Friday, October 03, 2014

What The Fuck Were They Thinking: The Shocker


Okay, okay, so right of the bat, you're probably thinking,
"You're talking about the sex toy/sex finger position right?" or "The Shocker? Isn't he that loser Spider-Man villain who looks like a melted oven mitt from the 70's?"

Maybe both, due to the nature of his powers, but definitely the latter.

Either way, today he's the newest inductee into the hall of shame, in today's edition of What The Fuck Were They Thinking?..

The Shocker, whose real name is Herman Schultz(so he was doomed to be a schmuck right out the gate, Gee, thanks Stan;) was your everyday, run-of-the-mill common criminal, who was secretly an engineering genius.
 How is he an engineering? Because he made/learned how to make a pair of vibrating gauntlets while in the slammer.

And thus Marvel Comics' first(probably) unintentional sex toy for women was born.
Well not really, but it should've been. He might've been more successful in life by going that route.

But I digress.

First appearing in The Amazing Spider-Man#46 (March 1967), and created by Stan Lee and John Romita, The Shocker was actually successful in first go-round with our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. of course he had Spidey at a huge disadvantage since Spidey had a bum arm from fighting the Lizard in the previous issue, but hey, a win's a win any way you can take it right?
Spider-Man later recovered enough to avenge said jobbing, and after that, Schultz became one of yet many a punching bag for Spidey and any other costumed hero in need of an ego boast that day.

And trust me, he's played the lovable loser role to perfection over the years. But he's also been featured in several Spider-Man cartoon series, had his likeness made into a few action figures that I know of, and even starred in a mini or two. 

Most recently he's been featured in the criminally underrated and under-appreciated comic series, The Superior Foes of Spider-Man.

I guess my main gripe isn't so much his powers, which if you look them up, are pretty damn solid.
It's his outfit.
Seriously, look at it.....

He looks like ugly ghost of a broken George Foreman grill or an old, unloved waffle iron.
I guess "Jazzy" John Romita burnt his hands while pulling a pan out of the oven, cursed himself for not wearing oven mitts, and then thought to himself :

  "Hmm, those oven mitts over there; they're mocking me for not putting them on. Fuck it! I'll show them and create a super-villain out of 'em."

Or something like that.

So based purely off the outfit alone, Stan and John, What The Fuck Were You Thinking!?

That's me for this week.
Hope you guys have an awesome weekend.


Randomnerd said...

I always thought he looked like he made a costume from a really ugly quilt at the Goodwill.

The King of Thessaly said...

How dare you, Sir! HOW DARE YOU!!! The Shocker is seriously in my 'top ten' Spidey rogues of all time... Hell- he's in the 'top five'!
I love THE SHOCKER! (Shut up, Karl!)
You leave him, and his awesome quilted costume, alone!

We are enemies now.

On the real-real: Ever see the issues with him that John Romita Jr. and Howard Mackie did? FUCK ARE THEY AWESOME! I remember being SO happy to see him legitimized and not made out to be a joke. -He's one of the best.

Randomnerd said...

Proving once again that no matter how silly the premise, a good writer and artist can make a good story.

It could have been worse. His costume could have been made from old flannel.

Dale Bagwell said...

@Random: Ha ha, yep. He really really does. Or like a mascot for those peanut butter and chocolate waffers.

True, and if you've read or are reading the Superior Foes of Spider-Man book, you'll see how right you are.

@King; Lol! I won't stop until I've besmurched all your favorite b/c-list villainous favorites.


But yeah, again, its not so much the character and his powers that are lame and should've been re-thought; it's his outfit.

Dude, he's like the unofficial mascot & spokesman for products like nutter butters and waffle cones.

The King of Thessaly said...


I really do like his costume, though- it's so "comic-book"! Can you imagine him in Image or The New 52??? He'd be unnecessarily HORRIBLE.

Dale Bagwell said...

@king: oh hell, don't say that man. I wouldn't wish a fate like being NU52'd on any character, except my worst enemy.

There's no way shocker comes out of that queer but colorblind eye for the straight guy experience in one piece.
He'd be lucky to retain his colors and forced to wear goggles....


Randomnerd said...

NOOOO! Not the goggles!

The King of Thessaly said...

"My eyes- the goggles DO NOTHING!!!"

Randomnerd said...

Yeah, those cheap x-ray specs really let you down.

karl said...

I like the Shocker [so THERE, King!] he wasn't so bad....he always seemed to feature quite heavily in the Spidey comics all the time [or it felt like it anyway]. Lovable loser he may be - well he was! - but he had a bounce-back ability you had to admire.

The King of Thessaly said...

No, Karl- we're talking about a comic book character called The Shocker... not that thing you like.

Dale Bagwell said...

@King: Exactly! Although I wouldn't put it past Karl to Mr. Schultz "One in the pink, Two in the stink" Man anyways;)

The King of Thessaly said...

As far as the Spider-Man cartoons go (since you have that image up there): Shocker was played by Jim Cummings in the 90's, aka Mister Moloch from Project G.e.e.K.e.R., Ioz from The Pirates of Dark Water, Darkwing Duck, and The Savage fuckin' Dragon... and then he was voiced by Jeff Bennett in Spectacular Spider-Man; aka Brooklyn from Gargoyles, and Prince Lightstar from Skeleton Warriors (as well as being "additional voices" in pretty-much fucking EVERYTHING!)
...So, see? The Shocker gets some respect!

Dale Bagwell said...

Well bow down to the king, 'cause the boy got skillz.

You definitely seem to have won your pop culture badge easill enough there dude. That's some serious knowledge you dropped.

That, and I now know who the president and founder of the Shocker Fan Club/#RespectTheSchultz movement is;)

googum said...

There's an old Iron Man where Tony was working on a new armor, and the Shocker called him out on it being ugly. That has to hurt.

The King of Thessaly said...

Hey- I know my 80's/90's cartoons and voice-actors...


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