So in trying to be current, or at the very least entertaining, and not rely on dragging out the out the same boring shit everytime I try to figure what to write about for the second half of the week, I figured I'd try something new, and introduce a new section or feature here @ The House.
This new feature/column is called "What The Fuck Were They Thinking?"
I basically either go looking for or remember forgotten characters, or characters that should be forgotten, from different comic companies over the years, and ask what they fuck were they thinking when they came up with said characters. It should be fun if nothing else.
The first inductee into this hall of shame is The Slug.
Yes, this fat fucker right here. Ulysses X. Lugman. Fuck it's sad I knew that right off the top of my head w/o having to look that up.
Anyhoo Fat-ass here is or was(not sure if he's still alive or not) a d-list mob boss and drug pusher.
He's run into guys like the Spider-Man, Captain America, and Nomad, and yet has somehow always survived not dying like the incredibly fat fuck that he is. Seriously, look at this picture
Even the Blob and Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers' movies would call him fat.
Hell, even Eric Cartman would call him a fat ass, and not big-boned.
At least the Blob's obesity was useful enough to keep from being moved unless he wanted to be moved, as well bounce bullets or other projectiles(flaming dicks?) back where they came from. And of course the embrassing move where you'd find your fist or foot getting caught in a fat pocket.
Sluggie kinda' does something like that, but nowhere near as cool. Nope. Lard-O's powers, as are as follows according to his Marvel wikia profile entry:
"The Slug's body is so terribly obese that it was difficult to penetrate enough fat to strike his vital organs. Also, Slug had mastered the rather grotesque talent of suffocating opponents in the folds of his flesh."
Yep, you read that right. For the sheer sick, hell of it, he smothers his victims in his either one of his numerous fat folds. Damn. Now that's a fate I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Child molesters yes, but regular criminals, no.
Last anyone saw of this guy, he was working for the Hood back during Dark Reign in '09. Apparently he was a Skrull imposter, proving that the Skrulls really are sadists for impersonating him. I guess he made it alive since his entry notes that Iron Man found him and several other victims used by the Skrulls. They really shouldn't have went through all that trouble, and just did the Marvel U a big one, and killed his chunky ass.
Seriously, how is this fat fuck still alive? How has Deadpool or even the Scourge not killed him already?
That's me for this week, here's your moment of non-zen: