Sometimes I follow up on past skits, sometimes I don't. But this time I did, so if you remember the skit I did a short time back called "I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band", then this is the official follow-up I've meant to finish up for awhile now.
Enjoy!
Robotman: "Okay Lar, since the Chief hasn't been made by Mattel yet, I guess the next best thing to do to cure you of that damn singing, is to call a doctor."
Negative Man: "Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah, some people call me the doctor of love....."
Robotman: "You're really startin' to piss me off with all dat singin'."
Robotman: "Alright, I called in the closest doctor I could find at this time of night. Some weird cat who calls himself Dr.Strange."
Negative Man" Strangelove....strange highs and strange lows. Strangelove, that's how my love goes."
Robotman: "Now don't you start that again!"
Dr.Strange: "Greetings Doom Patrollers, I am the master of the mystic arts, Dr.Strange. I believe you called me about a certain problem you're having?"
Robotman: "Well yeah, but I don't know what the hell magic has to do with this, but if it can fix mummy-puss over there, then let's give it a shot."
Dr.Strange: "Now what seems to be the problem with your friend?"
Robotman: "He wouldn't stop singin', and it's driving me fucking nuts!"
Negative Man: "Baby you can drive my car.....tell you I'm gonna' be a star...."
Robotman: "See what I mean doc? He's been like this for days now I tell ya', days!"
Dr.Strange: "I see. I've seen cases like this before, and it's quite clear to me your friend has Karaoke-itis."
Robotman: "What!?"
Dr.Strange: "It's nothing to worry about I assure you. He'll return to normal after you let it run its course. Should take another 24hrs I believe."
Negative Man: "Oh I need your love babe....eight days a week."
Robotman: "What!? You was supposed to fix him, not encourage him!"
Dr.Strange: "Trust me, Robotman is it? Everything will be fine by tomorrow. I'll have my manservant Wong send you the bill."
Robotman: "Manservant? Wong? What the hell kinda' whacked out gay porno scene you got going on over there?"
Negative Man: "He's the one they call Dr.Feelgood; he's the one that makes it alright."
Robotman: "First thing in the morning, I'm reporting that quack to the better business bureau. Sheesh!"
Got a late start today folks, thanks to the shitty weather. It fucks with my Wi-Fi connection bad, thus adding another reason why I hate summer. I know I have to break down and buy a wireless antenna, but I'm cheap and lazy, and don't feel I need a bunch of equipment just to have fucking internet. Bullshit people, bullshit.
Anyhoo.
Here's a skit I have had in the can for 4 months, but never used it. Maybe you guys will like, maybe not. Picture quality's not the best, but the dialogue, yeah I'm actually proud of that.
So without further ado.......
Nick Fury: "Yahoo! I'm a fucker, I'm a fighter, I'm a wild-bull rider! Yahoo!
Captain America: "Dammit Nick, I told you it's time for your daily meds! Now come back down here mister or there will be some serious consequences."
Nick Fury: "Eat it Rogers, ya' lousy pinko!"
Nick Fury: "I'm coming for you David Hasselhoff! I'm gonna' make your commie ass sorry you and Hydra ever tried to sissify my name with that shitty FOX made for TV movie ya' candy-assed goldbrick!
I'm gonna' make you my bitch just like I did with ol' Adolph."
Captain America: "Sigh. Why me? God why do you hate me so much? Haven't I always done the right thing for America and the whole entire world all my life? I think I deserve better than this."
Nick Fury: "Stop yer' crying ya' pinko goldbrick, 'cause it's time to kill us some Nazis. Yahoo, ya' Nazi-lovin' bastards! Get some, get some!"
Well Fury's got a point there; after all that Nick Fury movie from FOX really was god-awful. I mean the chick playing Madame Hydra, Sandra Hiss was hot as hell, but the whole movie looked low-rent, and it showed. Thus probably why it took a bad-ass like Sam L. Jackson to make Fury cool again....you know, even if this Nick Fury's black. But I digress.
In honor of Fury's.....enthusiasm, here's a track from probably one of his favorite movies, Full Metal Jacket, called "Hello Vietnam."
Well kiddies,
this is my 1st post as a 31 year-old, and frankly it feels the same as I did when I was 30. Go figure huh.
So I was visiting family in upstate Greenville, and found time to find a nice comic book store. It was small, but packed to the fucking rafters with toys, and one of the biggest and complete collections of trades I've ever seen! So I couldn't help myself, and bought a really nice one, called Tales of the Multiverse: Batman-Vampire.
Yes, the whole vampire-Batman trilogy by the creative team of Doug Moench and Kelley Jones. And trust me, if you've ever seen Kelley Jones' work, then you know how he was born to draw Batman, especially as a vampire. Trust me he really does, as he's always drawn Batman with long, exaggerated ears, and there on full display in this collection. I highly recommend it, if you happen to run into it. Good, good stuff!
And of course no visit to a comic book store is complete without feeding my addiction for more action figures. And boy did I luck out.
I snatched up the DC Direct Identity Crisis Elongated Man, who has two inter-changeable rubber arms, ala Mr.Fantastic, and a neck that you can pull up a good ways. He's really nice, even if the face doesn't exactly translate as well, based off whoever sculpted him. But he's damn decent, and will hold me over until I ever run into the new DCUC version that's coming out next year via the DCUC Subscription club.
I then snatched up the two head combo of the GLC wave figures Medphyll and Nautkeloi. They are very cool, even though Medphyll's head makes him look like the Guardians gave a power ring to a talking broccoli stalk, and the Nautkeloi head's super loose; as in it doesn't like to stay on. I don't know if that's just the one I got, or if other people have the same problem. Other way, it's a very cool and unique figure.
Finally, besides snatching up the new Green Lantern#11, I also picked up the DCUC version of one of the Metal Men, Mercury. Normally I wouldn't because I'm not that much of a big fan of the figures in general, but he does come with a valuable piece for my C&C Bane figure. So all he's missing is his legs, and then he'll be done. So if anyone's got any spare Bane Legs, throw 'em my way please:)
There'll be a future short skit based off him missing his lower half that you guys might enjoy. And yes, all the easy jokes will be included.
I'm really starting to warm up to Mercury though, as he's bad-tempered and extremely sarcastic, so he'll be loads of fun in future skits. Plus that giant scissor-hand's cool as hell too! He looks like he's flipping you bird, but with a big pair of scissors attached. Very nice:)
So all-in-all, I made out pretty damn well. This weekend I go to my home away from home, Heroes and Dragons in Columbia. And oh yes, there will be blood.....nah, but there will be figures! Lots and lots of figures!
And with that, let's go see what's going on in Mr.Morbid's neighborhood shall we?
-Professor Zoom and Johnny Quick argue amongst themselves as to who really is the Flash's fastest and greatest foe.
Prof.Zoom: "I'm the Flash's greatest foe you fool!' Johnny Quick: "No, you hyped-up twinkie with deer antlers, I am!"
Zoom: "Grrrr!"
Quick: "Grrrrr!"
Just then, The Flash arrives!
The Flash: "Hey. hey quiet down you two! Now what seems to be the matter fellas?"
Zoom: "Tell him Flash. Tell Mr. Johnny-not-so-Quick that I'm your greatest nemesis ever!"
Flash" "Well yeah, you do have a point there."
Quick:"No I am! Tell that moron over there, that unlike him, we're actually correctly color-coordinated. That and I'm faster, so that makes me your greatest enemy!"
Flash: "Well, yeah I guess that's a good point as well."
-Both men argue incessantly about who's the Flash's greatest enemy, causing the usually calm and collected Flash to become really annoyed and blow his top.
Flash: "Fellas, fellas! Look, you're both equally evil and useless.
-points to Zoom.
"You, you claim to be a professor, but obviously that wasn't for color theory because all you did was rip-off my costume and reverse the colors. Nothing more, nothing less; thus making you an idiot. An annoying time-traveling idiot, but an idiot nonetheless!"
-points to Johnny Quick.
"And you, what the hell's up with your costume. Yeah, you're color-coordinated alright, but what the hell's up with those antlers you have? It's like Nicola Tesla designed your outfit, but then said fuck it when he got to the ear-pieces. You look ridiculous for God sake's man! And those 'lighting stripes of yours.....God awful. I can't tell if those are lighting bolts, or someone pissed on your chest.
Now both of you scram, before I really get annoyed!"
-Zoom and Quick both look at each other in amazement at what just happened.
Zoom: "What crawled up his ass today?"
Quick: "I don't know. Maybe he's not getting any. That'll do it."
Quick: "Anyways, I still say I'm the Flash's greatest enemy."
Zoom: "No, I am and I can prove it. One word: Flashpoint!"
Quick: "Huh. Yeah you win. I mean, Me and the Syndicate may have done some fucked up shit, but we never tanked an entire universe's continuity that caused an unnecessary reboot and lost countless readers. Yeah you win."
Today's going be a real, shorty-short one folks.
Why you my ask? Well I'm feeling a little lazy, but I also have to pack for my birthday weekend trip, so there.
Oh don't worry, I'll be back by Monday. And if not, well then I guess one of the fab Four(no not those fab four) can play rocks, paper, scissors to see who gets to run the House.
Knowing them, they'll just turn it into a frat house filled with strippers, loose women, and all the beer you can drink.
Well that just sucks; throwing a kick-ass party like that only after I'm gone. Some friends:(
Anyhoo,
today's short-shot involves the Blue Devil, so enjoy!
-Blue Devil climbs up out of the dark chamber.
Blue Devil: "Whew! Damn, that was some work climbing up out of there. Ugh! I think I saw my dignity and Dan Didio's soul down there. Coincidence? I think not."
-Blue Devil looks back down
"Yep. They're down there all right. And look, there's the entire pre-rebooted DCU continuity down there too. Huh. Far out. Sad, but far out."
What? Hey I feel as a paying customer, and yes I still do occasionally buy DC Comics,( But more often than not its the trades I buy nowadays) that I can readily and willfully rip on books that out right suck.
If you've followed this blog long enough, then it should be no surprise that I openly have disdain for Dan Didio and the current editorial regime over there. I'm not blaming, nor do I have issues with the characters themselves. I'm not because they're simply imaginary characters subject to the whim of the very company that owns them. So it's not their fault when they act uncharacteristically and say and do shit they wouldn't normally do(i.e. the current Justice League title). And no, I can't blame the entire company, since that entails blaming the production staff, trade paperback staff, and various other groups of workers. So I won't, although I will throw the crew responsible for the DCUC toy line in there based off the repeatedly stupid and asinine decisions they've made lately regarding that line's fate.
But that's besides the point.
I know I've bitched about this repeatedly, so I'll stop for now, but I abso-fucking-lutley hate the reboot! I don't care what people or some comic professionals say, the reboot makes no sense and is completely unnecessary. I'll leave it to other, more comic industry-oriented websites like Bleedingcool.com can supply you with the exact sales figures, but by and large they haven't super-boosted the industry. Some say it was the shot in the arm, the industry needed. Really? 30-odd years of continuity flushed down the drain just so the company could justify new shiny #1's and ugly costumes?
That and they needed to reboot everything just to publish digital comics? I'm pretty sure they could have done that and left things they way they were. And aside from the horrible Teen Titans and Superboy rebooted relaunches, you honestly expect me to believe they couldn't have told the types of stories they have so far and put out the types of books they had without having to go through the rebooting process?
Not buying it. Especially when you see titles like GL, Batman, and even Aquaman go on like nothing's really happened.
But I digress. I know, I know, I just have to get over it like everyone else did, but still......
Anyhoo, I'll leave you guys with something positive and fun, since I am Mr. Morbid and not Mr. Angry, and this is the House of Fun, and not the House of complaining. So with that in mind, here's some INXS, and their hit "Devil Inside."
1st of the month mother-truckaaaaaaaaaaaas!
It's fun doing that. Oh the little pleasures we derive out of life, am I right?
Anyhoo, before I get to the main attraction, some quick shout-outs.
Two birthdays to celebrate today; one used to be fun to observe, and the other one is a new reason to celebrate the 1st of August, you know besides, it being....
Ah yes MTV.
I've gone on a short rant before on the topic of MTV, and how far the concept and network have fallen since its golden days, a long, long time ago. So I won't go into all that again, but I will say this, it seems the network may have been ahead of the curve after all. How you say?
Well look at the programming they have on there; baby-mama drama, fist-pumping, alcohol-guzzling Guidos, reboots of popular 80's movies, high school comedies, Jack-Ass rip-offs, and shows devoted to covering funny web blunders, you know, because there aren't enough of those types of shows already out there;(
It's the type of programming that's perfect for today's aggressively short-attention spanned teenager. Quite sad really.
And as I lamented before, the incredible lack of emphasis on what brought MTV to the dance in the first place: actual music! Well what passes for music these days, so don't ask me about that particular topic unless you want me to tell you when actual music was being made.
*SPOILER ALERT*
....It was before you were born!
Well maybe not Shlomo, but you get the point.
So yes, happy 31st birthday, MTV. You now largely irrelevant symbol of days long gone by.
And the other birthday?
Oh yeah, you know him as the host of his very own blog, and admitted collector of Barbie doll furniture(I think:)) Googum!
Yes our very own Big 'EMs aficionado turns.......IDK, but I probably won't want to know what it is in dog years:)
So do the big guy a favor and visit his blog, because frankly kids, he needs all the visitors he can get:)
I kid, I kid, He's doing fine.
So happy birthday Goo!
And now ladies and gentlemen, on to the main reason you come here, and I know its not the food:
"Always bet on black"
-Bronze Tiger walking along, minding his own business, when all of a sudden....
Spider-Man: "Hey, look who it is! Wow man, I've always been a big fan of your films."
Bronze Tiger: "Say what!?"
Spider-Man: "Yeah, I know you....you're Wesley Snipes. I loved Jungle Fever, Passenger 57, oh and all those Blade movies. If it wasn't for you, Marvel wouldn't be making so many kick-ass movies like it is now. Say, aren't you supposed to be in jail though? You know, for tax evasion?"
Bronze Tiger: "What!? What in the hell makes you think I'm Wesley Snipes? Oh you think just because I'm black and I know karate I just have to be Wesley Snipes then? That's just straight up racist man, damn!"
Spider-Man"Sorry man. It was an honest mistake."
Bronze Tiger(not Wesley Snipes): "Oh you're sorry now huh? You're gonna' be sorry in a minute after I kick your white, honkey-ass!"
Spider-Man: "Hey I'm not racist, honest to god! I have black friends, you know, like War Machine and Luke Cage."
Bronze Tiger: "Oh you think you're down because your friends with a poor-man's black Iron Man and Mr. Blackspolitation himself? That nigga' still thinks he's in the 70's, hanging out with his rich, crazy white friend with the Kung-Fu fetish and fucking green pajamas. Fuck that shit!"
Spider-Man: "Hey he's cool, I swear!"
Bronze Tiger: "Whatever cracker, I...wait a damn minute! That's not how I talk. I'm a respectable and well-educated man, not some puppet who has his strings pulled by some punk-ass puppet master."
-Both men look at the viewer/Puppet-Master.
Bronze Tiger: "Yeah, that explains everything. The hell with being played like this, I'm outta' here. And if I ever catch you manipulating me again, I'm gonna' show you why you always bet on black!"
Bronze Tiger: "Damn! he did it again!"
Spider-Man: "It happens." Shrugs shoulder
I know somewhere out there, Omega's just nodding his head, going "Right On!", and "Now why didn't I think of that?"
And on that note, here's a birthday dedication to all you lucky birthday boys and girls out there. Sing us out Stevie!
Fresh off the presses, is a short one, but a funny one(I hope) today people.
I was thinking, as I usually do, about what topic or joke I'm going to create a skit around, and then it hit me: "How to catch a predator." And from there the ball kept rolling.
Enjoy!
-The Punisher looks at Kamandi, noticing the boy holding enough guns to make him an honorary junior NRA member.
The Punisher: "I hear ya. Sometimes its just one of those days you know?"
Kamandi: "What?"
The Punisher: "Yeah, just one of those days where you absolutely, positively want to blow every motherfucker in the room away. I hear ya' kid. I get those days too."
Kamandi: "Uh, are you hitting on me? Because I know Chris Hansen man."
Punisher: "Hey I'm no filthy pedophile, I'm just admiring a nice young man like yourself holding a lot of firepower and looking like he just escaped from the planet of the apes or something is all."
Kamandi: "Yeah, I'm going to ease on out real slow, so no funny business mister!"
Later on that day.....
And here's some Chris Hansen joke pics I found on the 'net:
Nice.
I was big fan of the show when it was on, as I loved to see the hapless fools get lured in and exposed for the pathetic perverts they were. And good god were there plenty of those!
Rabbi's, Cops, and Truckers oh my!
And they'd all swear the same thing; "I wasn't going to have sex with him/her. I just wanted to talk."
Awesome-sauce right there.
Too bad the show didn't last as long as I'd have liked. Why you my ask? Because, in the mother of all ironies, Chris Hansen was caught in a sting by the National Enquirer cheating on his wife. And that's not all...nope dear Mr. Hansen also sexted his new paramour, costing him his marriage, and his job, seeing as how at the time he was supposed to be the new head anchor of Dateline. Not after that scandal broke he wasn't. Thus why no more Chris Hansen, and no more To Catch A Predator.
Nice Hansen. Real nice.
Finally, I'll leave you to watch some funny moments from the show:
And this one of a guy with Cerbal Palsy trying to score with a 13 year-old.
Hey people,
I don't why, but that title sure sounds familiar you know:) Kinda' catchy.
So we're now in the Summer months homestretch, as July makes way for August, and the sounds of loud children on their way to school will soon be heard echoing throughout the streets.
Personally I can't wait for Fall, as this fucking heat is unbearable! And that's with air-conditioning.
Seriously, anybody tells you global-warming and the greenhouse effect isn't real, is full of shit!
So allow me to hopefully supply you guys with bit of a distraction with yes, another bat-themed skit. What? You know you guys like 'em.
-Batman chases Catwoman throughout the streets of Gotham City.
Batman: "Here kitty, here kitty, here kitty, here kittaaaaaay! I tawt I saw I puddy tat!"
Catwoman: "Really Bruce? Here kitty, kitty? What, did you just now discover the 69 Boyz or something? Bruce, that song hasn't been cool since 1995!"
Batman: "Why must I be like that? Why must I chase the cat? Nothing but the bat in meee!"
Catwoman: "*Sigh* And to think......I was actually going to sleep with him. Stupid Selina."
Batman: "Meowww, woff, woff!"
Damn! Maybe Batman is wound too tight these days.
And how was your weekend?
Mine was pretty good, and next two are going to be even better me, as this weekend(Saturday to be exact) marks my 31st birthday. Yeah, yeah, don't rub it in, I'm old I know:(
So I'm heading up north for a father-son male bonding trip, and then the weekend after that, it's time to visit Heroes and Dragons; my not-so local comic shop. Good times I tell ya'.
And as always, I always face a dilemma; buy a shit-load of cheap back issue for my collection, or blow all my money on action figures. And yes, as of late, the action figures win. Trust me, it's a sickness. But like a junkie who doesn't want to be cured, I gladly go back for more. Crazy I tell yeah, crazy.
Of course things are a bit dry action figure-wise where I'm at, as the 2 Marvel Legends waves have long since come and gone, and won't be re-stocked with new waves until September. Well that's what they say, but who knows when I'll actually see them here.
All I know is that I'm psyched for the new ML US Agent figure coming out in this new upcoming wave. Fucking sweet!
And as is tradition here, I'll leave you folks with something to dance to. Yes it's time for a little Kitty, kitty action with those 69 Boyz!
