I Heart Ann Curry

A quickie , but a goody today folks!

Spider-Man: "Hey Hulk, why so sad big guy?"

Hulk-Grundy: "Hulk-Grundy sad because Ann Curry is no longer the co-anchor of the Today Show. *Sign*"

Spider-Man: "But hey, at least Savannah Guthrie's gonna' take over. And she's not bad."

Hulk-Grundy: "No! Savannah Guthrie worse! Hulk-Grundy like Natalie Morales, but Ann Curry better! Hulk think about Ann Curry all the time!"

Spider-Man: "Well yeah, I guess Natalie Morales does look hotter than Savannah Guthrie, even though Natalie's had what, 1, 2 kids? She's still a fucking MILF man!"

Hulk-Grundy: "Ha ha, Hulk-Grundy love MILFs!"

Spider-Man: "Yeah, I bet you do big guy. I bet you do."

Hulk-Grundy: "But Hulk-Grundy still love Ann Curry. Hulk-Grundy hear Ann Curry like big penises, and Hulk-Grundy have one for her. That why Hulk-Grundy send pictures to Ann Curry of Hulk-Grundy's third arm. Ha ha."

Spider-Man:" Oh sweet Jeezus! I did not just hear that, because I do not want to be an accessory to a felony. Great! That's all I need is for Chris Hansen to stop by."

Ann Curry: "So I was looking through my mail, and I find this big package addressed to me. I was so curious that I opened it even though it was from a 'Hulk-Grundy'. I don't who that is, but I opened it anyways."

Matt Laurer: "So what was in there?"

Ann Curry: "It was....it was.... it was some pictures of what looked like a baby elephant's trunk!"

Matt: "Really? I wonder what that was all about."

Ann: "Yeah I know. I thought it was a prank from you, and the pictures were a mystery clue or something that was hinting that I was going to on an African safari or something."

Matt: "No, that wasn't from me."

Ann: "Well whoever it's from must know I'm a big elephant fan. I mean the size of the trunk was huge! Like this big!"

Matt: "Nice. No one sent me any packages. In fact the only exciting thing to happen to me in awhile was losing more hair and being hit by a deer. God I miss Katie Couric!"

Flair for the gold

Welcome to the first post of the new month. I promise to put on a hell of a show for you today,
so enjoy

Speaking of fun, you recognize this commercial?

Yeah I know, I know. God bless him though, as he's still going, living like it's 1986 and he's on top of the world. Of course if it really was 1986 again, that still wouldn't be enough time to for him to save up money to pay off  the millions.....and millions, he owes the in back taxes to the IRS. Sad but true.

Anyways, as is the custom here at the House of Fun, I parody the shit out these unintentionally funny commercials as only I can.

I dare you not to laugh.......

Trigon: "Whew! Man, looking for my other arm and leg is really taking a lot out of me. I need to drink some blood quick, or sacrifice some of those delightful crack babies everyone's raving about, because I am tired."

Things look bleak for Trigon until all of a sudden......

WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Ric Flair(God): "Woooooo! The souls of those poor little crack babies wouldn't drain themselves. Here, why don't you drink this energy shot and get that blood and demonic energy pumping again. It really puts the wooooooo! in my WOOOOOO!

Don't forget to to spay and neuter your kids! Wooooooo!"

Trigon: "I don't know what the hell that was all about, but now I'll be able to find the rest of me and conquer this pitiful planet and all its dimensions in no time. Thank you Ric Flair. You lovable broke bastard! Wooo indeed ."

Elsewhere we find.......

Iron Man: "Hic', Uh, uh, Harmpfhhfh! Oh, oh God! That was worse than the last one! G**damn Matt Fraction for costing me my hard-fought sobriety and making me a stinking drunk again! I swear, when I find him I'm going to repulsor blast his fucking face right off! Hurmph! 

Oh, uh, I think it just came out of both ends! Rhodey! Rhodey! Come quick and clean me up. I just had an accident in my suit. Oh, god the smell...."

And then all of a sudden.....

WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Iron Man: "Oh no!"

Ric Flair: "Wooooo! Hello Tony. Looks like you're in need of a serious pick me up champ."

Iron Man: "Oh Steve Jobs no! Not you again! Last time we partied together, you out drank me and stole all the women."

-It's true kids he did!

Ric Flair: "Here, drink my new and improved energy shot. One drink of my energy shot, and you'll be back to pounding those drinks hard , and pounding the women even harder. Wooooooo!"

Iron Man: "Well, fuck it! It's not like my day can get any worse right? Wait what was that? Reboot in the MU? Bendis leaving the Avengers? Noooooooooo!"

Elsewhere again......

Red Arrow: "Ughh man! I'm so wiped out from that last 48 hour Heroin binge while watching that Young Justice marathon, that I don't have enough energy left in me to shot up my last batch."

Then suddenly......

Wooooooooo!

Red Arrow: "Whaa!?"

Ric Flair: "Wooooo!  What's the matter little Brother, got Iced again? 

Red Arrow: "Uh yeah, you can say that."

Ric Flair: "Well don't worry, because the 16! 16! 16! 16! 16 time World Heavyweight champion of the world has got just the energy shot for you. After drinking a shot of this, you'll be ready to get back on the horse again. Woooooo!

Red Arrow: "Wow Ric Flair, thanks!"

Ric Flair: "That's right. Drink Ric Flair's energy shot. It puts the woooooo! in my Wooooooo!

Did I ever tell you how me and the 4 Horsemen used to party all night and party a little longer? Woooo! It's true brother."

Red Arrow: "Wait, you and 3 other guys used to do Heroine so much you named yourselves after it? Fuckin' Sweeeeet!"

Red Arrow: "Huh, what!? What the hell just happened? Oh man, I think I just hallucinated that Ric Flair was here. That's weird. Oh well, thanks to that little nap, I can get back to doing what I do best: Shooting......Heroin. Ha, you though I was gonna' say arrows huh? Suckers."

The WOOOOOOOOO! End.

"Angel of the morning"

Quickly counting down to my 200th post. I should reach that by the 1st or 2nd week of July, so yea me:)

If you're not familiar with today's title, you should be. It's from singer Juice Newton and her classic 80's hit "Angel of the morning." Duh!

Here's what it sounds like, just in case it doesn't quite ring a bell"

Not bad huh?

And she has a hell of a voice to boot! Oh and that name is fucking awesome. If she wasn't a singer, I'd swear she was a pornstar. "Juice" Newton indeed!

Hey just consider it my unofficial mission to enlighten and teach you good folks some musical history.
Your welcome.


And now on to today's skit. Enjoy bitches:)

Maash: "Oh my achin' heads! What the hell happened last night?"

Low: "Hey cutie! That was soooome night last night huh?"

Maash: "Uh yeah, yeah. My heads are still pounding! I think I drank way too much last night."

Low: "Well don't worry sexy, because my ass is sore too after the pounding you gave me."

(touching Maash's ass)

Maash: "Whaaaaat!? You can't be serious!? I'm not gay!"

Low: "Well you coulda fooled me sexy. Although after all that pillow-talk, you weren't saying much except how that was the best ****job you ever had, and how much you loved me. Don't you remember?"

Maash: "Duh! I was drunk man! I'm not gay either, so can we just forget last night ever happened, because I'd very much like too."

-Starts crying.

Low: "Sniff, mom always warned me about giving my heart and ass to a pretty face. And she was so right. Bwahhhhhh! Just call me Angel of the morning, angel. Just touch my cheek before you leave me, darling. Sob."

Extra:

Angel: "Is this thing on? Yeah, okay then. Yeah Angel, founding member of the X-Men here. And no I don't endorse this skit. It's not because of the Juice Newton-inspired title, because, hey, I like a little Juice Newton every no and then. And no, it's not because of the gays. Hey I like gay people. I even let a few of them design some of my last costumes obviously. Hell even Iceman's gay. Well, at least I think he is. It's hard to tell sometimes, so I'll just go with a yes to be on the safe side. 

No, I'm pissed because the title has Angel in it, but I'm not the main star of the skit. So, you guys should really be paying me royalties to use my name. And yes I did trademark the name "Angel", thus why I'm owed royalties. Hey I'm rich; I'm supposed to be a dick. Deal with it."

"Pets or Meat"

If you've ever watched the Michael Moore documentary on the unemployment crisis in Flint, Michigan like I have then you'll know where the title to this post came from:)

Here's the clip in question, from the documentary Roger and Me:

Hey don't look at me, I wasn't the one that did that to the poor bunny:(

Anyways here's a more light-hearted take on Animal rights.
Enjoy!

The Hunter: "I loves ya' Kelly ol' gal. Ever since I ate ol' Bessy, I've been hankerin' for a hunk of sweet, sweet moo patties."

Kelly: "Moo, moo? Moooo!"

Animal Man: "Hold on citizen! Meat is murder!

The Hunter: "Awww shoot! Not this horse-shit again. Nawww you hold on there city-slicker. I can's do what I want 'cause own this here steer ya' hear?"

The Hunter: "Now what'cha goin' do about that mister?"

Animal Man: "How tall are you?"

The Hunter: "The hell does it matter? How long's a piece of string? Too Got-damn long that's what!"

Animal Man: "Hmm. Good enough."

Animal Man kicks the hunter.

-Yeah I know it looks horrible, but I couldn't very well take a good picture of Animal Man kicking the poor bastard since the A-Man figure had an annoying tendency to fall over when he's only balanced on one foot. So work with me here people.

Hunter: "Aggggh!"

Animal Man: "I hope he wasn't a midget, because I'd hate to have think I'd just committed a hate crime."

Animal Man: "Let's go Kelly. We can get a nice tofu wrap or you know, whatever you're in the mood for. That sound good to you?"

Kelly: "Mooooo!"

Animal Man: "Ha ha ha. You said a mouthful."

Hunter: "Ughhhhh! I think I'ma gonna' retire from this here skit business. Ughhhh!"

Pop-Life: Best of the Brits

Hey people.

For today's post, I wanted to do something a little different, and use another part of my brain that I don't exercise too much when it comes to this blog: Music, specifically, talking about the types of music I really enjoy.

So today, I thought I'd I do a little quick piece about some of my favorite British bands to come out of the 90's, and the musical movement/genre they inspired called Britpop.

Here's a quick rundown of  my 5 favorite Brisitsh bands to come out of the 90's that I enjoyed(and still do) listening to:


1). Blur

One of my favorite Brit bands to come out of the 90's, Blur definitely changed how I saw and heard music. With hits like "Boys and Girls", "Song2", "Coffee and TV", "The Universal", and "Parklife", Blur led the Britpop movement and influenced countless bands and singers along the way, and were only truly rivaled by the band, Oasis. I remember when I first heard "Boys and Girls." Fucking crazy, awesome song that one is. You just have to love the beat and weird musical effects they throw in that one. But as far as actual albums, my first was 13, which came out in 1999. With songs like "Trimm Trab", "Coffee and TV", and "No distance left run"(feel like that now) they cemented a permanent place in my heart and cd collection. Not to mention, this album and Silverchair's Neon Ballroom were the soundtracks of my life at that time, as they both came along with me as I traveled for the 1st time out of the small town I live in now, out with my Uncle Dale(yes, he's the reason why I'm named Dale. I blame him and my mom) all the way to Virginia. Sweet 18 indeed!

I bought Blur's next album, after that, their Best of, which I highly recommend if you're even the slightest bit interested in them. This album has all their hits, and even includes a bonus live album. Good, good stuff.

They officially broke up for good in 2009, and lead singer Damon Alburn's in a little band you might have heard of called The Gorillaz. So while they all left and went their separate ways Blur always be a top ranked Britpop band to me.

2). Oasis

Ahh, the Gallagher brothers. Even though they were heavily influenced by the Beatles(and that's not a bad thing), they acted more like the Rolling Stones than anything else, as stories of the brothers' infamous drunken brawling, both on- and off-stage, made for some nice tabloid articles.  I didn't care about all that though, as that's just part and parcel of the rock n' roll lifestyle. No, I was more into what really mattered to me, the music. I first became aware of Oasis in 1995, when their smash hits "Wonderwall", and "Don't look back in anger." I'd heard about the comparisons to the Beatles, and how they were nothing but a Beatles' cover band and all that shit, but really, no one can be the Beatles, EXCEPT the Beatles. Yes, Oasis certainly did show through song titles and arrangements how much they were influenced by the Beatles, but that's about it. "Supersonic", and "Champagne Supernova" were next, and I was really getting into them then. And then by 1999, Standing on the shoulders of giants came out, and I was really hooked! I bought the CD, despite only really knowing and liking one song, "Go let it out", but wound up loving the entire album.

Did I mention the Gallaghers liked to fight? and not just each other? As I stated earlier, in the minds of the public and music critics alike, only a band like Blur were viewed  as the only true rivals for the hearts, minds, and wallets of customers.  So much so were they rivals, that when Blur's single "Country House" beat out Oasis's single "Roll with it" in August of '95, Noel Gallagher was later quoted  in September of that same year that he hoped "Damon Albarn and Alex James of Blur would "catch AIDS and die". Crazy huh?


Oasis would later break up in 2009, the same year as Blur. Interesting .


3). Radiohead

While not intrinsically linked with the Britpop movement, Radiohead's still one of the most popular and politically outspoken bands in the UK. Led by vocalist Thom Yorke, Radiohead's proved to be one of those really musically diverse and experimental bands. Radiohead really became popular in the 90's, with their first smash hit "Creep." I really liked one, as it slowly, but surely started to get me interested in the band.Then came "Fake Plastic Trees."I first heard and thought it was alright, but wasn't too impressed by it. It was featured in the popular teen movie Clueless, but again, it was alright, but not as good as their later material. That would be their 1997 album and my personal favorite of theirs, OK Computer. 


Every song from top to bottom is just fantastic, from "Airbag" to "The Tourist" just comes alive with such energy and computer-effect driven propulsion. I first got introduced to this album by first watching the video to Paranoid Android. It's a crazy fucking video, that's right up my alley in weirdness and graphic displays of animated sex and violence.


Here, I'll show you:

Of course not content to rest on their success, they followed that up with Kid A and Hail to the Thief. I liked Kid A, but nowhere near as much as Ok Computer. The last hit single I enjoyed from Radiohead lately was "House of cards." It just has a great beat and all-around sweet, sweet arrangement. Radiohead will always have a place in music collection, and they should have a little place in yours as well.


Wow, that just sounded like something from one of those kids from Reading Rainbow. You know, the one  that used to pimp books that they had just read to other kids? Crazy.


4). The Verve

Yes the Verve, known world-wide for the biggest, and probably only hit, "Bittersweet Symphony. If you were anywhere around a TV or radio in 1997 when this song came out, than odds are you heard it, got tired of it, heard some more, and the got really sick of it. I remember hearing the song, then watching them perform live at a concert on MTV. That performance really influenced me to go out and buy the their album. Ahh Bittersweet Symphony, I personally love the song, and funny video that has lead singer Richard  Ashcroft just bumping into people on the street, walking on top of cars, and knocking people over without giving a fuck. Funny, funny shit, that I'd like to do myself.....if I had no manners or regard for anybody's else's health..or mine.


Of course the rest of the very album that spawned Bittersweet Symphony, Urban Hymns, is every bit as good as the hit single in my mind. Sure most of them are kind of downbeat or straight up downers, but they still great. Of course the true irony for the band having a hit called Bittersweet Symphony, is that due to the fact that they heavily sampled the main backing beat/chorus from the Rolling Stone, the British courts ruled in favor of the 'Stones, and awarded full rights and royalties to them. Yeah, like they need the money. Bittersweet indeed. I haven't checked up on them in good while, but recently found that they too broke up in '09. WTF is up with that year? Has that year been deemed the universally agreed upon time to break up if you were in a hit band in the 90's?


5).Travis

Most of you are probably, going who? No this isn't a singer in the same vain as Prince or Madonna. Nope this is the popular British band Travis. While technically referred to as a post-Britpop band, that doesn't make this band any less relevant in my eyes.


I first heard this group while in one my favorite comic book stores in Columbia, SC, Heroes and Dragons. (Free plug guys!:) It was here of all places, that I heard the group for the first time while digging through the comic bins. Someone in the back was either a big fan or just happened to have their album handy, because it played all the way through, from beginning to end. This album was their 2nd, and the one to really get the band noticed. It was their 1999 release, The Man Who. And no, I don' know who the man is or what he did, but I do know after hearing the whole thing, I wanted more. I eventually found out who the band's name was, and from what album those wonderful songs came from. It was this album, and yes, I quickly snatched it up. The major hit to come out of this album "Why does it always rain on me?" is what got my attention, but then listening to other songs like "Writing to reach you", "Turn", and "She's so strange" kept it.


They followed that up 2001's The Invisible Band, which featured such hits like "Sing" and "Flowers in the window". I kind of stopped following them after that, as 2001 was a very crazy year for me. Remind to explain in this blog later. But yeah, I'd highly recommend giving them Travis a listen. I'm a sucker for songs with melody, sweaping lines and choruses, and amazing back beats. Not to mention vocals. My god does singer Fran Healy(no, he's a dude people!) have a beautiful voice!


The band's still chugging along, and still putting out records, even as recent as 2010. And singer Fran Healy put out a solo album that same year. I need to go check that out on the internet.




So there, that's my little stroll down memory lane with these Britpop bands, and what they mean to me.
I highly suggest giving them a shot, just in case you already haven't. They're not bad, I promise.

Hulk Love Kitty

Whew! Can't believe it's almost the end of the month already. Where the hell does the time go?

Speaking of time, it's time for a short skit involving the Hulk and Cheetah, as I attempt to answer what the Hulk does when he's lonely.

Enjoy!

Hulk-Grundy: "Here Kitty, kitty. Hulk-Grundy like nice kitty."

Cheetah: "Oh God, here we go again! Ahem, This is the 3rd time this week, aren't you tired of me yet handsome?"

Hulk-Grundy: "Haw, haw. No, Hulk-Grundy like nice kitty. Hulk-Grundy want to pet nice kitty again and again until she purrs."

Cheetah: "Pet me, pay me! Let's see some cash, and I'll let you pet my ass got it?"

Hulk-Grundy: "Sigh. Okay, Hulk-Grundy broke, but Hulk-Grundy go find ATM now. Nice Kitty stay here and Hulk-Grundy be right back."

Cheetah: "You'd better or no petting, and no making me purr! Now hurry up and go make Kitty happy."

Cheetah: "Wow! Solomon Grundy sure has gotten a lot dumber lately, even for him. And why is he calling himself Hulk-Grundy?"

Extra Scene:

Hulk-Grundy: "Can pretty kitty make change for a $20?"

Cheetah: "Can I what!? What type of girl do you think I am you cheap bastard? Come back when you have more money to spend on me than a lousy 20 bucks!"

Cheetah: "I swear to God if he wasn't so hung, I'd stay away from the big dumb retard!"

Just.....damn!

It's like they say,"Pimpin' ain't easy", and nether is whoring obviously.

Fire Hazard

Just to get you guys in the mood for today's skit, I provided a little soundtrack that'll get you in the right frame of mind, courtesy of the Ohio Players and their hit single "Fire". So sit back and take a listen.

Don't mind me, I'll wait for ya'.

Okay, you ready? Good.

Firestorm: "Uh, should we be you know, standing next to each other? I figured we both might blow up or something if we're standing too close together."

Pyro: "Bugger if I care mate. That's why I'm a super-villain, so's I don't have to follow any bleeding rules or orders as such. Like my dad used to say, No rules, just right!"

Firestorm: "Uh, I think that's the slogan for Outback Stackhouse you're referring to."

Pyro: "You calling me ol' man a Jack of tall tales? That he ain't dinkum? You bloody angora! I outta' burn ya' damn lips off!"

Firestorm: "What the hell are you talking about? And who's a jack a what? And I'm pretty sure I don't have an angora; I have a penis thank you very much. Although now that I think about it, I do have an Aunt Flora... I think. Anyways, learn to speak English man! Maybe that's why you get into so many fights."

Pyro: "Piss off ya' bloody wanker!"

Captain Atom: "Hey guys what's up?"

Firestorm: "Okay, now we should be worried."

Bonus Scene:

Firestorm: "Hey! Those are mine! Give 'em back!"

Captain Atom: "Sorry soldier but I just bought a timeshare for these babies, and I aim to get my money's worth."

Firestorm: "Doh!"

So how'd I do Dan? I think I'm slowly, but surely getting the hang of Australian slang. Of course being able to look this shit up on the internets(yes internets for you Prince fans) makes things super easy for me.

One of the words I just happened to see, is Liquid Laugh. That's Aussie slang for vomiting/puking. I had a good laugh myself off of that one.

Speaking of puking, here's a funny little embrassing personal story of mine:

I was in 4th grade at the time, and me and some classmates were talking about different colored-boobs. Yeah I know, real highbrow stuff for a 10 yr-old. Don't ask me how we got on that topic but we did. So we all start to get really ridiculous by just calling out different colors of boobs, again real highbow stuff here.

So I start laughing, and laughing, all while eating big bites of pizza in-between all this. Well I laugh so hard, I forget to swallow, and I start choking. The really messed up part is, I was laughing and choking at the same time, because for some fucked up reason, I was too damn amused by the image of different-colored breasts, to stop and deal with me choking. So from there I proceeded to puke, and I mean puke hardcore, all the while I'm still laughing my ass off! Everybody at the table scattered like roaches when you turn on the lights, and quickly moved away from the colorful, liquid pyrotechnics shooting out of my mouth. What's funny is they were  both disgusted, yet were laughing at me, and I was laughing at myself and the brightly-colored boobs too!

After that a kind custodian saw what was going on, took me outside, and performed the Heimlich maneuver on me.

I was fine after that, and even got a free 2nd lunch to boot. And you know what? I still laughed even after all that. Yeah, what can I say, I was a silly ,stupid kid back then, except now I'm just a silly, stupid man.

And that was one of many adventures I had while doing the liquid laugh. Literally!

Have a good weekend folks, and please don't laugh and puke at the same time. It's not for everyone!