"Does whatever a Spider can..."

Well folks, today's post is a very special one for me. It's my 150th blog post, and I'm pretty psyched by it.
I wasn't too sure it was going to happen what with the computer troubles and all, but here I am, and here you all go: My 150th skit. Enjoy.

-Both stare at an apartment building in New York.

Spider-Man: "Hey, wanna' play rocks, paper, scissors to see who gets to bang MJ first?"

Black Spidey: "Sure, why not. It's been a slow day anyway."

-Both play rocks, paper, scissors.

Black Spidey: "Ha, I win!"

Spider-Man: "Damn, not again!"

Spider-Man: "So what are you gonna' do to her?"

Black Spidey: "That's for me to know and you to find out S-man. Ha! Anal man, strictly anal."

Spider-Man: "I'm know I'm going to regret this, but why anal?"

Black Spidey: "Because I'm a Backdoor-Man, that's why."

                       Spider-Man: "TMI dude, TMI!"


The end.


And now for some extras:

           -Both men stare down at the sight down below.

                       Black Spidey: "Flip ya' for the Teen Titan cutie who's playing street pizza down there?"

               Spidey: "Okay."

"Silicon parts were made for toys"

And now for a skit that should've been already done because the very idea's so obvious if anyone really thinks about it for a second. But then that could just be me because I'm perverted like that. Enjoy.

Toyman: "Why is it that everybody thinks that just because my name is the Toyman, they assume I also make sex toys?"

       -Thinks about it for a minute

                                         Toyman: "Oh yeah, now I see it. Well, I guess I better get to work on that Owl-bot vibrator for Superwoman then. I don't get why an owl, but the customer's always right I supose."

"I'm not that innocent"

Today's skit features Alex Ross's favorite superhero Firestorm(cue sarcasm) and his really other favorite suphero, Captain Marvel/Shazam. Let's see what trouble these two get into shall we?

Firestorm: "Let me get this straight, so basically you're a 10 year-old boy stuck in the body of a ridiculously super-powered, full-grown man right?"

Captain Marvel: "Basically, yeah."

                           Firestorm: "So then you're like a fucked up version of the movie BIG. And you say that you got your powers by a dirty old man who lives in a tunnel underneath the subway?"

                          Captain Marvel: "Uh yeah, but I don't think I like where you're going with this."

                          Firestorm: "Dude, that's just totally fucked up right there!"

                          Captain Marvel: "No it's not you pervert! It's completely innocent and wholesome."

                              Firestorm: "Whatever you say Brittany Spears. I'm just saying, you're lucky you got super-powers and not raped, plus a one-time ad on a milk carton."

                             Captain Marvel: "Oh, because being a walking nuclear reactor who shares body with a unemployed physics professor is so much better right?"

   

                             Firestorm: "Talk to the hand because the hand doesn't talk back!"

"When a Blind man cries"

Spider-Man: "Hey DD, can I ask you a question that's always been bugging me?"

Daredevil: "Sure man, why not?"

Spider-Man: "You're sure that you lost your eyesight due to a chemical spill, and nothing else?"

Daredevil: "Of course! What the hell kind of question is that!? I told you that radioactive waste splashed into my eyes, blinding me."

Spider-Man: "Okay, okay. Sorry just checking is all. I just ask since there's other ways of becoming blind."

Daredevil: "Such as?"

Spider-Man: "You know, the other way, Masturbation."

Daredevil: "Spidey, sometimes you take the comedy too far."

Spider-Man: "Ain't I a stinker though?"

"He's got legs...and he knows how to use them"

Normally I would've waited until Monday to post this, but what the fuck, I was feeling bored and antsy(who says antsy anymore?). I've been working like a mad scientist on getting enough quality pics to fit the skits I've already written down I just hadn't gotten the pics to go along with them. Problem solved for about 85 to 90% of them. But don't worry faithful viewers because I have at least a week or two of skits(if I space them out right) worth of material already edited and ready to go.

Whew, that was a mouthful.

Alright, enough with the boring speech and on with the show:

*On a side note, nice title huh? You'll soon see why I picked the altered title based off a ZZ Top song, "She's got legs." And of course, you'll finally see the skit where I got those funky pics from for Thursday's post.

Trigon: "Sign"

Robin: "Trigon? What the heck happened to you?"

Trigon: "Go away, I don't want to talk about it okay?"

                Robin: "But you're missing an arm, and hey, those aren't your legs! What gives?"

                  Trigon: "Gee, nothing gets past you does it Nancy Drew?"

Robin: "Hey, there's no reason to be such a grouch about it."

Trigon: "Sorry, you're right. It's just that the asshole who bought me couldn't be bothered to buy the rest of the figures required to finish building me, thus explaining why I look such a hot mess, as you kids say."

*Side note: If Trigon happens to have a credit card handy, I'll be more than happy to finish him off(that didn't sound right).Until then he should be grateful he's not like the rest of the unfinished C&C's that can't even bitch or moan about their current situation. Thank you.

Robin: "Man that really sucks!"

Trigon: "Yeah, no shit sherlock! And to make things worse, there's no spare arms around that fit since they're all lefties. But at least I have legs."

Robin: "Hey, aren't those the Anti-Monitor's legs?"

Trigon: "Yeah, but I miss my own legs. For some weird reason I have an insatiable craving for whole worlds and multiverses. Crazy shit I tell you, and that's coming from someone who looks like the Devil and Bambi's dad fucked and out came me."

Robin: "That...that...just blew my mind and wrecked my childhood memories of Bambi all in one shot. Gee, thanks."

Fun With Pictures

Hey folks and welcome to an  unveiling of  a new disaster piece.
Before the new official sketch based off these pictures gets its proper debut, I was feeling suddenly creative(wasted) and started messing around with the aforementioned pics, and then this stuff came out.

You are forewarned to the sick sorts of test photos that emerged from this creative session.
So don't blame me if you happen to piss, shit, or spew liquids from your bodies while looking at these.

Enough with the court-mandated warning, and on to the show, Fun With Pictures WTF!? Edition:

"You know, Skid Row was right; It really is just wasting time."

"Just, just dance, it'll be okay. Spin that record baby, and just dance."

"Did you bring the condoms this time?"

"Whoops, sorry."

"Fill my eyes, with that double vision. There's no disguise, for that double vision."

"You got my money bitch? You have enough money to buy a fake mustache, but you can't pay me back my money?"

"Kind of bright in here isn't it?"

"No, seems fine in here to me."

"I tried to get you your half of everything Bob, but your ex-wife's lawyer is a real bitch! She really did want an arm and a leg."

In the Spiritual Mosh pit

"Bounce! pogo, pogo, pogo, pogo, bounce!"

"I said no more teabags Larry! If I get caught doing it one more time, Mr. Wayne's gonna' fire my ass!"

"For the last time, no sex in the champagne room!"

Well I hope you all enjoyed these little bits of heaven, because I sure had fun making 'em.

Have a good weekend people.

"Dude, where's my trident?"

Aquaman: "Prince Namor, it's sure been awhile."
Namor: "Yes it has King of Atlantis."

Aquaman: "We're not really going through this again are we?"

Namor: "No, I just find it funny that we're both relatively kings of our respective Atlantises is all. By the way, nice trident."

Aquaman: "What, this old thing? It's practically an heirloom."
Namor: "Yes I see that. It does seem to have that antiquated, but showy, Liberace look to it."

Aquaman: "Showy?"
Namor: "Yes, it, as the surface-dwellers are so fond of saying, looks fucking gay!"

Aquaman: "What!? I just don't see it. Here you hold this and see how gay it looks Mr. Spock."
Namor: "Oh alright, if you insist."

Namor: "Seriously Arthur, this looks extremely phallic and homoerotic! I want it!"

Aquaman: "I thought you just said it looked gay."
Namor: "Yeah, well I just didn't want you to have it is all. Since I'm the older of the two of us, I should have this."

Aquaman: "Like Hell! besides, you just want to to trade tridents because your's is smaller."
Namor: "As we true Atlantians say, Fuck You!"






So folks, did you enjoy that one?
I'll admit some if these sound a lot better at first, but then seem to fizzle out upon writing them down. That's why from here on out, I promise better, funnier strips.

As a way of making amends, how about a quick viewing of the outtakes from this strip? Everybody loves cut scenes, so what the hell. Enjoy.

Aquaman: "Oh, hello Leonard Nimoy. I didn't know you were supposed to show up.
Namor: "You idiot! I'm Namor!"
Aquaman: "Oops, sorry. You both look so alike and everything it's hard to tell the difference.

-CUT!

Namor: "Yes my precious! Finally we're united again!"
Aquaman: "What the hell are you talking about man? That's not in the script."

-CUT!

Namor: "What the hell kind of shirt is that? Is that FUBU?"
Aquaman: "What? No, and what the hell is a FUBU? Is that some kind of sea-monster in your world?"

CUT!