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Wednesday, October 23, 2013

No Country For Old Sluts....and Strippers

Happy Hump Day

So I was talking to Hannah a few days again about the different forms of techniques guys can use to cum inside their ladies mouth(don't worry, we talk about shit like this all the time) and she definitely learned some new things.

Well afterwards, I got thinking about how there's no retirement plan for old whores and strippers.
Seems like such a sad phenomenon really. No glue factory or retirement home for the ladies of the night when their vaginas and assholes get so beat up and worn out. Nope, nothing but Blue Waffles and Pink Socks(look those terms up and prepare to keep a trash can handy to puke in) for these public servants.

I think that;s fucked up. After all, they give and give, take and take, and have nothing to show for it besides stab wounds, gunshots, bruises, and torn up orifices, and no one likes that.

So I figured I'd take a shot, and come up with my own rest home for the old and weary vixens of vanity.
Hey, I'm a giver, what can I say.

So, without further ado......

Welcome to Loose Valley Retirement Home:


That's right ladies, Mr. Morbid has found a place just for you. No more being shamed at a regular nursing home, because now you have your very own.

In no time at all, you'll go from this:



To this:

From this:


To this:

From this:


To this:

 So ladies, it behooves you to save up what you can, and we'll do the rest. That way, when you're doing this:



You'll be able to this:

Without being like this:


Think about it ladies. It's your future retirement home..... choose wisely;)













6 comments:

Randomnerd said...

You know how I tell you to warn me before doing this kind of thing because I'm ALWAYS drinking diet coke? Well, I actually sprayed it on the keyboard. I should know better by now, shouldn't I? :)

Actually, I think Nevada would be a great place for this kind of thing. Access to clients, warm temperatures, not a lot of humidity. Seems ideal.

The King of Thessaly said...

...I thought old whores just retired to the hole I dug in my back yard. Who knew?

Dan W said...

Aww all the old peeps in the hall waiting for Attention made me laugh and feel sad at the same time. I look at that I can multitask. You wonder how superhero and foe geriatric ville will get on don't you? Daredevil using his radar sense to know when kids are on his lawn, Storm letting off as much wind as she generates while sneaking treats down the drain to her imaginary moor locks.... And all the while immortal Wonder Woman still looks 35 fling back and forth past their windows. What a witch.

Dale Bagwell said...

@Random: Yeah, you really should, especially knowing me;)

Nevada huh? Isn't there a Bunny Ranch out that way? Hot springs for sure, so maybe the ta tas and coochies will preserved that way.

@King: I wouldn't tell the cops that. Just saying;)
MOM? *sobs uncontrollably*

Randomnerd said...

@Dan, now there's the next Matlock for you. Aging superheroes fight crime and porridge. Tonight at eight.

Dale Bagwell said...

@Dan: Ha ha, good point. I'd say when it comes to superheroes nowadays, they just aren't allowed to age like their Golden Age predecessors were.
More than likely they'll be in still be in their 20's or 30's while we're drooling away in our nursing home rooms. Sad but true. But thus is the way with the modern myths that are superheroes.

Matlock? Really Ging? Naww, I'd rather watch the Golden Girls. At least Blanche could still show me a good time;)