Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Top 5: Stripper Songs

Happy Hump Day bitches!

So......stripper songs.
Hey, they're a stable of the foundation that makes a man a man.

God love dat ass.

So in tribute to those bosom bitches that shake their goodies for money and approval they didn't get from their fathers, here's my Top 5 stripper songs. Wait no. That's too easy. Nope. Rewind. We're doing the Top 5 Worst stripper songs. Fuck yeah:

5). Bonnie Raitt "I Can't Make You Love Me"
Well you can't either, thus why you're continually throwing money at a stripper who'll never fuck you.

4). Pirates of the Mississippi "Feed Jake"
Finally a song almost more depressing than Sarah McLaughlin's.

3). George Michael "Mother's Pride"
I dare you to stand at attention while listening to a song adopted by the 90-91 Persian Golf War.

2). John Lennon "Imagine"
It's a favorite of mine, but it doesn't exactly inspire an erection when thinking that, "Hey John's dead".

1). Gilbert O'Sullivan "Alone Again Naturally"
  Try not to commit suicide while listening to this wrist-slitting hit even despite being bombarded by a face full of DD's.

Yep. They're all depressing, and all for different reasons, making them definitely songs you don't wanna' see hot chicks strip to.


Top 5 ZZ Top stripper songs:

5). She's Got Me Under Pressure
4). Jesus Just left Chicago
3). Cheap Sunglasses
2). She's Got Legs
1). La Grange


Dan W said...

The top 5 non-stripper songs?! Hmm thats tougher than the title says. Nice picks though mr. Mine would be 'Sorry' by Tracy Chapman - because hearing about not coming naturaly and apoligising over and over is rough. 'What I've Done' by Linkin Park- because thats the last thing you want to think of. That really hard to spell song by Kate Bush - because suddenly you're trying to figure out what the hell she's on. 'Mmbop' by Hanson - because shooting former popstars is still illegal and lastly I cant get no satisfaction by britney spears. Britney yes the stones yes. but bad covers of the stones singing about being unsatisfied while wrecking perfectly good sonvs that werent broke in the first place - even strippers stop and hunt you for that.

Dale Bagwell said...

I haven't heard that one by Chapman, although I'd counter with "Fast Car" Oof!

Just about anything by Kate Bush, Linkin Park, The Smiths, The Cure, etc are not stripper material.

Only thing worse than Brittany's cover of Satisfaction? Her cover of Joan Jett's "I love rock and roll and Do you wanna touch?"
Try and beat that pair mate;)

karl said...

Just the barest mention of Gilbert O Sullivan gives me a boner that I could compete in the Olympic high-jump with.
Nah not really.

Dale Bagwell said...

@Karl: Why am I not surprised at that fact;)

The Motel's "Only the lonely" does it for me too;)
Nah, not really. Good song though.

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