what can I say, I was a silly ,stupid kid back then, except now I'm just a silly, stupid man.

And that was one of many adventures I had while doing the liquid laugh. Literally!

Have a good weekend folks, and please don't laugh and puke at the same time. It's not for everyone!


StarryPluto said...

My favorite story of yours and always amusing! You so crazy!

Dan said...

haha strewth mate you're turning into an aussie faster then an Acca/Dacca fan screamin 'Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!' Really liked the bonus scene too mr - I hear Jack Nicholson in my head when I saw Firestorn 'Where does he get those wonderful toys?' hey - its better than hearing the devil!

As for coloured jugs, Im even worse cos I related multi-coloured to Asterix and The Big Fight. Did you ever read that? Now thems were some colours. Crossin Asterix with boobs.... yeah Im goin ta hell.

Dale Bagwell said...

-Star, glad you liked the story, as you've been seen me do the liquid laugh plenty of fucking times. Good god!

-Dan, I aim to please, as your the resident Aussie expert around these parts. Does that mean if I do one more of these, I can become an honorary Aussie? Now that'd be a beaut!

Haven't read a lot of Asterix, even though he's popular as hell over where I used to live in West Germany. He's super big over in Europe, and now I have to go google that one. Oh, and if you're headed to hell, at least you'll get the spot next to the ice machine compared to where I might have to sit:)

Martin Gray said...

Bonzer! This gave me a good laugh,

Dale Bagwell said...

Thanks for stopping by Martin. Glad you enjoyed my skit and story.

Feel free to visit the house anytime you like; I always enjoy the company.

Dan said...

Honorary Aussie - sure why not! Anythings good for shits and giggles. Yeah we're like the spot where both comic worlds collide. US and Europe, I think Bone was quite influenced by Asterix too but who knows.

Me I'm off to by some bourbon. If I'm spending forever by an ice machine I better have something to go with it!

Dale Bagwell said...

Ha ha, Dan you're crazy man! Bourbon? You really don't fuck around when it comes to drinking do you?

I like a good Rum and Coke myself. If it's good enough for Lemmy from Motorhead, than it's damn well good enough for me:) Have a good day and weekend you koala poacher you:)

Omega Agent1 said...

Hell, I'll do it if it save me alot on my car insurance.

Dale Bagwell said...

-Omega, But would you ,to quote Mickie Knox from the movie Natural Born Killers, "Go down on a lawman for a gallon of gas"? Now that's the question.

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