Top 10: Comic Villains With Mustaches

Happy Hump Day People!!!!!!

So here's a random topic: Mustaches.
Done right, they can look epic and iconic, much like one of the key saints of Mustaches, Tom Selleck

Take a bow Magnum.

And done wrong, they're wrong really, really wrong. Like creepy pedophile wrong.

Yeah, don't be that guy.

And of course we all know the overplayed cliche way of spotting the villain in any story right?

Just look for the evil douche bag who's manically twirling his mustache.

Maybe's it a tic. Maybe he does that when he gets super-excited or nervous.

Who knows, and who cares because we all they're fucking evil right?

Right.

Well today, I've compiled a list of the Top Ten evil comic villains who just that; twirl that mustache like their lives depend on it.

Now at first I thought of at least 5 off the top of my head, so I was originally only going to do a Top 5 list. But the more I thought about all the bad guys with mustaches, I quickly realized I'd have to up the list if I didn't want to leave any good villains out.

So without further ado-do, here's the Top 10 Comic villains with mustaches:

10). Hector Hammond

 

I'd like to think he's laughing at how shitty that Green Lantern movie turned out, even though in my opinion, he and Sinestro( another evil mustache-sporting baddie) were two of that abortion's saving graces...besides the part where the credits roll that is.

Still for better or worse, the movie did seem to capture Hector's inherent creepiness, as well as his evil 'stache.

Go bighead?

9). Abra Kadabra

Admit it; visually and conceptually he's one of the more ideal villains to come along and sport such an evil mustache like Abra does. And the more crazed he looks, the better and sinister, his mustache looks as well.

8). The Grey Gargoyle

Old Grey was one of the first longstanding Marvel villains to sport and keep his mustache. It just pulls the look together, especially when you take into account that he's an evil Frenchmen. Much like his brother from another mother coming up next.....

7). Batroc The Leaper

Face it folks, he was a natural shoe-in for this list the day he was born. 

Only a Frenchmen that vile, could ever grow and successfully keep a crazy 'stache like that for as long as he has. Too bad it wasn't deemed badass enough for his only movie appearance ever:(

6). Marvel's Dracula

Back in the 70's, Marv Wolfman and Gene Colan's Dracula was king. Inspired by actor Jack Palance, this version of Dracula sported an evil, pencil-thin mustache, presumably so Universal Pictures wouldn't be able to sue the shit out of Marvel for copyright infringement. 

If only it all possible copyright infringement lawsuits were always that easy to fix by adding or subtracting facial hair.

5). The Black Tarantula

I don't know why, but the mustache just pulls the overall look together, you know?

I've always liked the design, but the dastardly mustache just seals the deal for me.

4). The Leader

Whether his head's regular enlarged, or super-super-sized, his sweet-looking evil 'stache always stays the same. And no, he wasn't born with it, It's definitely Gamma-linne;)

3). Kraven The Hunter

Goddamn son! Now that's what you call a Mustache! Seriously, how is this guy not the new face of  those Old Spice commercials already?

2). The Mandarin

Can't have a list without this guy for damn sure. He's Marvel's true Fu Manchu rip-off that may be just as, if not more, popular than the guy he's a derivative of. Go villain named after a fruit.

1). Sinestro

Could't have said it better myself Thuule Sinestro. If Sinestro's not at the top off a list like this with his trademark evil 'stache, that's a list not worth compiling.

Thankfully past and present(and hopefully future) creators resist the urge to change or alter such a truly iconic look.

And here's the leftovers.....

Honorable Mentions:

5). The Wizard (DC)

This golden age villain most likely invented the evil mustached troupe that's still being used today, so you can probably thank him for it.  He used to be used a lot, fighting both the JSA and JLA, until Felix Faust replaced him as the De Facto evil magician/sorcerer guy. Probably.

4). Crazy Quilt

Look at that look on that guy's mug? Does he look high or what?

Ol' Crazy never lived down getting a one-on-one ass-beating by a young Robin, but at least his mustache never failed him even when his fashion and common sense did.

3). Steppenwolf (DC)

I'm sure Jack Kirby would be proud to see some of his New Gods represented on here. 

Or maybe not. Either way, this version, the Super Powers version Kirby himself designed, has managed to stick around longer than his original green-hued look, as it extends into the recent NU52-verse.

2). Wotan

I never got why a villainous, manipulative, and outright evil sum' bitch chose the German version and spelling of the Norse God Odin's name. But hey, evil fucking mustache all-over that mug though.

1). Hitler (Marvel)

And finally no list of evil bastards sporting an equally evil mustache is complete without including this world-class, Grade-A piece of shit.

Take a bow fuckwad! You made the scrap list.

And that's just the villain side of things. Wait till you see the heroes that sport Magnum PI-worthy mustaches.

O Father, Where Art Thou?

Wrote this awhile ago, but just recently made it....

The End

Well whatta' know; it's not even Christmas, and the Joker still got away;)

Head's Up!

The End

Yeah it kinda' helps make more sense if you read the second half of the awesomeness that was The Superior Foes of Spider-Man series by Nick Spencer.

So good. So, so good.

But basically Boomerang steals a rare portrait of Dr. Doom....maskless. From there he's on the run, playing the Chameleon and the Owl against each other in a bid to keep from getting killed by both crime bosses.

It's every bit as entertaining as it sounds, unless I just under-sold the whole thing....

So, Who Would Win?: Morbius The Living Vampire VS. Werewolf By Night

TGIT!!!!!


Damn. It's October already, and man has this year blown by fast or what? I don't know about you, but it just feels like the years just go by faster and faster. Of course if you're a big believer in Einstein's theory of relativity, then you'd say well it just feels like its going by faster.

Regardless, here we are in the month of October, where Fall is king and every cable channel with three initials in its name pimps their "31 Days of Halloween" spookerfests all-month long.

And why should yours truly, Mr. Morbid, be any different?

I'm going to attempt to maintain a horror theme running through as many of my columns as possible.
Whether or not I pull this off, will be fun to see I'm sure. But I'll try nonetheless.

First up, this week's edition of So, Who Would Win?

You know the game, so I'll get right to it and introduce you to today's combatants(which by reading the title of today's post, you should already know;)

Today I'm pitting two of Marvel's classic horror staples against each other, when Morbius The Living Vampire goes fang on claw with Jack Russell, Werewolf By Night.

This ain't Twilight folks! This is going to be a down and dirty, nasty as hell, bloody fight. No quarter asked, none given.

Morbius has most of the powers of a vampire, with very little of the weaknesses given the unusual circumstances that made him the way he is today.

So we're talking enhanced strength, flight, speed, agility, being able to hypnotize, the whole works.

Jack's no slough though. He too has incredible strength( he's gone toe to toe against the Hulk and Iron Man you know?) agility, speed, razor-sharp claws, a limited healing factor, and all the other powers you associate with werewolves.

So, here's my scenario:

Morbius hasn't fed in awhile. He's very, very hungry, and his blood-lust is all-consuming.

He's not so much weaker than usual, but he is VERY HUNGRY for blood/plasma. His survival instincts are at an all-time high, and he simply must feed no matter who sees him.

Enter Jack Russell.

He's known this night was coming for a while now, but it doesn't make it any easier. Doesn't make the pain of the transformations any easier, nor the results of what happens afterwards, especially when he stumbles across some poor fool that crosses his path while in werewolf form.

The full moon beckons to him like a pied piper, and he can't resist the call any longer.
Finally he stops fighting it, and surrenders to the hungry beast within.



Stepping out fully transformed, he goes out search of something or someone to quench his the ever growing hunger that gnaws at him endlessly.

He quickly notices he's being watched and hunted. It's Morbius, the living vampire, and his hunger rivals the beasts.

They lock eyes and then the shit is on!

So,

Morbius The Living Vampire

VS.

Jack Russell, Werewolf By Night

Who Wins and Why?
I'd love to hear who you think makes it out this one as the last Marvel monster standing.

That's it for this week. Have a good weekend people.