Wednesday, October 07, 2015

Top 10: Comic Villains With Mustaches

Happy Hump Day People!!!!!!

So here's a random topic: Mustaches.
Done right, they can look epic and iconic, much like one of the key saints of Mustaches, Tom Selleck

Take a bow Magnum.

And done wrong, they're wrong really, really wrong. Like creepy pedophile wrong.

Yeah, don't be that guy.

And of course we all know the overplayed cliche way of spotting the villain in any story right?
Just look for the evil douche bag who's manically twirling his mustache.
Maybe's it a tic. Maybe he does that when he gets super-excited or nervous.
Who knows, and who cares because we all they're fucking evil right?


Well today, I've compiled a list of the Top Ten evil comic villains who just that; twirl that mustache like their lives depend on it.

Now at first I thought of at least 5 off the top of my head, so I was originally only going to do a Top 5 list. But the more I thought about all the bad guys with mustaches, I quickly realized I'd have to up the list if I didn't want to leave any good villains out.

So without further ado-do, here's the Top 10 Comic villains with mustaches:

10). Hector Hammond

I'd like to think he's laughing at how shitty that Green Lantern movie turned out, even though in my opinion, he and Sinestro( another evil mustache-sporting baddie) were two of that abortion's saving graces...besides the part where the credits roll that is.

Still for better or worse, the movie did seem to capture Hector's inherent creepiness, as well as his evil 'stache.

Go bighead?

9). Abra Kadabra

Admit it; visually and conceptually he's one of the more ideal villains to come along and sport such an evil mustache like Abra does. And the more crazed he looks, the better and sinister, his mustache looks as well.

8). The Grey Gargoyle

Old Grey was one of the first longstanding Marvel villains to sport and keep his mustache. It just pulls the look together, especially when you take into account that he's an evil Frenchmen. Much like his brother from another mother coming up next.....

7). Batroc The Leaper

Face it folks, he was a natural shoe-in for this list the day he was born. 
Only a Frenchmen that vile, could ever grow and successfully keep a crazy 'stache like that for as long as he has. Too bad it wasn't deemed badass enough for his only movie appearance ever:(

6). Marvel's Dracula

Back in the 70's, Marv Wolfman and Gene Colan's Dracula was king. Inspired by actor Jack Palance, this version of Dracula sported an evil, pencil-thin mustache, presumably so Universal Pictures wouldn't be able to sue the shit out of Marvel for copyright infringement. 
If only it all possible copyright infringement lawsuits were always that easy to fix by adding or subtracting facial hair.

5). The Black Tarantula

I don't know why, but the mustache just pulls the overall look together, you know?
I've always liked the design, but the dastardly mustache just seals the deal for me.

4). The Leader

Whether his head's regular enlarged, or super-super-sized, his sweet-looking evil 'stache always stays the same. And no, he wasn't born with it, It's definitely Gamma-linne;)

3). Kraven The Hunter

Goddamn son! Now that's what you call a Mustache! Seriously, how is this guy not the new face of  those Old Spice commercials already?

2). The Mandarin

Can't have a list without this guy for damn sure. He's Marvel's true Fu Manchu rip-off that may be just as, if not more, popular than the guy he's a derivative of. Go villain named after a fruit.

1). Sinestro

Could't have said it better myself Thuule Sinestro. If Sinestro's not at the top off a list like this with his trademark evil 'stache, that's a list not worth compiling.
Thankfully past and present(and hopefully future) creators resist the urge to change or alter such a truly iconic look.

And here's the leftovers.....

Honorable Mentions:

5). The Wizard (DC)

This golden age villain most likely invented the evil mustached troupe that's still being used today, so you can probably thank him for it.  He used to be used a lot, fighting both the JSA and JLA, until Felix Faust replaced him as the De Facto evil magician/sorcerer guy. Probably.

4). Crazy Quilt

Look at that look on that guy's mug? Does he look high or what?
Ol' Crazy never lived down getting a one-on-one ass-beating by a young Robin, but at least his mustache never failed him even when his fashion and common sense did.

3). Steppenwolf (DC)

I'm sure Jack Kirby would be proud to see some of his New Gods represented on here. 
Or maybe not. Either way, this version, the Super Powers version Kirby himself designed, has managed to stick around longer than his original green-hued look, as it extends into the recent NU52-verse.

2). Wotan

I never got why a villainous, manipulative, and outright evil sum' bitch chose the German version and spelling of the Norse God Odin's name. But hey, evil fucking mustache all-over that mug though.

1). Hitler (Marvel)

And finally no list of evil bastards sporting an equally evil mustache is complete without including this world-class, Grade-A piece of shit.

Take a bow fuckwad! You made the scrap list.

And that's just the villain side of things. Wait till you see the heroes that sport Magnum PI-worthy mustaches.


Shlomo Ben Hungstien said...

i remember when that Steppenwolf figure first came out it started out as a mail away edition with enough proof of purchase tags. it was a cool figure i was pretty stoked when it arrived in the mail. i didn't know anything about the character but the figure looked cool plus when you squeeze his legs he makes this chopping motion with his axe.

Dale Bagwell said...

I've seen that SP figure a few times in the past. He's not bad really.
I don't know if you know, but Mattel's DC Classics line remade that version of him and his original green and yellow look. Pretty sweet figures actually.

Any thoughts on the list though, or those that made it? Not even so much as a Hitler diss? I'm disappointed in ya Shlmomo;)

Shlomo Ben Hungstien said...

i'm a bit more pre-occupied these days with modern day nazis the long dead ones. i just got married last month and my wife and i are planning our honeymoon in Greece with a side trip to Israel around the middle of next year. don't know if you follow international news much but there's a bit of cause for concern between the flood of muslim "refugees" pouring into europe and the ratcheted up violence in the middle east along with the spill over from that in terms of these lone wolf jihadists both here and in Israel. and it makes me sick how political correctness has a complete strangle hold on our politicians and believe it or not political correctness seems to be even worse in Israel. we're in desperate need of strong leaders who are willing to stand up to radical islam and to other scum like putin. and let's just abolish the UN for that matter what a fucken useless institution that is it's good for nothing other then to offer tyrants and terrorists posing as politicians a soap box to rant on. and don't even get me going on the iran nuke deal it's all just so fucken pathetic. God help me even though i can't stand the republicans but i might have to pinch my nose and cast my vote for them just for practical reasons. it's a sad world bro.

Dale Bagwell said...

It definitely can be man, it definitely can be.

You are super correct about political correctness having a stranglehold on society. It's everywhere and in and on just about everything. To me its a big part of the problem in the US and across the globe, but really majorly here, especially in the media.

I don't when this trend started, but I wished it would stop. You can't joke or say anything nowadays without people getting butt-hurt over the littlest thing. It's disgusting, but also the way of the world for the immediate future.

Speaking of futures though, congrats on getting hitched brother. Very, very proud of you.
Knowing you, this was most definitely not a easily made decision, but you made the leap anyways, and I'm very happy for you. I say this with the up-most sincerity and respect, MOZEL TOV:)

Shlomo Ben Hungstien said...

thanks man. it was a case of having met somebody under the right circumstances at the right time in my life. although i would say it took a little while after we first met to get to that point where "getting hitched" direction i wanted to take things into. it's funny that you used that term because we didn't do the big wedding crap. you have any idea how much some of these fucken weddings can cost? this dude at my work got married about a month before me and they spent $40,000!!! and it was just a local wedding for that money you'd think that they went to some exotic location or something.
all that money for just a one day event where half the people there you hardly know. yeah we said fuck that and basically eloped. we ended up flying down to Long Beach and catching a ferry to Catalina Island for a 3 night stay at this Mediterranean style villa on the beach in Avalon. as for the ceremony all we had was a handful of friends, an officiator, a photographer and less then 30 minutes later it was done. we also caught a nice break as far as leisure activities there some parasailing company on the island was looking for volunteers to be taken parasailing rides for free because they needed to create new marketing material for their brochures and online content so we were like fuck yeah!
the whole thing (flight, hotel, ferry ride, officiator, photographer, leisure activities) only cost us a little over 2 grand. i'm tellin ya bro a small and quick ceremony on a vacation wedding get away is the way to go you get a lot more bang for your buck that spending enough money for a down payment on a house for just a one day event. ofcourse if you really want to keep the cost down to a bare minimum you can always do the city hall thing and save ALL the money for the honey moon.

Dale Bagwell said...

Nice. No argument from me on trying to save as much $ as possible.
If I ever get hitched myself, I prefer to go as cheap as I can, so yeah the City Hall thing is very much a realistic option.

At the end of the day its a piece of paper, and you're definitely right, why spend a down payment on a house for one day. Amen man, amen.

Anyhoo, hope your marriage remains blessed man.

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