Tuesday, April 05, 2011

"There's gonna be a showdown, a showdown yeah"

So I think I'm going to try out some new things on this blog. I've decided to start doing old or current comic reviews at least once a week under the heading "Random Comic Review." And I'll even do a fantasy fight section, where I pick a team, teams, or individuals that haven't fought before or should, just to decide once and for all who's the top dog. I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes, namely Googum @ Random Happenstance, or Blahactus, but hey I've always wanted to do stuff like this, especially since WIZARD did it first. Not to mention, it's not as easy as it looks trying to make up funny scenes or captions with action figures. Seriously,you try it, and see how long you can pull that stuff off! Anyways off to the races we go......

For my inaugural Fantasy Fight topic, I'd like to pit the JLA against 3 other teams: The JSA, The Authority, and The Squadron Supreme.

Why these specific teams you may or may not ask? Basically it's like this: the general conscencious, is that pound for pound, there's hardly any other superteam that can match the raw strength, speed, and overall power that is the JLA. These specific teams, with the JSA as a notable exception, are duplicates/copies of the JLA. And becides, who hasn't wondered if the JSA could take their younger, silver-age counterparts, or if Marvel's other answer to the JLA; the Squadron Supreme could successfully match or at the very least survive a fight with the real deal. With the exception of the SS, Wizard Magazine already hypothesized the winners of the JLA/JSA and JLA/Authority fights; JLA beat JSA, and the Authority beat the JLA on the opinion that the Authority's members were willling to kill and were ruthless, as opposed to the JLA. This was back in Jan of  2001, so whatever roster was available at that time was the ones that were used in these imaginary fights.

Okay let's start with The JSA:

1). JLA vs. JSA

the rosters for both teams is as follows, and I've stretched the number of members for each group to 13.

JLA=satelite era                                                           JSA=40's-60's era
Superman                                                                        Spectre
Batman                                                                            Green Lantern
Aquaman                                                                        Hourman
Wonder Woman                                                            Flash
Flash(Barry Allen)                                                         Sandman
Green Lantern(Hal Jordan)                                           Wonder Woman(Hippolyta)
Martian Manhunter                                                       Johnny Thunder w/Thunderbolt
Green Arrow                                                                    Dr. Midnight
Black Canary                                                                   Hawkman
The Atom(Ray Palmer)                                                  The Atom
Firestorm                                                                          Dr. Fate
Elongated Man                                                               Wildcat
Zatanna                                                                            Starman

Hawkman was a hard choice since he was technically in both groups, so I decided to stick him with the JSA instead.
Also, no Earth-2 versions of Batman, Superman, Black Canary, or Wonder Woman in this one. Except for the Hippolyta version of WW okay?

The setting: pick your random bad guy who specializes in heavily influencing/taking over people's minds, and that's who's responsible for this contest. Both teams are put into the mindset that they have to win at all costs, or else......and go!

Both teams line each other up and prepare battle strategies on the fly, as each team notices the number of combatants on each roster is even. With that the respective big guns of both teams go at it, as GL fights GL, Flash for Flash, Atom for Atom,etc.
Superman is admittedly at a disadvantage since his major weakness is magic; something both Dr.Fate, GL(alan scott), Johnny Thunder, and the Spectre both utilize. With that both teams assault each other real hardcore-like; no time for mercy in this bout!

At the end of the 1st round, Black Canary, GA, Elongated Man are down for the JLA, as is Hourman(he's only going to last an hour. The battle rages on much longer than that. poor Rex) the GA Atom, Sandman, Dr. Midnight for the JSA.
The next round has both teams licking their respective wounds in time for the next assault.

At the end of the 2nd round Zatanna, Atom, Aquaman, and eventually Firestorm fall next. Hawkman and Starman soon after. Now it's a race to see how to keep Johnny Thunder's T-bolt from zapping the remaining JLAers, which is a real threat considering how he's a genie that can do anything. Not to mention, how do you keep the Spectre off the field? He also can do anything, including winning the whole fight by himself. I'll be completely honest, I don't know how the JLA would neutralize ol' spooky, but I'm sure Batman with Zatanna's help does it, right before Doc Fate takes her out.

At the end, it'll come down to this:

JLA                                                     JSA
Superman                                          GA GL
Batman                                              GA Flash
WW                                                   GA WW
Flash                                                  Dr. Fate
Green Lantern

GL vs. GL to the end, Flash vs. Flash with Barry just beating Jay(Barry's faster folks) and WW vs. WW. The mother vs. daughter fight would be awesome! Imagine the fury these two posses. I'm going to give it to Diana on this one, as she has a slight edge over her mom in the fact that while her mom's studied warfare for thousands of years, she's rarely put that knowledge to use, unlike her daughter.  Hal vs. Alan would be a hell of a fight, but while Hal has overcome his weakness to yellow/fear, Alan's still vulnerable to wood. Instant wood attack by Hal gives him the hard-fought victory(yes I know wood attack does sound dirty).

From there Bats and Supes tag-team Dr.Fate, with the timely assist by Hal. After that, it's everyone vs. Dr. Fate. Dr. Fate is pretty much like the sorcereror supreme of his world, but even he has trouble fighting off super-speed attacks by all four JLA members. His only recourse is to somehow free the Spectre, and by doing so is taken out, leaves a battle-weary JLA to fight one pissed-off spirit of God's wraith! He takes all 4 out without even realizing what he's done. He's single-handedly taken out the JLA!
Winner: The Spectre(and technically the JSA)
Didn't see Spectre coming back did ya?

2). JLA vs. The Authority

JLA                                                                   Authority
Superman                                                         Jenny Sparks
Flash(barry allen)                                            The Doctor
Green Lantern(hal jordan)                              The Engineer
Batman                                                              Midnighter
Wonder Woman                                              Apollo
Aquaman                                                          Swift
Martian Manhunter                                        Jack Hawksmoor

The JLA go one-on-one with the Authority in this one, as each analog character fights each other:
Batman vs. Midnighter
Superman vs. Apollo
Flash vs. Swift
Aquaman vs. Jack Hawksmoor
Green Lantern vs. The Engineer
Martian Manhunter vs. The Doctor
Wonder Woman vs. Jenny Sparks

Superman vs. Apollo- These two are an even match for each other, except for the fact that Apollo won't hasitate to kill;Superman will. They battle each other all over the planet, and then take it into outer space. Apollo doesn't have to breathe or sleep or eat, but Supes can't breathe in outer space.  Will Apollo keep Supes from returning to Earth so he can breathe, or will he let him breathe air again? It could go either way on that one, but I'll say this time out of 10, Apollo blasts Supes back to Earth in a fiery blaze. Apollo can't recharge, and neither can Superman, so Apollo goes into attack mode kill,
Superman throws all he has like he did against Doomsday, and come out on top. He'll likely collapse after this, but he'll win. Apollo will curse himself for showing mercy right before blacking out.


Batman vs. Midnighter- These guys are also evenly matched, except for ther fact that the Midnighter has implants that let's him think a hundred or more fight scenerios ahead of the other guy. Batman would have to figure out Midnighter's got implants and figure out how to shut them down. I'm giving this to Batman, of course. He's already fought someone like Middy in Prometheus before, as well as the Taskmaster in the Marvel Universe, so this should be familiar territory to him.
He'll be sore as hell, and maybe even crippled again, but he'll he emerge as the victor.

Flash vs. Swift- This fight's over reaaaal quick! Barry outruns and outthinks Swift, and ko's her at super-force speeds just because he can. Next.

Aquaman vs. Jack Hawksmoor- This fight actually goes a ways, but like Swift, Jack too falls to a JLA member.

Wonder Woman vs. Jenny Sparks- WW has to look out for Jenny's electrical strike attacks. If too many bolts connect, Diana's done for, but with the combo of her super-speed, flight, and super-strength(not to mention her unbreakable lasso)WW wins this fight.

Green Lantern vs. The Engineer- Hal's got his hands full with this one! He'll probably flirt with her, and then she'll send hundreds and hundreds of duplicates of herself after him. She may have nano-machines in her body as an edge, but Hal's got one of the most powerful weapons in any universe: The GL Power Ring! Hal wins this one, while still thinking how cute the Engineer looks under all that machinary.

Martian Manhunter vs. The Doctor- This one should have the Doctor all over this, and for most of the fight it does. After all when you can wrap reality and your opponent is a telepath, then you should logically be able to fuck his world up right?
He does, but MM sends numerous mind-blasts the Doctor's way as well as some well placed martian vision eye-blasts. This is all a diversionary tactic to get inside the good doctor's head and make him think he's reliving a drug overdose. MM collapses, as the rest of the JLA converge on the Doctor while he's in a trance, they attack at super-quick speed, and ko his ass.
Winner: JLA

Tommorrow I'll conclude the Fight Fantasy bout as the JLA faces the Squadron Supreme......

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that 17 years ago, the music world/industry lost a pioneer. Today's the 17th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death from suicide. He was credited with leading the Grunge music movement with his band Nirvana, and alongside Pearl Jam's Eddie Vetter, ruled the Grunge scene until his death. It's weird to realize that you're older than Kurt Cobain when he died, and how much older you'll be if he had lived. How many of us wished he could've just called his manager or bandmates, and been talked out of what he did to himself and his family.  He'll continue to missed.

Kurt Cobain

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