The Crying Game

Hey People, What's up?

Today I got a funny skit that's fresh off the presses. I mean this shit's red hot!


Enjoy:)

Namor: "Run Surface-Dwellers! Run for your miserable lives! Know that this day you've incurred the wraith of Namor the Sub-Mariner, prince and son of Atlantis!"

-Surface-dwellers run for their fucking lives!

Iron Man: "Hey Namor. How's it hanging Captain Spock?"

Namor: "I'll never understand your surface slang, but if you must know Stark, I shall flood your city and wipe out the entire lot of you insufferable surface-dwellers!"

Iron Man: "What for this time? And it better be good"

Namor: "Because the Son of Atlantis has been besmirched most foul! I, and I alone, should rightfully be the next villain to face the Avengers in the sequel, not that poor man's Darkseid lunatic, Thanos."

Iron Man: "But you're a good guy, a hero. Well you are technically, especially if you go ahead an ignore that whole Avs.X debacle. Besides, why would you want to play a villain anyway? You know you'll just lose anyway."

Namor: "Trust me, a role's a role. Ever since Obamacare started, I've had to shell out some major doubloons to cover my loyal subjects' healthcare costs. And daddy needs to make some serious bank, as you surface-dwellers say."

Iron Man: "Uh, Obamacare huh? But you're a king, why in the hell would Obamacare matter to you?"

Namor: "It does for the purpose of this skit you fool!"

Iron Man: "Fair enough."

Namor: "Besides, I'm much more talented and handsome than that silly human Tom Middleton anyway. That talent-less hack can suck on my Atlantean Balls!"

Iron Man: "Yeah, that's a pleasant mental image. Yeesh!"

Namor: "Besides, I was going to takeover the surface world next Tuesday anyway."

Iron Man: "Gotcha. But seriously though, do you even have any acting experience?"

Namor: Fool! Of course Prince Namor does."

-Namor flashes back to his prior movie "experience."

Director: "Alright we need to stay on budget and knock this last scene out. C'mon Subby baby. I know we've been here for hours but we're almost done. Let's get that money shot okay? Places everyone, and action!"

Grip Boy: "Slippery When Wet money shot scene, take 25! Action!"

Random porn guy: "Hello, I have a package for a Imma Queerbait. You---Sweet Larry Flynn! Dear Penthouse, it all started out innocently one day..."

Namor: "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and damn right it's better than yours; damn right it's better than yours..... Wahhhh, wahhh, huhh."

Director: "This is great! Keep going Subby-baby! Don't go soft on me now!

Close up on Namor man, close up!"

Random porn guy:"Ohh, your skins' so soft!"

-Namor cries due to shame for having to do porn to make it in Hollywood.

Iron Man: "So, have I seen any of our movie lately?"

Namor: "Nope, don't think so. Dear Poseidon I hope not. *Sob*"

Ha ha! Now when you read that faux-porn scene this is how I imagine it going down:

And the kicker? The background music to the whole thing is either the Culture Club's "Do you really want to hurt me?" or Boy George's solo hit, "The Crying Game."

You decide.

I'm outta' here.........

Return of the slap!

Monday already? Damn where does the month go?

Today's episode features Elongated Man, who's busting his appearance cherry here @the House, and good ol' reliable Captain Cold.

Enjoy!

-Captain Cold flees the scene of a recent bank robbery in Midway City....

Captain Cold: "Ha ha! That was the easiest score of my life; almost too easy. I need to get the fuck outta' dodge before some stupid do-gooder gets in my way."

-All of a sudden that elastic hero, Elongated Man shows up.

Elongated Man:"Whoa, where you going Cold?"

Captain Cold: "Away from you to enjoy my hard-earned money and some loose women. Now step aside Hero!"

EM: "Now you know I can't do that! That's a direct no-no from the superhero code-book."

Captain Cold: "Have it your way Sherlock, but get ready to find out just how fucking brittle rubber gets when its frozen solid."

EM: "Sure, sure. I think we all watched the that first Fantastic Four movie and found out the answer to that one genius. But before you start blasting, can I ask you a question first?"

Captain Cold: "What, you gonna' beg out of this one Ralphy-boy?"

EM: "No, I just wanted to ask you a quick question."

Captain Cold: "Oh this'll be good. Sure pal, what is it?"

EM: "What did the five fingers say to the face?"

Captain Cold: "What? You're really asking me that? Wait, I'm sure I know this one."

Captain Cold: "Is-*"

EM: "Slap!"

EM: "Ha ha. I'm the Elongated Man, bitch!"

Captain Cold: "Uhhh."

Come on people, you have to know where that's from.
If not, maybe this will refresh your memory:

COLD BLOODED!!!!!!!:)

"Careful with that ax, Commissioner!"

I'm only doing this because I love you guys,
so yes, it's a special weekend edition of the House.

I was thinking about what kind of skit to do with my Commissioner Gordon figure and the Joker, and then thought up this little chestnut.

Enjoy!

The Joker: "Careful with that ax, Commissioner! Ha ha ha ha!"

Commissioner Gordon: "And exactly how long have you been waiting to say that line Joker?"

The Joker: "About as long as it took you to find your groove with that ax, commish!"

Commissioner Gordon: "Funny guy huh? I see Gotham's just full of you comedians lately."

The Joker: "Nope. I killed them all tee hee. It's official, I'm the last of the mohicans. Ha ha!"

                                                    Commissioner Gordon: "Sigh!"

Extra:

So, anyone catch the Pink Floyd Reference? It's in the title. It's based off one of my favorites, "Careful with that ax, Eugene."

And the other pic's based off of the David Bowie song, "John, I'm only dancing!"

See, who says you can't learn anything here @ The House:)

Have a good weekend folks!

"Pictures at an exhibition"

Feeling lazy today.
Well yeah, that's my usual default mode, but today I'm really feeling it.

To amuse you all though, here's some more artwork of mine. Hopefully if you all look at the pretty pictures, then you'll forget about the pure amount of laziness that runs throughout this whole post:)

First up is a piece I call "Frank Miller Time." I did this one a few years ago, using just the Paint.net program. The use of shadow, the Frank Miller lighting, so to speak, is where the title comes from.

And of course like most works I do, I usually do a few variations on a theme, you know, because a girl has to have variety right Starr?:)

Next up is a recent piece starring the brand new rebooted Captain Marvel/Shazam bust. I liked it so much I snatched up the picture and went from there.

 Yeah, this is pretty much what CM would say concerning his reboot. Well at least the Johns' version would, since he's supposed to be more "mature" and adult-like now. Bitch please;)

And here 's the lighter version. I couldn't decide which version to stick to since I liked them both.

This next one's based off a silly pic taken of me. I call it "All up in my brain!"
Again, just using Paint.net, and the Glass tile plug-in function that I was massively in love with for a while as you can tell.

I was probably in making CD/Album cover art state of mind with this one.

Here's a very early attempt at what I normally do now, with action figure skits. Yeah it's slightly out of focus and crude-looking as fuck, but you have to start somewhere:)

More Frank Miller Time variations.

Here's a recent piece I did. The actual spider picture is real, as I took it while in the backyard. I guess I was trying to go all National Geographic or something, but I was really amazed at catching the spider in the midst of wrapping up his dinner/leftovers. 

And who better to stick next besides an actual spider, but Spider-Man right?

 This is the original one, while the one up top looks like a still from a video or film.

 And finally, because I just had to go there.......

Wouldn't you?

Does the title of this post sound vaguely familiar? No? Maybe if you were a big ELP, or Emerson, Lake, and Palmer fan you would.

It's cool, they not as popular nowadays as they were back in their hayday, but they still rock. 

To me, they're on par with Pink Floyd in the experimental, wall of sound/atmospheric way they compose their music. And they should, since they're both labeled Progressive Rock, or Prog Rock for short.

And if any you smart-asses out there mentions a certain band with the letter R in their name who's also considered Prog Rock, I swear to Jeebus, I'll kidney-punch you through the screen until you piss blood for a month!

And on that cherry note, here's some outro music for you all while you eat your high-classed cheese and crackers and sip your wine......you know, because that's what art-lovers do when there at a exhibition. Well at least that's what I've been told:)

Here's some ELP, with "C'est La Vie"!

Yes the video's kind of gay, but the song isn't, I assure you:)

Breaking Bane

Sorry for the unexpected delay. It appears once again, that nature will always win out in the end against man's technology. I'm guessing the thick, humid air here is the main culprit for fucking with my Wi-Fi, despite blowing over $130 bucks on equipment so that wouldn't happen. Sigh.

Going for the hat trick as far as having three posts in a row with the letter B in the titles. And, no it's not intentional.

Today's skit features my 3 favorite and figure-handy members of Gail Simone's much loved Secret Six series. It's a damn shame were we live in a world where terrible, horrible comics like Deathstroke(not the character) and the current incarnation of the Suicide Squad are around, but not the Secret Six. Or hell even a decent Doom Patrol one. Well there was, but Didio and pals decided to ax it, you know, so that they could make room for that abortion of a comic event called Flashpoint. If they just wanted Batman and the Flash to share a tender moment, they didn't have to reboot an entire universe just to make that happen. I'm just saying is all.

Anyhoo, on with the show......

-Catman and Deadshot see a legless Bane crawling by.

Catman: "Whoa! What the hell happened to you Bane?

Bane: "Nothing to worry about Blake. This is merely a minor setback from my plan to break the Bat again."

Deadshot: "Uh, but your missing your legs. You're not breaking shit but a parking space until you get your legs back."

Bane: "I assure you Lawton, this is merely a scratch."

Catman: "Seriously man, your what about your fucking legs? I thought with the crazy amount of money made from that recent Batman movie, you'd at least afford a decent pair of legs."

Bane: "A mere flesh wound Blake!. And no, I did not see a dime from that accursed movie. A fact I shall remedy as soon as possible. Good day gentlemen."

Catman: "You believe that shit?"

Deadshot: "Hardcore man; hard-fucking-core!

So, you want to grab a burger?"

Catman: "Sure. All this amputee drama's strangely making me hungry."

Yeah I went there, want to fight about it?

And here's the ironic song choice of the day. I think it fits the topic well, don't you:)

It's Katrina and the Waves, with "Walking on sunshine."

"Birds of a feather"

And how was your weekend?

Mine was fan-fucking-tastic people!

Hung out w/StarryPluto and got crazy drunk:)  Trust me when I say a little pub-crawling never hurt anyone, but damn did my money go! Ha ha. Trust me I was so smashed throughout the night, that if you'd ask me for $5, I probably would have handed you one. That's just how messed up I got. But I had fun, so no harm, no foul:)


Before all that though, I went to my favorite comic store.....and was massively disappointed. The figure selection(for me anyway) was abysmal, so no luck there. Not even on the loose stuff.


But I didn't come away empty-handed. No sir. I actually lucked out with some nice swag actually, courtesy of the dollar bin.

This is what I bought, and what an eclectic selection of goodies it is.

Starting off, I got three issues of the Bulletproof Coffin:Disinterred mini-series by David Hines and Shaky Kane. I was already aware of this series, but never had the chance to pick up an issue. I was hooked by the incredible and colorful Shaky Kane covers, and stayed around because of the really amazing stories inside. I'm convinced that this is one of those criminally underrated titles you hear or read people talking about, and BC is definitely one of them. 

Why? you might ask. It's an alternative to the type of stuff that's already currently flooding the market due courtesy of the big two. So thank god there's an Image Comics, and books like these out there, that doesn't depend on Events or line-up shake ups to sell them. This is totally original innovative stuff, all the way from how the book's put together via panel layout(such as the issue 4), and the creepy, yet imaginative parts that keep the reader guessing just what the hell it was they just read.  I like that, and if you give this title a try, I'm confident you will too.

Yep, I just got all Reading Rainbow on your asses!

Speaking off underrated, Mark Waid/Barry Kitson's The Brave and the Bold: Flash and GL mini is also a damn good under-appreciated read. To me this gem from late 1999/early 2000 seems like a love letter from Waid about the silver age heroes who excited him as a kid. Combined with the series he did before this one, JLA:Year One, you just get the sense that these guys are safe in the writer's hands because he has so much love and respect for them. Geoff Johns really should have read or re-read this series, because unlike Johns, Waid knows how to tell amazing and interesting yesteryear stories of these guys without resorting to ret-coning in unnecessary plot elements like rape and torture just to give them a "modern" feel. Nope, Waid just gives us stories and adventures we can feel good in reading, and thus why Waid's in such demand. Hell he's doing that right now in his acclaimed Daredevil run, which is an alternative in itself, from the same company obsessed with pumping out "Event" comics.

I also was able to finally check out an old favorite series of mine, that's recently restarted, Transformers:Regeneration One. This series continues the adventures of the last true Marvel series, and keeps the same numbering , with issue 81 and on. I really dig the different covers, as two iconic TF artists handle a cover each in Andrew Wildman and Geoff Senior.

The writing and art was just as good if not better as it was when it was cancelled. Of course having the same creative team from round the same time period helps too:)

If you were a fan of the series around the time it was cancelled, or if you're just a TF fan period, then you owe it to yourself to pick up this little treasure from yesteryear.

Then there's an issue I've been looking forward to for a long time now, in JMS/Chris Weston's The Twelve. It's been many, many moons since we've gotten any new Twelve material, but fear not, because he last two issues are coming out. I snagged this one, and despite missing out on the previous two, was still a damn good read that prepares the reader for the last issue period. Dynamite Man, the villain of the story, is finally dealt with in a satisfactory way. The person who takes him out is as surprising as how its done. I won't spoil it, so pick it up for yourself.

Now while I know Marvel hasn't used these characters more probably because the maxi's not finished yet, it still would have been nice to see more interaction with the mainstream MU instead of isolating them. Maybe they will later. Well, those who've survived that is.

Lastly, I picked up the infamous therapy session issue of Peter David's X-Factor#87. It really is as good as it's been hyped.

And that was my swag. Not bad. But hopefully the store will have more stuff there figure-wise this coming fall.

Alright, on to today's skit. 

Enjoy!

DC Direct Hawkman: "Sheira, what are you doing with him!?"

Sheira: "Sorry Carter, but I'm with this big handsome man now. Carter, meet Carter Hall 2.0"

Hawkman: "Ha ha. Step aside weakling. Sheira's just upgraded to a real man!"

DCD Hawkman: "But, but I'm Hawkman."

Shiera: "Sorry honey, but this Carter's way more flexible and stronger than you in all the right places. Isn't that right baby?"

Hawkman: "You know it dirty bird. Beat it stiffy, and let a real man show you how its done."

DCD Hawkman: "Never! Have at thee. For Sheira, for Thanagar, for-"

-Hawkman lays the smackdown on DCD Hawkman, and knocks him out.......with one punch.

Hawkman: "I hated to for you to have to see me do that, but it needed to be done."

Sheira: "I hope you didn't wear yourself out with that puny bird, 'cause mama's in need of some feather-plucking."

Hawkman: "That's a big 10-4, dirty bird!"

I imagine this Hawkman is built like that Old Spice guy, and shit just appears out of thin air whenever he poses:)

I'll leave you with a song that's been stuck in my brain for the last few days. I liked it so much, it became my unofficial  official anthem for this previous Saturday's drink-fest party.

Yes, it's current and poppy, and yes it's by one of those bands that only appeals to 'tweens, but I like this one. It fits, trust me.

Here's Grouplove with "Tongue-tied."

BAM! POW! There goes my colon!

A short one today folks, because you know...I can:)

This is kind of based off what Batman and Robin would really look like in real time. Or to go in another direction, just imagine this is what Adam West and Burt Ward would look like if they decided to put those the bat-tights back on.

Batman: "Quick Robin! To the Bat-mobile!  Cesar Romero, uh I mean, the Joker's on the loose again!"

Robin: "Holy Colon-Blow Batman! We better hurry before those bat-laxatives we just took kick in  and we float on down to downtown Gotham City in a mudslide!"

Batman: "Too late Robin! Ugh! They just.....kicked....in! Oh my! I just took a bat-dump in my belfry!"

Robin: "Holy AARP membership! That smells awful! Looks like the Joker's gonna' get away this time, and not because the Bat-mobile broke a wheel either."

Batman: "Quick Dick! Get Alfred! Tell 'em it's going be long, messy night. Ohhhhh!"

Looks like there really is no country for old men. Even in Gotham City:)

Have a good weekend folks!

And on an unrelated note, here's a funny-ass scene, and one of my favorites, from Cheech and Chong's movie Up in smoke.

 It's probably just me, but I love the way Chong's movie dad says "Son of a Bitch!" 

Fucking priceless!